Have you ever lost a friend by telling home truths?

[PeterPanandWendy]

A close friend is having a rough time- her DH has left her. The marriage has not been good for years and years and the split is not a surprise to me.
I've been a good friend for over 25 years, but I recently told her some "gentle" home truths about the way she treated her DH. I don't want to list those events here in case it outs her, but she has done some pretty rotten things to him and basically I think he just had enough one day.

In the past I bit my tongue which was possibly a mistake- but now that she is blaming him 99% for the split, I couldn't help remind her of some things she'd done over the years, to try to help her see it was not " all him".

I did this to try to help her stop seeing herself as the "victim".

Well, she didn't like it- and although we've spoken since, the last conversation wasn't mentioned and she was very cool with me.

I'm left wondering if a good friend says things as they are- where do we go next- should I say sorry, or what? It's worth my mentioning that in my own marital troubles over the years she has really not pulled any punches with her views- often hurtful - but I bounced back. But she seems to be holding a grudge now, and surrounding herself with "yes" friends.

Always a trick one although I think there is a bit more bubbling beneath the surface here than meets the eye. Generally I think that if you care for someone then sometimes it's right to tell them the truth as gently as possible IF it is something they can tackle / change.

If it's something they can't do anything about then it's more tricky.

I have a good friend who has found religion in a big way recently and flung herself head over heels at it. It is having quite a significant impact on her life - some positive, most negative. I would love to speak to her honestly about it but I know she will just get defensive and feel 'persecuted' - driving her even further into her religion. I hate seeing her wasting opportunities to live her life but in the end it's her life, her path and she needs to make her own decisions... But it is hard biting your lip when you see someone you care about throwing their life away :(

There's nothing bubbling away except the events which I have not written here. They are things that most people would consider deal-breakers- and I'm not being dramatic. At the time I supported her but now that her DH has shown he hasn't got over them, it's influenced by opinion of how bad those actions of hers were. She didn't have an affair- IMO what happened was much worse than even that- and the marriage has staggered on since. When she's asked me why I think he has gone ,what he's thinking, will he come back, and she can't really join the dots and see why for herself, I was trying to help.

I've decided to cut the contact for a few days and see if she calls me- if not I wll have to grasp the nettle as Springy suggests and take it from there.