so I am trying to get him to agree on the split of the house contents

[KirstyWirsty]

STBX seems reluctant to agree to anything .. I suggested that he come over today and haven't heard from him yet so just texted him to say come at 5

I am worried he is going to be difficult... yesterday when he dropped DD off he said that he supposed I already have an idea of what I want and I replied that as he already had a tv and dvd player it would make sense for me to keep them and he has the washing machine and tumble drier.. 'We'll see' was his response ..

I am really worried as he can be quite aggressive but I don't want to end up with less than I am entitled to!!

Any tips??

I

Make a list of what you would like to keep. Stay calm and be prepared to compromise. Hope it goes ok.

Is it likely to be a who-paid-for-what scenario?

I've got a spreadsheet of what is mine his and DD's as well as the things jointly owned.

I can't go down the who paid for what route as i paid for everything while he paid the mortgage

I agree with making a list. Do it before he gets there, copy it and hand him 'his' copy.

Yes to staying calm and compromising if possible.

If at any point he starts to become threatening or aggressive ask him firmly and politely to leave.

My ex had terrible trouble splitting the house contents. I ended up randomly handing over things to him in the street (like his XBox and CDs). He took each and every item as a further insult and a confirmation that the relationship was over, which he wasn't happy with. Not trying to scare you, I just know how difficult it can be. I hope you get on ok.

x-posted OP

He had begged me to take him back 4 weeks ago when we got the offer on the house.. I was hoping that he would be a bit more reasonable after admitting he was in the wrong.. DD7 will be here so hopefully he will behave but i have a neighbour on standby to take her just in case..

Very sensible KirstyWirsty. It sounds very similar to my situation. Unfortunately our DCs being there did not deter his bad behaviour and I had to threaten him with the police before he finally left .

You are prepared. Be strong.

When I had to do this with my ex I insisted on meeting in a public place to stop him kicking off. Still got nasty but not half as nasty as it would have done with no witnesses. Maybe you could get a friend round to sit in another room in your house so he knows someone's there? Eventually I had to get police to escort ex to pick up his stuff as he was very aggressive. Take care, be strong but most importantly be safe.

Keep it clear in your own mind what you want, and what your own bottom line is - don't go below that for the sake of keeping the peace.

I still have this particular joy to go through, we're still trying to agree matters relating to the house (it's only taken 4.5 years) so am not expecting to agree a split of the contents any time soon apart from the fact he took all the best stuff with him when he moved out

If he has any history of aggression at all, have other people there when he comes round. If he misbehaves, tell him to fuck off and sue you for the stuff. Remember that the key to dealing with a tiresome man is to hold on to the thought that you do not have to obey him. He doesn't have superpowers. He's just a knob.

When my ex and I split, I gave him what he came into the marriage with. I kept everything else as I was the one with the kids full time. Needed to keep the home as stable as possible. All was put out on the front lawn for him to collect, because I never wanted him to cross the threshold of the family home again.

He got some plates, flatware, a few pyrex dishes, all his cds plus the ones I didn't want, a dvd player, a table and chairs, a set of bunk beds (for the kids to sleep on when they visited him) and the contents of the garage I didn't want (had great fun throwing all of it in his precious car without any care in the world).

Occasionally I come across some things I don't want and pass it on to him when he picks up the boys every other weekend. Amazing that I still find things 2.5 years on.

He came into the conversation a bit arsey and then got upset and apologetic and became a bit more conciliatory .. he has agreed to dismantle some stuff and transfer my private reg from his car to mine. Lost the laptop but it is old and playing up anyhow .. other than that think it went ok.. a lot of tears on both sides ..

Thanks for coming back with an update.

It is a tough time. In the majority of cases, it does get better. Keep firm and consistent. Fair but not a doormat.

Lecture over

Oh, and I am a bit of a hypocrite because I haven't got the guts to hand over my exs' golf clubs yet (it was the only thing he stated that he wanted in the Court Order when we finally divorced).

I'm too scared to finally give them to him for fear he may flip.

Hijack over. Glad it went ok-ish for you.