What do you do if you think your

[WinkyWinkola]

other half has a crush on someone? And that someone is your friend?

He denies it but he is very attentive when that friend as around. There could be a whole din of noise with children etc but if she speaks, he always hears her.

If he hasn't seen his wife for a week and then he suggests inviting her and her dcs along for an afternoon out when he arrives that day?

He is always smiling, very bright and breezy when she's around.

She is the kind of person who enjoys the attention very much but is married and wants to stay that way. She would never want to risk her marriage.

I feel like I'm going a bit mad but my gut is telling me he actually has a crush on her and it feels humiliating. But I can't actually prove anything and he just says he doesn't find her attractive.

It is perfectly healthy to have crushes and find other people attractive. It's when it crosses that line, that it's unacceptable. If you believe neither of them would cheat, just smile and nod and get on with things.

Oh god, sympathies. This sounds horrendous and I bet it's done in such a subtle-but-not-subtle-at-all way that if you say something it will backfire on you and you will end up looking like the inappropriate one. Does the woman encourage it or just cut him dead? Is she a close friend? Could you back off slightly (if she is obviously enjoying the attention, which a real friend would not be) or just see her without him around until he learns to control himself?

Your gut is probably right. But crushes fade, please don't worry too much.

Exactly, Tall. I just end up looking paranoid . It's really hard. Perhaps I should develop a crush too then, if it's healthy. he probably wouldn't notice though.

My friend is someone who loves attention so she's vivacious and flirty with everyone really. She's very nice but loves her husband.

Meanwhile, I get cheeses off with feeling like if DH could be with her, he would. I don't want to feel second best.

But because I have nothing tangible to go on, to talk to him about I can't do anything really but watch and wait in case something does happen. But the very act of a crush is hurtful.

Of course it's hurtful and I don't blame you for feeling that way so what you've got to work on is yourself. If I was in this situation I'd do something that made me feel good about myself, go to the hairdressers, buy something new and have a night out with friends looking gorgeous. If not that then anything that gives you a little boost and builds up your self-esteem.

It makes me want to split up with him, frankly. I am finding it really hard to just be in the shadows.

We've just come back from a family holiday with them and another two families.

It was whenever I wondered where he was when I needed some help with the dcs, he wasn't there. He was in the pool/kitchen/garden with her - and others too mostly.

I just detached from him on holiday in the end. It felt like he didn't particularly want to be around me at all. It was all friendly etc but it looked like he would just rather have been somewhere else.

I couldn't fault his devotion to the dcs on holiday though.

Were you expecting leave the bastard responses?

Are you looking for a way out here?

Have you told him what you've just said?

Why don't you stop socialising with her every five bloody minutes? Sounds like she's in your pocket.

That wasn't meant to sound so harsh!

aaw perhaps he just likes her company. you obviously do. if you went on holiday.
give a break from them perhaps.
holiday is over too now isnt it so things will get back to normality

do you like her dh?
perhaps you can be extra friendly to him.

You simply cannot expect to suppress his feelings winky, if it is a crush he can't help the feelings. You haven't really said anything that makes me think it is a crush either, you are very jealous but all it sounds like is that he likes her, just because she is female and he is heterosexual doesn't mean it is a crush. What you sound mad at him for is leaving you to do the lion's share of work with the dcs on holiday.

I would be a "little" concerned.
Agree with the not going on holiday with them.
Can understand you would feel a little hurt and put out.
He may indeed not find her physically attractive,but he is finding her emotionally attractive.
Has he done this before with anyone else?
And you say you dont want to be second best.You may not be,but he does need to be told that this is not on.
Am wondering whether you have felt second best in your life before,either in a relationship,or as you grew up,or with childhood friends.

This is danger. Even if she is 'a good person', it is human to be flattered so there will be encouragement for some more nice admiration AND you are being compared with Mrs Paragon.

You need to stop seeing those friends, sorry.

OR.. she could be just being friendly and be a bit peed off with your husband following her around and would love to tell him to piss off but is too polite to do so!

at Mardyarsed! He was following her around rather, like a lovesick puppy I thought.

If your other halves developed what appears to be a crush/significant attraction to someone else, would you be very understanding, respect that he can't suppress his feelings or would to expect the man you married to show a wee bit more respect or consideration for your feelings?

Personally I agree with abitwobblier.

But I say that as someone that was exactly where you are 3yrs ago.

Since then he admitted he had feelings. (at which point I kicked him out...)

Then got caught out having crossed a line.

He is now happily shagging his best mates wife a couple of times a week whilst the whole village watch (metaphorically)...the only person that seems oblivious is her husband.

You may sense that I am a little biassed in my opinion.

I don't think this signifies the end by a long shot, but I'm not sure how you pull it back.

I would not only expect him "to show a wee bit more respect or consideration for your feelings",I would expect him also to control himself,stay from her if necessary or definitely lessen the amount of meetings,and monitor him as if he is a naughty schoolkid.And if he doesnt like it,tough.Better safe than sorry.

If he's got the hots for someone else then I don't want him.

I´d think that they were pathetic tbh-especially if they were making sure that they saw them more than necessary.

I'm sorry I shouldn't have posted my rant on your thread.

I was planning to get to the end and offer some words of wisdom...and then realised I didn't have any but posted anyway.

What did help a bit for a short while was that I googled and found a websites which had '10 signs of an emotional affair' or similar. I thought he was ticking at least 7 of them. Emailed it to him and he agreed that 'quite a few of the signs' fitted. He then realised the damage he was causing and backed off for a while.

I will also add that I thought I was safe - not because I trusted my dp, but because I didn't expect the ow to do that to her dh.

I guess I wanted to say that you need to stop this in its tracks sooner rather than later but was hoping some more wise mnetters would come along with the how.

And you have my sympathy. It's a shit place to be.