Am I a bitch???

[CandyCrate]

Im a little confused. I need someone (brutal) to have a quick read and tell me if I have any hope of a nice normal relationship!!

I have had a fair few boyfriends, usually go for the bad boy types who are kind of mean and withhold affection etc. I don't actually enjoy this, and I dream of a caring kind man. However, I have been with a few caring kind men and I have found them incredibly boring and a little pathetic sounding... Always checking if I'm ok, telling me they will 'look after me' etc.

Anyway, so I haven't been with anyone since DS's father before DS was born (DS 2 now) who was a bad boy king. But have very recently started seeing a new guy. Who is lovely. Like super sweet and nice. I am terrified that I will begin to find him boring and dump him! I don't know that this will happen, but it always has before. Maybe I was too young before? I don't know. I hope this time around I will be able to appreciate someone caring about me without holding it against them.

So, any advice?

get some therapy, then get a man. much easier and cheaper really in the long run. this sounds like a self esteem kind of thing which you would be well advised to look into before any further action. do yourself a favour and those around you. once you love yourself, you won't feel icky about others loving you or settling for latest version of bastard that wanders past.
Trust me

Well, you might be one, of course, I don't know; but it sounds to me like the previous "nice" guys were rather patronising, with this "looking after you" shit. If your current nice caring guy is able to treat you as an equal in a partnership, rather than as a pretty but ever so slightly pathetic pet, you might find him easier to respect in turn.

Do you have a problem accepting that you are a nice person who deserves to be treat well?
I did...and until I changed my opinion of myself I always treat 'nice' guys with contempt and held them at arms length and thought them too boring.
Once I figured out I was actually a lovely person who deserved a lovely relationship I found a wonderful man and those dramatic bad boy days are well behind me.
Good luck and I hope you find exactly what you're looking for xx

Meant to add, you probably go for bad guys because you mistake their attitude for strength. A real strong man doesn't need to show off how bad he is.

Lola's right, though, if you always pick the wrong type, therapy can't hurt...

Do you try and sabotage relationships because you think you dont "deserve" someone who possibly behaves nice?

x post with bawbagbaggins

omg, i never actually looked at it that way!

maybe it is a self esteem thing? i have always considered myself quite confident but it is mostly a front that i put on, then i started to believe my own hype!

anniegetyourgun i think you are spot on about the bad boy attraction, i automatically assumed these guys were strong and in control, but in fact the opposite is true most of the time.

I would love more than anything to be with a sweet guy, and appreciate him. And I think some of them were kind of patronising. I think maybe if somebody cant appreciate I have worked hard to be independent, and succeeded at it, then i get mad and defensive.

CandyCrate,

Was wondering what you learnt about relationships when growing up?.
Love your own self fully for a change, then you have a decent chance of meeting someone who is actually nice and worthy of you.

What's the longest period of time you have been single?.

I think you are a nice person who does not think that she should be treated at all properly. This is partly why you end up with such types, maybe you also want to rescue and or save them from their inherent nastiness by showing them that your love and support can somehow turn them into a better person. A person however cannot act as either a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship as neither approach works.

Would also suggest you read Women who love too much written by Robin Norwood.

Bad boys are just that, bad.

You need to unlearn the damaging patterns that you've set yourself otherwise you will keep repeating the same old relationship mistakes.

Counselling for yourself would be helpful in order to unlearn this but its not a quick fix and you will need to put some serious work in. It will be worth it though. Counsellors however, are like shoes, you need to find someone who fits.

The longest I was single before DS was about 2 weeks, but it has been 2 years now, and I do feel like a completely different person.

I honestly don't know if the new me is anything like the old me in relationships, because I have not tried. But I don't want to risk the feelings of the guy I have started seeing.

I think I did want to save the bad boys, to be the one who changed them. But obviously it did not work.

I just got really really angry while thinking about all this. Like super mad. It scared me a little! I was just wondering why I would sabotage my own happiness!?

I can't afford a counsellor. Otherwise I would go to one.