How do you stop doing things just because your parents want you to?

[toptramp]

I know as an adult I should stand my ground and I always did until I had dd. My mum died recently and my dad and his new partner live in my town and are very involved with dd. So far so lovely but....they are a bit too involved.

I want to move to London soon but my dad keeps trying to put me off. I don't want a rural upbringing for dd as I had one, it was ok but tbh I am bored. I do value their help vvery much but sometimes I feel like I need space.

Since dd was born I have been going on holiday with my dad. This year is the first year that I am going away just dd and I. TBH I am relieved as my dad tends to comment on my parenting. I am quite hard on dd and he tells me so.He is also trying to tell me what car to buy even though he is on a high ioncome and tends to forget that I am struggling and can only afford a cheap model.

I think what I am trying to say is that I love my dad and his new dp but I need some space and spread my wings. My dad loves it here and so do I. However dad would hate London but I have worked there before and love it. I do rely on him for sitting but I do feel taht it would be healthier if I didn't have to!

Plus my dad and his new dp are smitten and I sometimes feel like a wall flower even though they try and include me. Also his dp lovely though she is wants to join me on my diet and keeps trying to copy what I'm eatinga nd wants to get involved whereas I just want to diet without having to justify why I don't want to eat bread, pasta or why I might want a treat now and again. aggggrrrr...I am exhausted!

Why are you 'quite hard' on your dd? In what way does your df consider you are being hard on her?

I tell her off if she is naughty. He dosn't agree with me telling her off for some things. Why -do you wish to judge too?

I came back home when pregnant as I was dumped when pregnant. TBH if my ex had stayed with me I would have stayed in the city.

I was in Liverpool and I have no desire to go back there but still.

Also I just feel that parents can influence us to their way of doing things even if they are not directly controlling.

I think there's a middle ground between a rural and London upbringing- why so extreme?

I think it's really important to have a good support network when you have kids.

I think you might be pissed off with things in your life and frustrated that the people you spend a lot of time with are your dad and his loved up partner-you need more balance-I don't think you have to move to achieve that though.

I think you need to draw some boundaries, spend a little less time with them, work out what's really important eg asking questins about your diet isn't the same as disagreeing on discipline...

Nope. Merely curious as to why you described yourself as being hard on her.

Unless you've got a good income and/or can afford to live in one of the more affluent boroughs in a catchment area for goods schools and can afford to take advantage of the numerous attractions/entertainment etc on offer, London isn't the best place to raise dc.

It can also be a very lonely place for a single parent who doesn't have any existing friends in the great metrops.

Hi. I am a key worker so mortgaege will be cheaper there. All my uni frriends are there and I like lonely. (wierdo)

top

there is no place that compares to london as a city in the uk, there just isnt its the best..i can understand why you miss it- just go...everything will follow from there...i cant think of a better place for single mum..

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

HAs your Dad actually worked out that you are a grown up yet, it doesn't sound like it. You may have to be a bit "cruel to be kind" - as in, just tell him that much you love them, you don't want to do holidays with them, you want to be able to raise your DD your way without feeling undermined etc.

How far from London does your Dad live?

top i'd check about the mortgage thing. there isn't that much around for key workers like there used to be, and you still have to have a pretty good income to be able to afford to live in london.