want to moan

[linzoid]

I have been in tears this afternoon. Once again dh has made me feel like sht. He had been struggling to fix something in the house, i decided to make some lunch for everyone, did it a little earlier in the day than i did last week as last weekend he came stomping downstairs ranting about why i hadn't even started the lunch yet. Today i make sandwiches for everyone and he starts ranting again saying you know i'd rather have had a full english breakfast and that won't feed a fly etc etc, takes a bite, says it's fing crap and throws it in the bin!
Was really looking forward to going out to his works do tonight but i told him to shove it and go on his own...oh god..sorry to whinge but i feel soooo angry and pid off. He doesn't thin k he's in the wrong and has trivialised it saying i'm making a big deal over a sandwich. He is nice to me some of the time but i think he expects me to be his slave now that he works many more hours than me.

Sorry you feel like rubbish Linzoid. I think it's a bit rich, that comment coming from him about the sandwich tbh. He was the one who had a tantrum about it after all. I hope you manage to destress, and have a relaxing night.

Leave him a map to the kitchen in future, linzoid

Seriously, that really is outrageous behaviour no matter how many hours he works...

How about making him the full english breakfast every weekend ( and the rest of you watch him eat it whilst you tuck into your healthy bowls of cereal, or whatever). When he gets fed up of this treatment, or starts to feel guilty and protests, you can be all sweetness and say " Oh, but I thought you said you wanted the full english breakfast, and that sandwiches for lunch weren't enough for you? ". And depending upon how well he treats you in the meantime you can content yourself with the idea of what all that fat is doing to his arteries! Sorry if this seems too evil, but we've had similar scenarios in this house. Good luck!

message withdrawn

Had a major row today, carried on from yesterday. he did his usual and said it's his house i'm living in paid for by him and that i have not contributed anything ( can't believe he can think this way) I have told him that i can't be with him anymore. Feeling v v scared, i'm not emotionally strong enough to be on my own, i can't cope yet i don't want to be treated like this. Feel terribly guilty about the kids being in the middle. Don't know what to do, feel like i'm going crazy. I don't know how i can go on.

hugs linzoid.

For what it's worth, I think we all have emotional strength that we're not aware we have until we actually need it.

I think you're right that things need to change one way or the other. Could you suggest (when things have calmed down a bit) counselling with Relate or similar? Don't worry too much about the kids - I'm sure it'd be far worse for them if you just carried on regardless as if nothing was wrong - it's not good for them to be in that sort of atmosphere all the time.

I'm sure that other mumsnetters have far better advice of what to do than me, so I'll just leave it there with lots of thoughts of support and sympathy floating your way.

Ive been in a similar situation.From the moment I got pregnant with my eldest(now 6yrs)I had probs with my boyf doing things his way & treating me like s#t.We eventually worked things out(I had to show him I was strong enough to live without him & scare him abit after Id always broken down in the past & begged him not to leave etc etc)but it took a long time of taking antidepressants & getting myself to a place where I knew I loved him but I also knew that I wouldnt take his s#t anymore & realising that I could cope without him if I had to.I know you dont feel like this now,Ive felt like ending it all but my little kids faces & the thought of him bringing them up always pulled me through.If it comes to it,you can do it alone,but for the time being show him youre a strong person & that you wont take it,if he cant deal with that then its his choice but you can cope without him.Girl power!

Not contributed anything???!! How much would he have had to pay someone else to do the million-and-one things you do? Cooking, cleaning, childcare, being his personal slave etc. He wouldn't have been able to go out and earn 'his' money without your help. Hugs to you. xxx

Like Josiejump, I'd go the "lard route" too! Lots of nice high fat sausages, bacon, fried bread, cooked in lots of lard.

Nice to you "some of the time"?? That should be most, if not all of the time!

You don't work the hours he does? What do you do, clock off with the kids and housework at 4.30 then? Huh! Men!

GeorginaA is right - someone clever once said "A woman is like a teabag. You don't know how strong she is until she's in hot water"
good luck

What a bastard (sorry to insult him Linzoid). Personally I couldn't stay married to a man like that (although I am not trivialising how hard it would be to leave the marriage, or advocating that you should do this)

I am afraid that his attitude and behaviour towards you are unacceptably abusive.

Linzoid - He sounds just like my Dad. He STILL treats my Mum like that! Its awful.... and it was awful to be brought up in a house where there was NO respect. I have no respect for him although he doesn't even know that we could hear all the things he would say to my Mum.

It is a disgusting, controlling and cruel way to treat someone you are supposed to love and he is a bully. You could've cooked him a 4 course a la carte meal and he still would've done that. It was nothing to with the sandwich and everything to do with the fact he was in a bad mood doing DIY! When my Dad had to even put a shelf up we would all go out or hide iin our rooms coz we always knew it would end up with him in a temper blaming my Mum for something.

Please please please for the sake of your children leave him. My Mum is secretly filing for divorce at the moment. But she is now 52 and has spent 30 yrs like this! Its so sad and unnecessary.