Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I don't know if I can do this anymore

48 replies

rotool · 23/07/2012 20:14

How do you carry on when he turns your kids against you, is totaly in control of your life and you have no where to turn where he can't get at you and take the kids. Can I go, will he win 50/50 in court and if he does how do I support myself when I can only work part time, won't get all the tax credits and no money from him. he works for his father and gets paid regardless and has his parents looking after the kids when he is working. Will I have to stay in this forever? I can't do this. He is keeping the kids from me as much as he can, brings them to the house to feed them and put them to bed when I haven't seen them all day and he goes out every night. They hate me. My life is pointless.

OP posts:

Olympia2012 · 23/07/2012 21:39

There is a thread posted today, similar situation titled 'he has my children' I think!

Olympia2012 · 23/07/2012 21:40

Try emailing women's aid. If necessary, the police can contact them if you turn up at the station via dv unit.

Original poster

rotool · 23/07/2012 21:40

that wasn't me

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/07/2012 21:41

No, I remember you from last year or is it even longer ago than that

I think you really just have to do a flit one day even if it means taking nothing and going into hiding

Olympia2012 · 23/07/2012 21:43

No, I know it not you. Maybe some advice goes on that thread that you could use?

So what is holding you back now. Does your mum know what's going on? Are your h parents being controlled too?

Original poster

rotool · 23/07/2012 21:44

I have left a message with womens aid, I hope they can ring me back, the helpline says they are very busy and to leave a msg.
I am dreading the morning it will start all over again. I am a carer for the elderly, I love my job but it is so hard to keep going on with a smile and tales of how wonderful everything is. I just want to sit in a corner until it stops, I know it never will.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/07/2012 21:47

No it won't, it's almost if all you ever were was an incubator

I remember you had plans to escape before, I'm so sad to read that you haven't yet managed.

Your poor dc and you, it's no way to live.

Original poster

rotool · 23/07/2012 21:47

His Dad controls his mum, his dad controls him and he controls me. My mum does know what is going on and has tried to ring him several times but he wont answer her or any witheld numbers. I don't know if I could go to mum, I have a stepfather who I get on with great and he has been with my mum for 23 years but I think my mum is worried about the dc's being too much ( he has no children ) as he is going to retire next month.

OP posts:

Olympia2012 · 23/07/2012 21:50

A refuge near your mum would be best as you would be high priority for social housing if that's what you want. You will have 'homeless' status do go to top of the list. That's how it worked for me.

RandomMess · 23/07/2012 21:52

You need to do, what they are doing is "parental alienation" they are alienating your children against you which is ABUSE.

Original poster

rotool · 23/07/2012 21:52

what was it like in the refuge? Can you say where you want to go? I thought they just put you in the first available space.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/07/2012 21:53

Could it be any wose than what you are tolerating now?

your dc may appear to have a priviledged lifestyle but inside they are being ripped apart being told that their Mum has no rights and is trouble.

Olympia2012 · 23/07/2012 21:56

They usually want you well away from where you live due to possible repercussions.

I found it good.... Other women in same situation to talk to, staff organised basics, legal advice and benefit forms etc

You can go more or less there you like. There are other hostels/refuges not just women's aid

Original poster

rotool · 23/07/2012 21:59

I know what he is doing to them is so wrong, he keeps on at me about how lucky I am to have what we have and that lots of women would like to be me. When its said as much as he's said it it's hard to think straight. He says if I leave him I will be destroying the dc's lives and taking everything away from them. I know this isn't true, there is more to life than 'this' but I don't know how to fight anymore, I can't get to see my solicitor until next Monday and I don't know if I can take much more.

OP posts:

Blinkeyblonk · 23/07/2012 22:01

Nothing about you smells of trouble.this is what he tells you and them to undermine you.when you and your children have space to be together, they will learn about real love that's better than a thousand quad bikes and ponies.listen to your heart hun, and do what you need to.deep breath and take that plunge x x

keepcalmandeatcupcakes · 24/07/2012 01:24

how are you doing rotool? Your children are being manipulated and the older they are, the worse it will get. Please make sure you clear your internet history, just in case. Did you get through to WA???

Original poster

rotool · 24/07/2012 07:21

I spoke to womens aid last night, they have made me feel clear on what is going on. They have given a local service to contact today, I am going to get myself and my dc'c away from here as soon as soon as I can.
Thank you

OP posts:

Babylon1 · 24/07/2012 07:29

Keep posting rotool.

Good luck and your DCs are young enough to bounce back from this xx

RandomMess · 24/07/2012 08:48

All the best, hope to hear that you get away very very soon.

MrsBucketxx · 24/07/2012 08:58

this has chilled me :( . i really hopeyou can get out and get the support needed.

your children need their mother safe and sound more than any quad bike or pony.

MrsTomHardy · 24/07/2012 09:21

Hope things work out for you

Offred · 24/07/2012 09:32

Yes, the children might be angry but remember they are small and have been manipulated for a long time. That doesn't mean staying would be better for them. Rooting for you!

PosieParker · 24/07/2012 09:35

I don't think the full parental responsibility is true.

Flip

1 2