How do you deal with people who have affairs at work??

[KirstyWirsty]

Maybe this should be in AIBU ??

April last year (while I was still in ignorant bliss about my STBXH?s affair) I noticed that single woman in the office who has a reputation for pursuing married men (let?s call her Jen) sitting too close to one of the married men ? let?s call him Den(with 3 kids) from the office and they left at the same time .. I thought it was a bit suspicious.. then at the Christmas party they were openly snogging.. and over the Christmas hols Den apparently gave his wife the ?I love you but I am not in love with you? speech and left her but has since gone back

Fast forward to June and the departmental night out. Jen arrived and proceeded to stalk Ken (married with two toddlers) .. she was all over him like a rash all night and he seemed to be taking it as a joke but then ended up drunk and snogging her in front of everyone .. I think he is a stupid, weak idiot but she was relentless in her pursuit.(I found it all very upsetting .. and wondered did my ?D?H and OW snog in front of all of their colleagues? Did everyone know what they were up to??)

Anyhow I find it really difficult having to deal with any of the 3 of them at work !

I do not think the men are the only ones who should held responsible as is often the mumsnet mantra ? they are all behaving terribly!

Any words of wisdom? I used to chat to all of them but just can?t bear to now

I agree with keeping a professional distance. The less you have to do with it the less likely you are to be asked to lie for anyone.

While it is easy to say that this is private when affairs are conducted at work they are seldom as private as the straying couple imagine. One company I worked at was awash with affairs. The couples thought no one knew but of course everyone did and behind their backs the couple were a laughing stock.

@ Unexpected

Love your handle, sniggering out loud at it...

I'd also make sure the trollop was sat well away from that Swedish bloke from accounts. You know...Sven.

I just checked our company T&C. The only thing I can see that relates to sexual infidelity is' Indecency' and I suspect that is more to do with committing sexual acts of some kind on company premises.

I pretend not to notice and judge like fuck in my head.

I also had a staff member who regularly paid for dances, massages, sex whilst on overseas business trips, made no secret of the fact. Swore he was in love with his girlfriend. Thankfully left the company now, again nothing I could do professionally.

OP, I'm with you on this. One of my team had an affair with my boss! It was very uncomfortable for me not least as we were a social company and a few times a year, we would all meet up with partners. Her H and his W were blissfully unaware. She took advantage of the situation with me and ended up working for him directly. For fucks sake, one lunch time, they both disappeared off into a bush in full view of me. They also used to avail themselves of the company flat at times for their meets.

The affair ended naturally, she got pregnant and we all wondered whether the baby was actually her H's. Anyway, so many years later, I met up with her H (she wasn't at the function) and he said he'd always found me so pleasant he couldn't understand why she and I didn't get on when she worked for me. I don't know whether he was fishing for information but all these years later, I had the same sense of being complicit is something horrible and potentially explosive.

Linda J Macdonald's 'What will you become?' deposited anonymously on Ken's desk.

How is Den's demeanour now? Is he still cocky and cockahoop, or can you see he has been through some pain and regrets?

thing is, if she's snogged 2 blokes at work dos infront of colleagues, she's going to be a laughing stock and is now viewed as 'the company bike' - don't assume that Ken doesn't know her history and wasn't delibrately targetting the 'slutty' woman - often woman who think they are 'man eaters' and are in control are actually really the ones being targetted/minipulated.

She will now have to work 10 times as hard to have her work taken seriously, she will be the one people warn new blokes about, and possibly means that genuinely nice men will avoid her.

I would just be civil and professional, but I wouldn't bother being friendly with any of them.

Work affairs stink. It really does make me think of the integrity of the colleague.

I have a colleague who'll chase anything in a skirt, tell them that he's in a loveless, sexless marriage and shag them in the store room. His wife is lovely and would be devastated. I've even warned new starters off him, but he seems to have this tractor beam that draws them in. And no, I've not been there before you ask!

Abtwobbly Den definitely is not his previous cocky self ... and I have seen him around the office looking quite teary .. that was in the early days and while he was split from his wife

Yes Jen is well known for only being attracted to married or attached men ... a few women at the night out thought she was to be 'more to be pitied than scorned' ...but I think you are right Don'tmind nice men will avoid her so she's made a vicious cycle for herself