Hi,
bit of background history: 2 failed marriages :both have fallen apart for the same reason -infidelity. For about a year now, I've felt like a broken woman. There have been numerous other incidences occuring (not related to relationships) which have led to me finally having a breakdown of sorts. I recently suffered a small brain haemorrage. I have 2 small children from my 2nd marriage.
At the start of this year I began a relationship with an old friend who I knew from before my second marriage. It was very romantic but I did warn him that due to my past relationships ending in the same way, I do find it hard to trust and am very fragile. He seemed to be loving and reassuring about that at the time. In many regards I feel that this is the best relationship I have ever known. In one critical area though its a disaster zone; and that's me not being able to trust. It's tearing the both of us apart.
About 7 months on we've had numerous fallouts. I don't want to waffle on, but on the whole I struggle with the following and would love to have some opinions on these:
We are very close for days at a time (lots of contact/emails/text), then suddenly he vanishes. No email contact, no phonecalls or texts for about 2 days at a time. I have contacted him2 or 3 times during these quiet periods,
and he's pleasant on the phone. Ive obviously raised this with him several times, and he started off by concluding that he 'needs to touch base' with me daily...but then got very angry around april this year, sending me a v angry text to say that he was up half the night trying to think of what to say in todays text..and that he shouldnt have to feel compelled to write a msg to a person daily if there's nothing meaningful to say. My thoughts were...what about 'I love you' ..simply?
Last week he told me that a spanish female friend of his is coming to stay with him for a few days in august, and that the week before that he'll be busy training a worker. This was emailed to me, not told to me in person when we met earlier that day. He added that if I wanted to join in with any of the activities (proms etc) 'it would be a delight'.
I met him to discuss this 'calmly' I asked how he knows her etc. He explained but was clearly upset about being questioned. I told him that any woman would feel concerned if an unknown female was coming to stay at the flat of her boyfriend. He said that if it were the other way round, or if I were to go and stay with a male friend in another city - he would trust me.
Am I being overly paranoid here? Or is he being naiive?
I'm completely confused and totally fed up. I cannot relax in this relationship, he wants out because of the complete lack of trust although he's reluctant to say so. He definitely wants a break. I love him so much but wonder if I can ever be with him or anyone for that matter.
Any thoughts appreciated
thankyou