life ruined in 24 hours

[jeansforever]

Hi ,I left my h last year as he hit me , we had been trying to reconcile but i wasn't feeling it so last month told him it wasn't going to happen.
He was very upset and carried on trying to get me back , last week he came to my house and we had a few words which resulted in him attacking me in front of our children and also the children i childmind .
A neighbour saw and came to help managed to contact parents etc call police and ambulance.
The parents of the children have taken them out so i'm now jobless also he's probably going to prison .
What do i do regarding our house as i rent but if hes inside the mortgage wont get paid .
Any advice appriciated as i'm at a complete loss as my life has been ruined totally.

Hi jeans. I remember you from the SW thread. Im sorry that ive got no real advice for you about the housing thing. Hes not still there is he? So the bastard has also lost you your job AND assaulted you. So i take it theyve charged him. Keep a record of all thats happened with times,dates etc. Sorry my advice is a bit crap. i just wanted to offer you unmumnetty ((((hugs)))) and support.

Have you phoned Womens Aid?

Is there a restraining order in place to keep this bastard away? Womans Aid might be able to give you some advice on the housing thing. Im sure there will be other MNers who will know a lot more than me along soon. x

You poor thing. You need to phone Women's Aid in the first instance, as you may be able to access free legal aid and CAB people quickly through them because you have been a victim of DV. But you could also do both those things without going via Women's Aid. Solicitors often do an initial free half hour, and CAB will be able to advise you where you stand with your mortgage. I take it he remained in the marital home after you left him to rent your own place, and the mortgage is in both your names? CAB might also be able to advise you about your job situation and what you can do. Sorry I have no advice myself.
Hope you're okay.

Not an expert but if you were to get a court order banning him from coming near your home could you beg some of them to come back.

No for Womens Aid is 0808 2000 247.

Hi, Thanks he was arested and is due in court on the 2nd aug hes not allowed with in 100 metres of my house.
No they are adamant they will not be back, left instantly so my money stopped then.
I have a solicitor who's doing my divorce but she only does family law so it was just what would happen to the family home i was worried about as if it gets repossed i wont get paid out and that would have been a good deposit on a house for me and the kids .
Also if he goes to prison i wouldnt get any maintence so makes things even tighter.

That's a shame about your families, I guess it's understandable though. You're still registered though I guess? So there is the possibility of getting more work in the future, especially if you relocated so no neighbours to gossip etc.

Yeah social services and ofsted are happy i did all i could in the circumstances.
Guess i just need to advertise , all the neighbours have been very supportive so don't think that's a problem.

How awful for you. Could you take this as an opportunity to relocate? With your registration?

I know it's harsh, bit I can see why the parents did what they did. Although the locals are supportive. I can see it being an issue. Whether he's got a court order or not. Could you really imagine as a parent, anyone wanting to leave their children with someone, who has a violent ex, who has attacked in front of children. Who is still free, and quite possibly dangerous, court order or not.

I think you'll find, that although they will want to be supportive to you....leaving their kids in your care maybe a different matter.

I'd make an appt with the cab ASAP. Is renting this house out a possibility? Whilst you move a few miles away to rebuild your business?

Is it possible to talk to Childminder's Association, or local council or whoever registers you? If he is the cause of the problem and he is not there, then you should be able to prove that children in your care are not at any danger? When things have calmed down a bit for you, can you write to the parents and explain what happened? Obviously everyone is in shock but it was not you that caused the violence. Is it likely SWs are likely to talk to you re your children and aftereffects, they can be helpful at times especially if you are open and want to find solutions. WA might be able to put you in touch with local sols for all this.
Don't despair. I realise that everything looks very black and impossible at the moment but get all the RL help you can and try not to panic. Things will settle into some sort of pattern out of which you can build a future.

Thanks for the messges and kind words .
I think i'm still in shock and it does feel hopeless at the moment, social services have been and spoken to me and my children and say they have no concerns with me both as a parent and childminder , they have also spoken to ofsted and the parents.
I spose in time it will work itself out but at the moment just feels shit.

think of it as his life is ruined and he is getting the comeuppance he deserves.

your life is not ruined but is hitting a blip as consequence - however you will emerge stronger and happier. go to CAb etc for advice on money issues fo now if you unable to work.

you could get an order for the house to be sold or for you to occupy it?

if the parents know he is now gone forever they wil ome back - it is holidayas and some really going to need you.

call each family and reassure them.

you now know for sure not to engage with him at all or have him near you or dc ever again. (eventually if DC want to then supervised contact).