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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I know if this is a rebound or something better?

5 replies

ilovelemons · 25/07/2012 14:34

Hello!

Looking for advice from people with more relationship experience than me..

Background. I left my partner of 12 years in January. It was my first proper relationship (I am 29) and it was never particularly happy. He was often quite abusive towards me, but I didn?t realise until I left just how bad/abnormal it was.

Since then I have properly started living; reconnecting with old friends I neglected, making new ones, lots of new hobbies, work going well. Had counselling to help process my relationship and help with self-esteem issues. It has really helped and I am feeling settled and happy.

One bored evening around 7 weeks ago I signed up to a dating site and met a few people. Been seeing this one guy since then and think I am falling. How do I know if this is something I should persue or just ignore as I am probably on the rebound? I am only seeing him once or twice a week (a limit I set - he would like to see me more often), but I do just want to see him all the time. He makes me feel obscenely good (and I think I him), but I am scared about getting involved in another relationship so soon.

I?ve tried having a few more dates with other nice men since then, but nothing comes close to even the first date I had with this man.

What can I do to work out whether the way I am feeling is 1. Just a rebound, 2. Just because he is so nice in contrast to be horrible ex (which many men could be) or 3. Something, well, better and worth hanging onto?

OP posts:
Losingitall · 25/07/2012 14:35

Don't worry about it. No need to label it yet. Just take your time and enjoy.

I'm afraid only time will tell.

ilovelemons · 25/07/2012 14:59

I am over-thinking - it's probably all the counselling.

I just don't want to mess this up either way...I have not been this happy since I was about 7!

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 25/07/2012 15:03

You sound like you're doing really great! reconnecting with friends, building a busy and happy life of your own with hobbies etc., and taking things slow with the men you date.

Keep doing what you're doing, don't lose sight of your own worth as you dip into the dating scene, and you should be fine.

Have fun and good luck!

ilovelemons · 25/07/2012 15:13

I am doing well I think! I haven't posted before but MN firstly gave me the guts to leave and secondly helped me to get through the first few horrible weeks....so thanks.

I guess I will just keep tryin to not give into the urge to spend every spare second with him.

OP posts:
Losingitall · 25/07/2012 15:57

It's understandable to want to!

Don't give yourself a hard time over it you seem to be doing great!

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