I'm already dreading Christmas

[AlreadyDreadingChristmas]

My family is falling apart.

A) My oldest brother walked out on his wife of 30 plus years for a girl 2 years older than his own daughter.
B) My sister has been divorcing her husband for 5 years. I'm not even sure why it is taking so long. They can't be in a room with each other for more than 5 minutes before she starts screaming at him. She has lived with our parents for the past 7 years, but now she has a new boyfriend.

They both want to bring them to my house for Christmas. I don't want either to come because
A) SIL is more like a sister to me, she has no other family left and as far as I am concerned she is spending Christmas with me.
B) I have looked after my sister's son for the past 8 years. He doesn't want the new boyfriend there and if he deserves one day to be good, it's Christmas.

I told them both it wasn't on, they aren't talking to me (but still want to come) and have pulled our parents into it. My parents told me it was none of my business who my brother and sister brought with them!

Well if your parents feel that strongly, let your brother and sister spend Christmas with them and you can see your SIL and sisters son in your own place.

And maybe see your parents another time?

Oh crumbs .... I can't even think that far ahead.

Christmas day in your home is your call, I think under current circumstances I would make it clear you are having a quiet affair this year, and include that statement to your parents.

Which is exactly why we are going away fir Christmas this year and we won't be back until sometime in January.

Have booked a cottage for me, DH and 3 DCs in the remote Scottish highlands and i can't wait!!

well, have you asked sil about christmas?

and what carnivorouspanda said really... let your parents pick up the slack!

I'd go away for Christmas and invite nephew and SIL with you

It is every bit your business who you have in your home at Christmas. What anyone else does is their own look out but you can invite and not invite whoever you like and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

They won't do Christnas themselves. They'll say they're too old and couldn't do it on their own and how can I let them down when they love Christmas so much. SIL wants to come, I have asked her. But she doesn't want to cause trouble either. Sorry, I'm trying not to dripfeed.

Your house your rules. Its your Christmas too.

Of course it is your business who comes to your house.

Have Christmas your way and second, if your parents are that concerned let them play host.

You are giving them 5 months notice to sort something different out for themselves, tell them to book themselves in at the local pub/hotel/restaurant!

Why would they have to do it on their own? They could go to your brother or your sister or your brother or sister could do the food stuff at their house. You stick to what you believe, I know it is easier said than done but it won't be just one year if you give in the right to choose your own guests, it'll be for years to come.

no solutions but whatever happens I really hope you stick to your guns and SIL comes to you

The rest of the family can all go out for a meal, or one of the others could cook.

"My parents told me it was none of my business who my brother and sister brought with them!"

Really?

I would tell your parents it is your house and it is your business, although much as I love my SIL if she and my brother separated I would invite my brother over her, but that's because we get on and he supported me through my divorce. Everyone doesn't have to come to you. You invite the people you want (SIL nephew etc) tell parents they are coming and parentsd can come if they wish but you aren't inviting your siblings this year.
Parents like it or lump it. They can always go to one of your sibs for Christmas.

Your house, you invite whomever you like. Your parents can spend Christmas with your brother and stop guilt-tripping you. "How can you let them down like this when they love Christmas so much???" - oh pur-lease. They are your parents; I don't care how elderly they are, they should act like adults, not like whiny, needy emotional vampires. FGS.

Your house, your business. If your siblings aren't happy, they can have their own Xmas elsewhere. If you parents aren't happy - they can spend Xmas elsewhere also. If you want to have Xmas with your SIL, do that. It's your house, your life and your Xmas.

Could you o to your SIL with your family and of course your sister' son?

I agree with everyone else

Just say once more who is and who is not invited and then refuse to discuss it anymore

I sympathise - Christmas always causes huge tensions and problems in my family. But really ...... it's July!!!

Unless you're booking a holiday, who discusses Christmas plans in July?!!! Can't you just tell everyone it's too early to think about it and you'll discuss it in November?

Failing that, I'd go for the rule I try and operate under, which is that Christmas is for children - and certainly not for petty, selfish and demanding adults. So, if your sister's son wants a family Christmas which doesn't include mum's boyfriend, then go with that. Would your sister in law's daughter be coming too? If so, presumably she would object to spending the day with her father's young girlfriend?

You are being entirely reasonable here. You have given them 5 months notice that OW and new BF are not welcome. If it's that important for your brother and sister to spend Christmas with them, they are quite at liberty to cook for themselves.

Your parents are talking rot, don't be guilt tripped.

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to "grow a pair" and have whoever you choose. Your reasons are totally reasonable. If they react badly, that's not your fault.

You say you look after your sister's son and that he does't want his mother's new man there, which makes it straightforward, and if you are friends with SIL there is no way you can have your DB and OW either.

Your parents are being pathetic. If they are "too old" to cook etc, then they can ask DB/his girlfriend and your sister to contribute, cook whatever. Given their strange priorities and views I would uninvite them too!

Have christmas with who you want.

Remind your parents that as you pay for your house they do not get to dictate who you invite to your house, and as your sister lives with them then she can do christmas at their house.