How can I force him to leave (if possible at all).

[kaz1119]

Married to an a emotionally & financially abusive DH.

I want to end relationship but he refuses to go. He wants me to leave our home instead. But we have 2 young children, one of whom is severely disabled. Moving house is therefore not an option for me and my DC.

I have no family I could go to and have no friends. Can I force him to go? And if so how?

Is the marital home rented or mortgaged in your joint names?

You may be able to get an occupation order. This tool from Shelter may help you see whether that's an option for you.

Is he physically violent at all?

Mortgaged, in joint names. No physical violence.
Thanks.

You will probably be able to get a court order to have him removed on the grounds that the house is the DCs home and you are their main carer, but it will take a while as he is not violent. Talk to Women's Aid and Rights of Women about how to get rid of a man who is abusive but not physically so.

You're best advised to consult a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law. If money is an issue, some offer a free half hour intial consultation.

Providing your are not co-habitating (engaging in sexual relations with him), you can petition for divorce while living under the same roof. This may be sufficient to encourage him to move out.

In any division of joint marital assets it is probable that you will receive the lion's share and it is unlikely that, as mother to 2 young dc, you will be required to vacate your home particularly as one of your dc is disabled.

You should also talk to a solicitor about applying for an Occupation order which will give the police the power to remove him from the property if necessary.

Should he at any time threaten physical violence towards you please don't hesitate to dial 999.

Thanks, will try to arrange appointment with solicitor.

It might help for us to know exactly what has been going on so we can help you look at it from outside. I think it is really common for the person being abuse not to see the full extent of it and it may affect how quickly/what help you can get.

If you should need a recommendation for a rottweiler solicitor in your area, post on the Legal board.

Calling me names, really badly swearing, constantly smashing doors. Not letting me see friends, controlling the finances, he won't let me buy anything for myself, saying I don't deserve it.
I work as well (he FT, I due to DC only manage to work parttime) but mortgage, nursery etc goes out of my account (stupid me that I agreed to set it up that way in better times). He used to send me money every month to cover the bills but that has stopped. As a result, once the mortgage, nursery, council Tax etc is paid, I am left with virtually nothing. He does the supermarket shopping though and pays for it (though I assume this is control on his side again - he doesn't like it if I leave the house other than going to work, doing the school run or taking DS (disabled) to hospital appointments). Also, he is doing nothing at home... Virtually nothing.
I am so exhausted by everything, work, school runs, hospital appointments, 2 DC, having to do the household on my own and on top dealing with DH :(

Oh you'll be well rid of this one. Does he repair, or pay to have repaired, the things he's smashed or is your house getting wrecked by his ludicrous tantrums? Take photographs of the damage he does, and if he goes on a rampage, call the police. Not only will they remove him and pop him in a cell if he doesn't calm down, but having him arrested will help build a case for getting him out of the house quicker.

You can either bide your time and lay your plans while consulting solicitors, and try to keep things calm at home with this knobjockey, or you can tell him that the marriage is over, you will not be leaving the family home and he needs to move out. YOu, obviously, know him better than randoms on the internet do: assess your safety before doing this. Is he likely to sulk and refuse to leave, and talk a lot of bullshit about how he will get you evicted and get custody blah blah? IF he's one of those, simply withdraw all domestic services ie cook and launder for yourself and DCs, sleep in a spare room or whatever, until he gives up and moves.

HOwever, if you think he will respond to being told that he's dumped by becoming violent, lay your plans first then put them into action fast ie getting the warrant served which says he has to vacate the house and having someone hefty there to contain him if he tantrums.

oh, damage to things is violence. take photos. get police round to record the damage.

smashing thing sin front of DC is domestic abuse/violence.

and keep charged mobile at all times and call 999 next time he kicks off in any way.

teach DC how to call 999 (if they old enough)

tell neighbours that if they hear shouting you want them to call 999.

agree a code word with a friend so if you text "tea at 5" she will call police for you to your house.

the best thing you can do is get record of all he has done and start calling 999 from now on everytime you slightest bit scared of him

go to polcie and speak to a dv officer and explain - and explain that you scard he will ge tmore agressive as you want him to leave so they can put a tag on your landline so if you call they know to come quick.

Yes, I thought it would be worse than you thought it was. If you report this stuff through official channels, go to WA etc and document it all it will help speed up the processes.

I echo sgb. Not only will you be well shot of this abusive and violent small-minded twunt, you'll also have the pleasure of watching him crumble when he realises that his reign of terror and tyranny is well land truly over.

What can any women see in a bullying gobsite like him except the light? Praise the lord you've seen it, honey, and now let's work to get him the fuck of your home asap.

As advised above, get as much of his violent behaviour documented as you can and don't hesitate to call the police if he so much as raises his voice again. Also, as advised by cestlavielife, make contact with your local police station, ask to be referred to a dv counsellor, and get the necessary markers in place so that you're guaranteed a speedy response next time he kicks off.

In addition, viisit www.womensaid.org.uk to locate your nearest branch. Give the a ring during office hours or call the national 24/7 helpline for rl support, advice, and recommendations for solicitors who are familiar with dv and well-versed in curbing the excesses of the perpetrators.

I've got no hesitation in saying that the twunt who has sucked the joy out of your life and that of your dc deserves everything that's coming to him, and I'm looking forward to your blow by blow account of his demise.

The future's bright and you are going to be infinitely better off in every way once he's not blocking your sunlight.

Link: www.womensaid.org.uk