For Stuffit - other thread full!

[Proudnscary]

Stuff - I really am in awe of you. You've come a long way. Postponing the wedding was such a brave thing to do and a hugely powerful message to your P.

Although I understand what Imperial and others are saying/warning about hysterical bonding, I think it's a bit harsh to piss on your parade when you've just made a hugely courageous move. I think you are now well aware of how much work and pain there is to come and are under far fewer illusions about your 'beautiful' man and your relationship. I hope you explore your issues in counselling together and/or separately.

I think you know that you are both, weirdly and ironically, in a honeymoon period - a post cheating, post trauma honeymoon. You feel huge relief that you've made this decision and are kind of celebrating together in an odd way. Yes that might be unhealthy but it's understandable - and a million times better to be shagging and bonding during this unreal period, than hurtling towards a disasterous wedding.

I wish you all the very very best xxx

StuffIt, yes please do keep us updated. We do care about you even though we are random strangers, lol.

You have had a lit if advice, some of it conflicting, You have to walk your own path, the same as I did. It didn't work out for me but mentally I do feel like I tried everything and it also finally showed me what a total prick STBXH had become...

Best wishes, I hope the holiday goes ok, take time to talk to each other properly, don't rush into setting another date until you are csure it's what you want.

Take care

stuff everyone needs to make thir own choices. FWIW dh and I broke up after 4 yrs of going out. I adored him, placed him on a pedestal and based my life and self-worth around him. He broke up with me, I was devastated, he started seeing someone else but six weeks later we got back together. On my terms. I no longer thought of myself as being the lesser party in the relationship. I became an equal. I knew I could live without him. Now we've been together for thirteen years and married for five plus have a gorgeous ds. When I think back to that, it made us the couple we are today. It was a truly terrible time but I wouldn't change a day of it. My friends at the time thought that I was being weak-willed, even pathetic, to take him back. But nobody knows what is actually happening in the relationship do its up to the two people to make that choice. Even if it all goes pear-shaped you aren't going into it blind.

Stuffit

Just wanting to wish you luck and reassure you that whatever happens, people will be here to listen. If he miraculously transforms into the man you want him to be, feel free to come back and gloat, and if it all goes tits up then don't be embarrassed to come looking for support again.

That's why MN is so amazing - support is not rationed :)

Stuffit I hope you have had a reasonable weekend and have had some time to yourself. I just wanted to say - MN is great because, although we are strangers in RL, threads like yours can cause real concern and worry even though we don't know you. We want to help and support you, to try and guide your way through fog. Your thread has been one of the rawest emotionally I have read for a while - your pain and frustration was tangible, we were all acutely aware of the huge pressure you were under on top of your discovery. I lurked more than I posted because it was such a busy thread but I just wanted to wish you some peace, keep your strength up and I hope you reach a positive conclusion in time

Good luck. I really hope it works out for you, and that he puts the work in to make it work. You did the best thing, made a brave decision. You need to take lots of time now and see how things go.

Adding a link to stuff's earlier thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1524715-I-know-I-will-regret-this-thread-but-I-need-help so that AF can catch up before it is relegated to the way backpages.

With reference to a comment you made on another post, stuff, it's not about doing it wrong, it's about doing it right for you and what's right for you is to recognise that you are an awesome woman who does not need a man to define or validate her.

Once you are secure in yourself, you can be secure in the decisions you make; not just in respect of this matter but with regard to every aspect of your life.