Non-existent relationship with my Dad

[Campaspe]

I am 38, and my dad is now in his 60s. I had a happy childhood, but my parents divorced acrimoniously when I was 15. My mother felt suicidal at the time and it was difficult for all of us to cope. My dad kept visiting us (I have 2 siblings), but kept his new woman separate, presumably to keep the peace. My dad remarried when I was 23, but I did not go to the wedding out of loyalty to my mum and feeling guilty.

In my later 20s, I met reasonably regularly with my dad and his partner, whom I like, and all was well. There were some awkward moments when he told me he was involved wiht another woman and when he fell out wiht his second wife, but by and large, all was ok.

I got married and had DD in 2006. I hoped that my dad would be an involved grandparetn, but this has turned out not to be the case. He sees DD maybe once a year, at my instigation. When we do meet up, he makes little attempt to engage wiht her, or ask me questions, preferring to chat to my husband about sport. My DD is shy and doesn't like meeting him and his wife.

Although there have never been any arguments, I don't know if I can bothered to make the effort to keep this non-relationship going. What's the point? I can't think of anything to talk about when we meet. I know his wife thinks he should make more effort. He doesn't keep in touch wiht my siblings. I do feel hurt that he isn't more interested in his only grandchild.

Am I being unkind to put all this to the back of my mind and carry on? Or should I keep instigating contact and trying to form a better relationship? Any advice/similar stories welcome.

So hard to judge. My instinct is that it's better for DC to have some notion of a grandparent than none. I too had a good childhood and am hurt that my dad shows zero interest in my DC when he visits. he just holds forth about his own life, talking for hours about people I've never met and doesn't even notice if the DC don't appear. My uncle on the other hand, despite disability, will lower himself to the ground at great difficulty and pain, to play monopoly with them, or set up a train set. My dad has always hated my uncle and I have to bite my tongue not to compare them unfavourably.

Can you try to actively engage him by suggesting he does something specific with her, which doesn't take long, such as a short game, or a short picture book read. Compliment him on how good he used to be at whatever you remember fondly. I think once they get an inkling of a bond, you can then develop it. My dad likes drawing so i encourage him to help my DC sketch.