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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One night stand and developing feelings...

9 replies

Lucyinthesky14 · 22/07/2012 16:50

Right well my issue here is that I had a one night stand the other night. It was with my ex work colleague and he's the same age as me. Anyways, it's complicated because he used to live with a guy I was seeing for a bit (another workmate), and we had a bit of a rocky relationship. Because of this, my one night stand friend - we'll call him Steve - didn't really like me, and wasn't afraid of letting me see that. It was a bit intense because we all worked together. Before however, me and Steve got along pretty well, we have a similar sense of humour and hit it off pretty good initially. Unfortunately my relationship with his housemate meant that he seen me as a bit of a *** because he would always hear a one sided version of events. Anyways I left this workplace and went to go work abroad for a couple of months, my relationship with the man I was seeing ended and when I returned I had happened to go to a night out with my old work colleagues. Steve was there, and didn't say much to me to start with, anyways later we all got a bit tipsy and we ended up talking for a while. He came out with me and my other friend, and me and him ended up together the whole night, chatting. He was completely different to the guy he was before, so nice to me, complimentary, completely different to how he was before etc, and clearly it was the case that he'd just always sided with my ex because they were friends. To cut a long story short, we ended up sleeping together. And it was really pretty good. I left early the next day and we have spoken quite a bit. However he leaves tomorrow to go to the other side of the country and so chances of anything coming from this are minimal. We both have said that the timing is bad, but that strangely enough we enjoyed each others company. Only problem is I can't get him out of my head, and I don't know why. I feel genuinely upset that I won't see him again, and a bit gutted because I know we'd hit it off so well. I really don't know what to do, I feel like this but I don't want to say anything and make a fool of myself because it's only been a few days and I know i'll sound a bit mental telling him i'm feeling like this when he's leaving tomorrow and to be honest, we don't know eachother that well. Is this maybe just a normal feeling after a one night stand? Please can someone give me advice, and please don't criticise me for him being friends with my ex. I know that it's not very right but I can't help how I feel. x

OP posts:
Lucyinthesky14 · 22/07/2012 17:01

I'm sorry for putting this up here, as im sure plenty of people have problems a lot worse than this, and i'm probably just being silly. But i can't talk to anyone else about it as i know they will judge me. Thank you for any help.x

OP posts:
jadebond007 · 22/07/2012 17:27

Don't feel bad. If you like him, you should say something. He's leaving anyway, so give it a shot.

jadebond007 · 22/07/2012 17:28

I also think that if you didn't like each other at first, that's a sign that maybe there was some chemistry between you all along?

Strong feelings getting confused and all that?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/07/2012 17:33

I'm going to say the complete opposite to jadebond. Your first instinct was to dislike him, stick with that. Of course he was charming and complimentary, he wanted into your knickers! Seriously, don't give it another thought.

(A friend ignored her first instinct, and allowed herself to be seduced and flattered. Two kids later and he's off with OW, after years of emotional abuse. Just sayin', like.)

dequoisagitil · 22/07/2012 17:39

I think it's the emotional comedown from the excitement, closeness and the sex. I think you're overthinking and should just let it go.

Lucyinthesky14 · 22/07/2012 17:48

I feel like i have nothing to lose though by telling him? Chances are i'll never see him again...I just feel like i might regret not saying anything but at the same time I don't want to look like some crazed bunny boiler! I never disliked him initially, i got along with him well. He disliked me because of all the arguements me and my ex would have.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 22/07/2012 18:20

I don't want to look like some crazed bunny boiler!

In that case, don't! Most of what you're feeling is due to the novelty of getting it off on so well with him against the odds.

These feelings are intensified by the fact that he's going away but, for all you know, the only reason he came on to you is that he knew he wouldn't be around for any follow up encounters or find himself in the situation of having to explain anything to his mate/your ex .

Wish him well, offer to stay in touch, and put your brief encounter with him down to good or bad timing.

Who knows, he might be back in the not too distant future or he might suggest meeting up for a weekend halfway. Whatever, this is one to put in the lap of the gods.

Mobly · 22/07/2012 20:39

I'd keep it light, say you enjoyed his company & would like to keep in touch. Give him your contact details & then the ball is in his court. I wouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve.

solidgoldbrass · 22/07/2012 21:49

Keep it all very light, wish him well in his new job and suggest being Facebook friends or something. A good shag is a good shag, but no need to attach any more importance to it than that/.

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