I need to rant

[Pickles77]

I need to rant, and then I'll just dissolve into tears.
Ive been trying to absorb myself in
Mumsnet and baby things to get xp off my mind but tonight im sat here thinking about him and wanting him back and then ping a email comes through with his baby name requests.
He says I'm not to use a Scottish name because I'm not Scottish.
My grandparents were though. Why does he think he should get to help with naming he's not supported me through my pregnancy, not asked how bump is, asked if she needs anything. Just screamed he's not interested and doesn't care.
My last words to him were I can't do this by mutual agreement I'd like to go through csa. He said he doesn't care and isn't interested and why do I have to go the stupid way. I
Just want to protect my daughter.
How can I still want him back.
Why does he do this? Does he know he's doIng it?
Great. Now the tears are really flowIng. I don't want to do this anymore. I either want my baby on my own or I want out. I'm considering adoption its not fair her being brought up
This way. She hasn't asked for it.

Raspberry, what do you mean believe it? your right the best I can do is try to prove him wrong but in so

Don't focus on proving anything to him, don't give him that head space!

I think Raspberry means that you have to get your head around the fact that this nasty cold vindictive wanker is exactly that, rather than the person you thought he was.

You can do this :) Your DD is loved by you, so shut the door on all the bullshit and enjoy your baby :)

I promise her every day and night I'll try my best for her

It's probably fair to say that most first-time mothers have "OMG I am not worthy or capable of bringing up a baby" moments. Of course it's a big thing, bringing a new life into the world; but you can do it, we can all do it, otherwise the human race would have died out by now! The only difference with you is having a horrible man making you feel worse, insulting you just when you're emotionally vulnerable, as revenge for having a baby without his permission. He is talking absolute rubbish, really. You are getting on with it without him and the only thing he can do about it is be rude.

You're worth more than this.

You don't want him back. The reason you think you want him back is because you're reeling from the rejection not only of yourself but of your baby. Him saying sorry and wanting to get back together is a way in which you can reassure yourself that you're worthy of being treated with love and respect. But you are anyway, and you know you are. It's him who is incapable of giving it. His ability to treat you this way is a reflection only on himself, not you and the baby.

As time goes by and you do this on your own, you'll come to realise that you are much stronger, with much more integrity in your little finger than this 'man' has, and when you reach that day, you'll realise you don't want him back at all and never have.

You will be fine. You're not the first mum to have a baby on her own and you won't be the last. Babies don't come with instruction manuals but most people just cope anyway. There's no reason why you won't to. You've already sworn to try your best for your baby, so you're already halfway there - if you're willing, everything else will follow. Just make sure you accept all offers of help and feel proud of the fact you're doing it on your own.

Oh, and choose whatever name you like. If you want a scottish one, go for it, but don't give him the satisfaction of dominating your thoughts enough to choose a scottish name just to spite him. Just choose one you like.