Has anyone ever ended a relationship because of a build up of "trivial" reasons?

[TheAlmightyNamechanger]

Been with my partner for three years and I have three children from my marriage. I met him soon after my divorce came through.

I just want to know if anyone else has ended a relationship when there wasn't a clear cut reason, but lots of small things.
No abuse, no violence, no extreme fuckwittery. Just a slow build up of niggles and irritations that leave me feeling frustrated to often- things like being rubbish at staying contact, having little initiative, eating rubbish all the time and not taking care of himself unless I encourage him to. I feel like I'm being childish to want to end it over this and should be grateful I have someone who cares about me. But at the same time I feel like I've slotted into this role of a naggy woman who has to push her man to do things and organise his life...and I hate that. I'd lose a lot if I split with him- his great sense of humour, the good times we have together, his love. But it feels wrong to stay with someone when there's so many seemingly small things wearing me down and filling me with doubt.

And for what it's worth, I've talked about these things many times with him. But nothing changes. Actually when I think about it I've always had to bring up every problem with our relationship or issue that needs dealing with. And plenty of the time nothing changes. He's always happy to just be like we are. And I feel like a bitch because I just want more than to just be "okay". I don't want to be the one that comes up with every idea (holidays, days out, whether to do something or buy something). Every suggestion has to be mine. I don't like having to start every adult conversation we have. I want a partnership and I guess someone who has some drive. Not drive when it comes to work but in life. Even on my birthday I get nothing and have to come up with everything we do. And it's getting to the point where I feel like I'd be better off single and putting my energy towards my children and my career and friends :( I thought at one point he might be depressed because of all the above but it's not that, he feels fine, he's a very happy person.

But like I mentioned, it feels like all my reasons are small. And I feel like a horrible, unrealistic person and I should just accept him for who he is. I just don't know. Maybe we just aren't compatible.

And now that I've posted this I actually feel a bit sick :/

You don't have to hate someone to break up - sounds like you're not happy :(

It doesn't matter why you're not happy, if you're not happy and there's no way to sort it out (I see you've tried) then life's too short to mess about.

He sounds very juvenile Almighty. You're not his mother, you're supposed to be an equal partner. him not looking after his health or keeping in touch are all part of this.

"I should just accept him for who he is" - not if you don't like that person. If "who he is" was a thief or Adolf Hitler would you stand by him then? No, you just don't like this person enough to continue the relationship. Consider this your way of showing your children how to manage relationships - ensuring they never have to settle for 2nd best.

Reasons may be small but, if there's enough of them, it'll drive you mad. If the whole thing is too much like hard work and there's no sign of anything changing then the reality is that you're just not compatible. Best to end it sooner rather than later.

I would agree with you that things like being rubbish at staying contact, having little initiative, eating rubbish all the time and not taking care of himself

are trivial. However when you have talked about these things many times with him. But nothing changes, that bit is IMHO not trivial.

If he CBA to accommodate you on the little things what's going to happen with the big ones?

I had a dp like this who would never do anything. When I finally split uo with him I thought I woukd feel awful but I felt nothing. We had slipped into a parent/child role and I was not prepared to do everything for an adult.

Don't waste any more time on him. He won't change and your annoyance will only get worse.

1. Are you happy in this relationship?
If YES: stay in relationship.
If NO: go to question 2.

2. Do you want to stay in the relationship, now or ever?
If YES: go to question 3.
If NO: break up.

3. Do you have the time and effort available to repair the relationship?
If YES: work on repairing the relationship.
If NO: break up.

Sorry for the delay in replying and thanks for all the replies.

You all make good points.

"Reasons may be small but, if there's enough of them, it'll drive you mad"

This is it, basically. I get so wound up by some of these things and it scares me- I feel like I'm turning into a shrew with the well-meaning-but-hopeless partner. But being well-meaning isn't enough. And he ISN'T hopeless because he's lived by himself for years before meeting me and done fine in life. I'm pretty terrified of being single again even though it seems like the best thing to do. I'd shake my head at other people sticking with a relationship that wasn't working because of fear and worry but that seems to be what I'm doing myself!

Spotted I think you're right that it's a parent-child role. And it's like I'm just waiting for the next let down or disappointment. He's let me down really badly when I needed support too- when my mum got cancer and at other points. He says he didn't know what to say and I tried to accept that but it happens at other times and makes me realise I can't lean on him ever. I know a lot of this sounds vague but his behaviour and attitude is hard to describe. I've wondered a lot it's my problem because I can be quite anxious and highly strung but I think it's more than that.

Sorry, I just need to let all of this out.

I really have no idea what to do next or how to do it.

This is a case of the sum of the total being a problem. You shouldn't have to try and change someone to be more aligned with you so it sounds like you are not well matched.

Never supporting you and not making any effort in the relationship aren't trivial at all! He sounds like very hard work.
The fact that he's lived alone and been fine shows he's perfectly capable of being more proactive when he wants to...but he can't be bothered to do it for your sake.

Jeez, I could've written this :( except the birthday part, that's just shit he doesn't bother.

I had two other men very interested in me and made it very clear but I've stuck with DP throughout the little boggles. Now I'm pregnant it's terrifying and all the little jiggles seem deafening and I'm regretful at times and confused.

I would end it. They never change, however much you nag/talk. Good luck op.

Boggles + jiggles should be niggles!

Look at it this way, as long as you are in a relationship with him you have no chance of finding someone who does make you happy. Surely even the possibility of something better is worth being single for.
I ended my last relationship because I knew it wasn't what I wanted. He was a lovely guy, but he just wasn't right for me. I have never regretted it.

So, you've been together 3 years.

How long were you single between the breakdown of your marriage and beginning the relationship with your dp?
Do you and dp live together, and if so, for how long?
How long have you felt this way about your dp?
What attracted you to him in the first place?
What caused the breakdown of your marriage?
Can you elaborate on why you are terrified of being single again?

Lots of questions, but looking for history/context.

Final question: how long were you with/married to your ex?

All these questions because I wonder if your fear of being single after the breakdown of your marriage drove you to commit to a relationship with someone who simply should have been a post-marital fling.