Am I just hormonal or am I being pushed out by friends?

[wishingonadream]

I moved to a new area and it took a while to make friends. I made friends with one girl and we got on really well, our dc played well together and we would spend lots of time with each other. Come September we expanded our social circle when dc started school. We were still close and would spend lots of time togethr just the two of us. We would also spend time in a group or individually with new friends. Fast forward to now, I am only usually invited to an event at the last minute (30 mins notice) and when I arrive I discover it was arranged the night before and they have a combined picnic. The girl I originally made friends with never texts me and it is left to someone else to text me. She spends lots of time with another girl in our circle and I will often text to invite to park etc only to get a reply that they are already somewhere doing something.

I don't know if I am being overly sensitive or if they are excluding me. It is making me very upset though as it is my dd who misses out from playing with her friends as well. Also not sure what to do about it, ignore it or confront them and look like a nutcase?

Thanks if you've made it this far.

Wel if you are being excluded - and it sounds lke you are - I would try to take it on the chin and make some new friends. Easier said than done, but in tbd long term it's not going to do your self esteem any good for this to keep happening.

Thanks Wips, I know that you are right. Just fell bad as all the dc are great friends as well. I am having another baby soon so probably a great opportunity to make new friends.

Can you arrange stuff with any of the rest if the group?

Several years ago, I was "phased out" by a group of friends. One of the first things they did (and there were many) was this last minute invite thing. It was very obvious that the events had been organised loads in advance and often I was given 30 mins notice. It was really horrible. I wish they had just had the courage of their convictions and not invited me at all. I used to make a massive effort to get to said event and then feel terrible when it became apparent it had been planned well in advance.

After doing this for a while i used to just say "oooo that sounds lovely, but I arranged to do something else, would have loved to if I had known about it earlier".

I don't see these people anymore and I don't miss them at all. It's very hurtful behavior. I feel for you.

How rude. It sounds as though she has found someone she likes more . But, she sounds as though she is quite fickle, insensitive and a bit ignorant, so maybe it was best you found out while your child is new to school and can form other friendships.

It sounds like you're being a bit passive - why don't you make plans and invite the others?

I have just arranged a meet up woth one of the other girls. It's hard though as the other 2 are the ones who are around most of the time like me.

I am tempted to say something, but not sure what I would say

I wouldn't say anything. Just keep making plans yourself and including everyone else.

Don't say anything, friendship is not an obligation and they don't have to include you if they don't want to, even if this seems mean. Perhaps this friend gets on better with the other friend, she sounds a bit fickle though so you are probably best off away from her.

Build up the friendships with the individuals you really like, go for some coffees with the other girls, and if you get excluded, find some new friends.

If you say anything, you will come over as a troublesome person, and they will simply avoid you more.

Hard as it seems I wouldn't say anything as you may come across as a bit needy.If you've been cut out then they aren't worth persevering with in any case as they haven't given any thought to your feelings or that of your dd.You'll make new friends and with a baby due other friend making opportunities will arise..

What you need to remember about the school gates is: these people would not normally be your 'friends' - they are just a collection of randoms you have the school in common with. Sometimes true friendships develop, sometimes not. Ditto toddler groups etc.