Refuge - What did you wish you had taken?

[Blossomgirl]

Thank you to everyone who has helped me today to come this far.

I'm going to ring the refuge back on Monday, and I want to get ready. I have a couple of hours today and tomorrow to prepare. Any guidance very gratefully received.

I have only the assurance of the lady I spoke to at the refuge, the support here and my imagination at the moment as to what it will be like. I'm trying to be practical but there is bound to be something that may make a world of difference to the transition for us that is not here.

I have listed these:
I have paperwork, birth cert etc.
Portable Hard drive with all my pics etc on
Clothes for me and DS1&2, just basics nothing to alert the drawers being emptier.
Favorite teddy.
Some toiletries / meds
Phone charger

Toys?
recipes?
Pillow cases?

Do I need to be able to easily carry what I take?
Do I need to be ready to travel alone?
I guess I need re/move anything precious as my ExP will be in the house for at least a month with all the stuff I leave behind.

thank you, Blossom

toy they can play together eg box of lego?

camera

any precious things that are irreplaceable eg ornaments or whatever

Can you use one of the really big taxis to carry more? It will cost more but it would be worth it. Can you store stuff in a friend's garage or spare room?

Precious kids artwork?

Anything precious to them really.

Radio or form of music, but think what is precious to you and what can be purchased again. Can you have 2 taxis, one following you?

Mint, thank you NotALondoner' really helpful! The artwork, yes spot on. Lego too. Most things are replaceable, Ds1's MP3 is a must. I've no idea how I will travel though it will be some miles, trains are easy here. Thank you for replying x

got to go now though, thank you Nota'

What have refuge said? When I needed them they had a trailer as long as I had everything ready.

Take stuff you can't replace, clothes can be bought as can electrical items but little unique things can't. I left my ds's baby hair and first shoes and forgot some photo's in the rush and lots of other little things.

So, mementos.

Whereabouts are you, OP?

Is there any way you can pass some things to a friend beforehand?

If they are coming to collect you, couldn't you have some of those big laundry bag things ready and then go through the drawers and take it all, or handily have 'forgotten' to put the ironing away and leave what you need stacked on the table or something?

Have you got a note of your mobile phone contacts in case he stops your account, if you are on a contract.

Just looked at your other thread - wow, OP, it sounds horrendous. Well done you for making the decision to leave.

Do you have everything you need to separate yourself financially? Contact details / list of organisations eg any loan details, your housing people's contact info, your contacts at social services etc. Any organisations that have your name or both your names. Do you have a joint bank account?

It's not really something to take, but change your PINs / passwords for email etc, if they are anything he has known or could guess.

Your ex's employment details and/or NI number can help if you subsequently need to claim child maintenance via the CSA.

Good luck.

If you were local I would help you!

Blossom, I would say in your situation, anything he could blackmail you with, or cause trouble over.... Anything he could use against you emotionally

blossomgirl I just thought I would drop by and let you know your doing absolutely the right thing.

I spent 6 of the best months of my life in a women's 'hostel' and met some of the most life changing people ever! Those people shaped my life in ways I couldn't even explain, and although my mum returned to the abuse, the time we spent there was unbelievable!

Get out, & don't let him get in your head when your away! Stay strong!

Take absolutely irreplaceable essentials, everything else will be provided for you! Bedding etc is nice to have but if you need to move quickly not completely practical!

Make a list of things you need to sort quickly & prioritise them, there will be people there that can help you with this.

There are councillors on site during the week & although I didn't think I needed them (14yo) I'm glad I had them. Just being taken out for a burger and chat made the world of difference, talking to strangers makes things better sometimes!

Well done you! Pm me if you need anything! Xxx

Oh and clear history on any computers you have used!

good tip about clearing your history on computer. I am in refuge at the moment. I'm so glad I brought my recipe book as it has meant I actually bother to cook proper meals and try new things. I brought way too many toys for my lo (3 boxes) what I have learnt is that they really don't need much at all to be happy! Books and dvds if u want but my refuge doesn't have a dvd player so was pointless! Most important is documents and pretty much everything else can be sorted out later. Good luck! Xx

Don't have anything to add but withing you lots of strength. Don't know your story but sounds as though you're doing the right thing

Whatever you leave behind wont be as important as you and your children's wellbeing. Good luck xx

Hi blossomgirl goodluck with everything, havnt seen your previous thread but I'm pretty sure your doing the right thing. I ran away from my violent stbxh few days ago and I must have been lucky for the ss to find me a 2bed house. They did mention it'd be 200miles away and mostly empty with only essentials like fridge, cooker and w.machine plus a bed. They paid half the removal bill and my friend helped with the rest. As I was pretty sure I will never want to see him again nor go back to collect remaining stuff...I collected half of everything in the house. I had no money so it was important to take as much as possible coz I and dd needed them more than him(much arguable later in court if he claims you stole!) We are happy and settled now away from everyday violence :)

I'd say collect essentials first but if you have enough transport like I did, take what your gna need to start a new life with your dc.

Good luck and be safe xx

hiya blossomgirl. Seems like everyone else has it covered just wanted to say ive been in your situation and it does get better! Refuges are shit but good as in you can concentrate on you and kids, not bills ect while you get your head sorted.
Dont worry so much about toys they usually all have a playroom and kids all play together and entertain themselves. And ask the staff about donations lovely people out there donate toiletrys and food, it made me feel so nice having champeneys body lotion and scrub, nail varnish, and being able to wear make up again.