Am I attracting EA's?

[mashedpotatohead]

I have just added my woeful advice to another thread about an EA that I got caught up in last year & how I put a stop to it after feeling guilty.

I now have a very young male colleague giving me copius amounts of attention, flattery, etc We haven't exchanged numbers (& I won't) but I have to say I am enjoying the attention. I have tried reigning it in & talking to him less but this just makes him try harder!

Should I just enjoy the attention? I have been having intermittent problems with dh & you've guessed it, he dosn't show me much attention! Think I've answered my own question....yes I do!

Enjoy the attention but keep him at arm's length. It's lovely being flirted with :)

Thanks Cogito, it really is! But you're right arms length is a must ;)

I'm going against the tide here.

banter is fine, flirting is altogether something different. and wrong if you are in a relationship.
Its disrespectful to your DH, and maybe you should try and sort your problems with your DH rather than leaping on the next bloke who shows you a bit of attention?.
I have a mate who does this and she has a bit of a victim complex too.

If your H was receiving such attentions from a younger female how would you feel?.

This very young male colleague is sensing your emotional vulnerability and is thus trying it on so he is not without blame but you do not have to give him so much power and control either. This man is no friend of your marriage is he?.

Is your H willing to work on the problems within your marriage?. Either address the problems within your marriage properly or end it. Emotional affairs will not make you happy nor will staying in an unhappy marriage. Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied.

I would give this work colleague the polite but firm brush off, you need to maintain professional boundaries here for your sake.

Last & Attila - Thanks for your view on this. I know you're both right. When I say this I am by no means suggesting that my behaviour is acceptable but I'm just a bit frustrated with dh at the mo. We've had 'the chat' & he knows I need more from him. I don't think we're really at the seperation stage yet but he won't go to Relate so I don't know where to go from here...

If he wont go to Relate then go on your own and talk in a calm and controlled environment.

This other man is just a distraction to the underlying problems in your marriage; it sounds like it is in deep trouble as it is and an emotional affair will just fan the flames even more.

Do not let yourself get further hurt, this work colleague is seeing an opportunity and is taking advantage of your vulnerable emotional state. He is truly no friend of yours. You're going to have to tell him directly to back off and keep all conversation strictly to work related issues only.

If you are having problems with your DH then you should talk to him, not invite fliratious relationships/adultery.
I'm sorry to say this but you are the exact type of woman that started this behaviour with my husband which led to adultery and probably/possibly the end of our marriage.

Talk to your bloody husband, not bloody strangers on an internet forum!

Sorry, a bit harsh I know but all very raw at the moment. Please talk to your husband before things go too far

Tbf if he is a younger colleague he is probably just trying it on flirting like young people do, I very much doubt he is 'clinging on to your emotional vulnerability'.
As an older adult you are responsible for nipping this in the bud.
I'm sorry your husband is being an arse though.
But you are at this moment in time in no position to point fingers tbh.

Do people attract EAs? I think is a difficult, and emotionally complicated question.

However, for me, what is more clear - is that some people would run when they see certain red flags, and others do not.

E.g. Alcohol problem (run)
Problems with ex (run)
Porn issues (run)
Nasty remarks/mad/angry comments (run)

All these are clear within the first 3-6 months. Alot of women would run from any of this. Others hang around ... and the end result is never pretty IMO. Does that make sense?

When I say first 3-6 months, often its the first 3-6 weeks. Or days .