Advice wanted: Mother Daughter Relationship - what's normal?

[bigbaubleeyes]

I have negative feelings towards my mother and then feel guitly - Is this normal?
She upsets and annoys me - I don't know where to begin there seems so much stuff.
She isn't a bad person she is kind, generous and thoughtful but can be so dammed negative, insensitive and difficult.

No I do not talk to her about how I feel as it would upset her if I told her some of the stuff thats bubbling away. This has all got worse since I had DS recently (first). My DH argrees with some of the stuff.

After family visit today DH has even suggested private counselling - has anyone else done this?
She has me demented. I tell myself that there are people out there who had/have abusive mums etc and that I should be grateful as she is not any of these IYKWIM.

Help me get some perspective on this please

Have just bumped my thread up for you as there is a lot of advice on there that may also help you.

bigbaubleeyes, I totally understand and have many of the same feelings that you do. My mum is SO negative, all the time about everything, and it just drains me. When my dad was alive, dh and I used to call them "the dementors" after the characters in Harry Potter who drain all the hope and happiness out of your body.

I love to see my mum is small doses, cos I love her and she's loving and kind and wants to help. But her negativity and low self esteem is like a black hole in my house.

Because we live abroad, either I am staying at her house or she is staying in mine, so small doses are not an option, but I want her to have a good relationship with my dd, who is her only grandchild.

I do not have any advice to offer because I struggle terribly with this. I rarely go back to the UK because it means staying with my mum which I hate. But at the same time, I know she is getting on in years and I should make the most of her. Guilt guilt guilt!

I think that the only solution is to raise my OWN self esteem so that her negativity doesn't affect me so much.

PS I think that one of the reasons that this upsets me (and maybe you??) so much is that I desperately WANT my mum to be supportive, someone I can talk to about my problems, a friend...but she is NOT that person and never will be.

I just need to accept this and stop wanting her to change.