DH lies a lot about silly things. Any hope?

[PantsOnFiore]

DH is lovely. Great company, great round the house, great with our dc. He isn't so great at telling the truth though

It seems to always be little things, but he just lies all the time and makes up stories and I'm starting to get really pissed off. I feel like I don't want to talk to him or be with him because I can't trust him.

Examples are - 'Did you order my prescription?' 'No, I tried to but the pharmacist didn't understand what I wanted' 'You mean you forgot?' 'Yes'.

Or 'I bought this for the car for £40' 'Excellent'. Friend comes over 'That's great, that car thing, I saw them for £80 in Argos' me to DH 'You said it was £40!!!!'

All quite silly but starting to really annoy me as bringing dc into it now. He went to shops in car and left dd (6) in car. I don't like him to do this. Came back home and she told me. I was annoyed and said 'Did you leave dd in the car????' he said 'no' which then made me have to question dd and 'choose' who to believe (he finally admitted he was lying and he did leave her).

So, is there any hope? Should I just leave him? His mother is incredibly scary and I think this all stems from trying to avoid being screamed at when he was a child, but that doesn't make it any better for me

This wouldnt be anything like important enough to end my marriage for however annoying it is

It does seem remarkably stupid to leave DD in the car if he knows you object though

Have you tried doing it to him ? Taste of his own medicine ?

I think this reminds me too much of dealing with my teenage DD !

I don't think this is anything even close to a dealbreaker. It would be really irritating, and I'd undoubtedly get cross when I found out about the silly lies, but I wouldn't see it as a reason to end the marriage.

To be honest, I'd start to doubt myself if my husband felt he couldn't tell me about forgetting to do me a favour or tell me how much something he'd bought had cost. I'd feel like a real shit if an adult knew my reaction to the truth would be more unpleasant than having to feel guilty about fibbing.

People who sometimes lie aren't worthless. It sounds like the op's DH is frightened of upsetting people. I feel a bit sorry for him.

If I were to leave a child or children unattended to suit my convenience, the least of my worries would be that a policeman would come along.

I've told my fair share of little white lies of the 'no, your bum doesn't look big in that' variety and I've exhorted dc to be economical with the actualite if revealing the truth would spoil a surprise for someone but, other than small venial sins of this nature, I can't be doing with lies or liars.

A much loved and lamented late dear relative held to the maxim that she'd 'rather have a thief than a liar because you know where you are with a thief' and can take steps to lock your valuables away when they're around. Maybe it's in blood because I'm of exactly the same mind.

in the blood

I have sympathy for both of you. My DP was/is the same. He would lie about silly things like doing chores in the house and sometimes more seriously paying bills (we nearly got taken to court because he hadn't paid the council tax for 6 months - he hadn't opened any bills and i found them hidden - he honestly believed if he said he hadn't opened them he wouldn't have to pay ).

It was always bizarre, because it wasn't like i wouldn't see it/find out. It used to drive me mad. His family are, um, odd, to say the least and they all lie. He was brought up it was better to lie than have any kind of confrontation.

The breaking point was when i had been away and asked him to take a lawn mower to his parents (it had been in the middle of our utility room for weeks). He went to his parents and i txted him to ask if he'd done it and he said he had. We went to Ikea the next day to now get some storage for the utility room and as we were looking around i said 'well now the lawn mower isn't there...' and saw the look on his face. I said you did take it didn't you? he mumbled. I said incredulously 'but you said you took it'. At which point he looked terrified and said 'I lied' and then literally ran away and hid.

I was so taken aback that i burst out laughing. It seemed so incredible that you would lie over something. When he saw me laugh, he laughed too. He looked so relieved. I immediately felt so sad for the little boy he'd been.

We had a proper talk about it and he explained that even when he knew i would find out it was better to just keep putting off the inevitable (think of a man falling out of a window and saying 'so far so good' and the further he falls the worst it will be).

Me laughing was the opposite of what he expected and totally difused the situation. Now he doesn't do it as much as he knows i wont be angry. But if/when he does, and i suspect he is lying, i ask and he says 'no' so i smile and jokingly say 'this isn't like the lawn mower is it?' and if he is lying he will laugh and say 'maybe'.

This has never happened like in your case as we don't have DC. But I would try to speak to him and perhaps have some kind of diffusing techniques where he can indirectly admit to lying without 'getting in trouble'. I know he's not a child but sometimes there is a child/pattern within us all which we revert to in times of stress.

I can see how some would find your dp's behaviour endearing spuddy, although I suspect the novelty would soon wear off if his failure to open bills led to an appearance in the Magistrates Court for non-payment of council tax.

However, what the OP has on her hands is a man who has been repeatedly requested not to leave his dd alone in the car while he shops and who is happy to sit beside her when, due entirely to his lies, she is being questioned to ascertain whether she's told the truth.

What message is he giving to his dc?

izzy

'although I suspect the novelty would soon wear off if his failure to open bills led to an appearance in the Magistrates Court for non-payment of council tax'.

Ha! This is exactly what happened!

I do agree tho this is different which is why i pointed out we have no DC. However, I was just giving an example of how i have coped with it thus far. I do not know what i would do if the lies became more serious.

As i don't have DC, and out of interest, can i just ask what the problem with leaving them in the car is? I know i was left in the car for hours at a time (altho that was the 70's!)