Online Dating - when do you do the 'exclusive' thing?

[NikitasSidekick]

So I've met someone off POF. Really like him and been on 3 dates. Our second date ended up being a late, drunken - slouched on the sofas in a bar talking - hand stroking - eventually kissing kinda night. It was amazing.

3rd date we went for a walk around a wooded area - quite innocent.

We're next going out for another drinking sesh next weekend. We text each other every day.

My issue here is, I'm falling for this guy quite rapidly but he says stuff that kind of gives me mixed signals. Like one minute he'll say something which suggests we'll still be seeing each other for the foreseeable future and the next minute he'll say something like "If I ever did meet anyone ... I'd ... " which sounds to me like he's assuming that someone won't be me.

Now this is fine, we've only been out 3 times - but when do you do the whole exclusive thing? I've not dated for so long, I really don't know how this works.

If only it was as simple as it was back at school "so, will you be my boyfriend?" lol

I kinda want to take things into that "seeing each other" stage but I'm not sure if he's in that frame of mind or not. How do you even bring that up? or is it still too early?

Well, I am firmly of the opinion that it is a pointless conversation to have with someone. Either you have hit it off and clearly spending all of your time together, and meeting friends and family, or you very much remain independent of each other and never get to meet friends or family. It is a gradual thing I think, and can't happen necessarily after a conversation about exclusivity.

But what do I know, I am about to get divorced and have a relationship which is a bit more than "friends with benefits" but is in no way serious. We only see each other though, probably due to lack of opportunity than anything else.

Good luck!

Wow - this thread is so timely. I am in a very similar situation to you. I met a guy off POF and have seen him 7 or 8 times now. We text or speak every day and have done since we first started talking to each other. We moved onto the sex thing pretty quick really and he stays over now when we see each other. Last week we agreed we had gone beyond the whole "dating" stage and would give it a go at being together properly but then last week his texts changed from being charged with sexy innuendo to general chit chat about his day and no xx on the end (god how old am I ha ha - feel like a teenager when I type that but why has this changed?!). I saw him last night and asked if he was definitely sure about giving it a go and he said yes, but I am scared, actually terrified, of having my heart broken because I really like him and feel I am into him more than he is into me. Am currently going through teenage angst because he hasn't texted me back today. I am a responsible woman in my mid thirties with a good job and a child yet am acting like a pathetic teenager

In relation to your situation OP I would say perhaps he is unsure about how you feel about him too. If he is talking about things you can do in the future then he definitely has you in mind. Perhaps he is so used to saying "when I meet someone" that this has become a habit now and he may not realise how much it is worrying you. I would wait until next week when a few drinks have made you feel a bit less inhibited and try to steer the conversation onto what he and you are both looking for. What is his relationship history like?

I think you need to slooooooooooow down a bit :)

3 dates???

Can really understand how you are feeling- but , and big but- is he?

I don't think there is any need to have "The Conversation". You will just know.

It doesn't matter how you met- whether in Tesco or online.
Though he may of course still be online and looking....

The point is, you are BOTH free to see other people.

Personally, I'd want to know if a man was sleeping with anyone else- just for safety's sake- but I don't think it's a good idea to talk about monogamy etc after 3 dates. Maybe 3 months of regular dating.

Hard as it may be- play it cool- you have abetter chance of keeping him by not wearing your heart on your sleeve too soon.