Fuck. I can't do this any more.

[ornellaia]

I am separated from H, we split in March but have been living separately in 'our' house. He is supposed to be moving out and has been in the process of buying his own place, the vendors have now pulled out of the sale (4 months after accepting his fucking offer) - apparently they are hoping to get a better price.

I can't take him being in the house any longer. He makes hard work of contributing to bills, he is rude and ignorant and then suddenly friendly and chatty (when he wants to tell me something). He is already dating other women. We are supposed to have separate food etc, but he eats my food, he doesn't clean any of the shared areas, he does nothing with the DC. He sleeps all day and bashes around the house all night.

I just hate it, I've been hanging on, waiting for him to go. I feel like I'm in limbo and can't move on from the split. I'm barely coping and now he has to go through the whole process of buying another house and I'm supposed to just carry on sharing a house with a man I despise.

Sorry, there's no question here, I just needed to tell someone how shit my day has just become.

That is shit. Kick him out, why can't he rent a room whilst he's looking?

I'm sorry for you, that's a really shitty position to be in. If he has enough money to buy a house, does he have enough to rent somewhere for 6 months?

I don't know what else to suggest, it sounds horrible

He could, but he won't. Says this is his house so he doesn't see why he should be 'homeless'. Then proceeds to tell me I am stealing his house (I'm keeping the house as my divorce settlement), I should be paying him rent, and other such obnoxious bullshit.

Have you petitioned for divorce?

Have you already been awarded the house? is it in writing, if it is could you not just change the locks and throw his stuff out when he isnt there?

I know this is pathetic, but could you not padlock your food in the cupboards, or keep all your stuff in separate rooms?? Have you spoken to your solicitor about this? If you have DC'S it sounds like he is seriously affecting them as well as you, and they may be able to see if they could kick him out?In regards to bills, security code the internet so he cannot access it, but the rest would be tough .

How old are your dc? Sounds awfull!

DC are 6 & 5, they know he's moving out and I think it is really confusing for them that they know he's going at some point but he's still here. But even though he's here, he's not doing anything with us/them any more.

I think locking up my food is a step too far for me, annoying though it is to come downstairs in the morning and find I have no milk for the DC breakfast. He is mostly buying his own food, but basic stuff like tea bags, bread, milk he's just using mine. If he runs out of something he just uses mine.

I just want him to go. I've said he should offer a higher price, the next door house has just sold for more. He's not keen, but I have said that he can't expect to just stay here indefinitely. Because I said something he didn't like, he's now gone out.

I just want to cry, but DC are downstairs and I don't want to upset them.

Firstly i am sorry you are in this awful situation. It must be a nightmare.
Secondly, he needs to realise what damage he is causing the children. Cutting them off and not interacting with them is appalling. What access has he been given when he does eventually leave? Does he want that? Its hard enough on kids when their parents split but to subject them to this is downright disgusting behaviour (his not yours)
Can you get a solicitor to intervene at all in terms of getting him to leave the house? Have all the divorce finances been settled on (as you know you are getting the house?) Has the house already transferred to you - in which case, do as guilty says and kick him out - or give him an ultimatum that he has say, 2 weeks to find a place then he's out.
This situation is not acceptable for you and it certainly is not acceptable for your young children to be in

Thanks for all the sympathy and suggestions everyone. I have a solicitor who is just doing a very basic fixed-fee package - limited advice, writing the consent order and filling in the divorce forms. The house is still in his name so I don't think I can actually kick him out. It's hard to have a conversation with him because if I say something he doesn't want to hear he just walks away. I will try explaining that draggng things out like this is making it harder for the DC. He is planning to see them regularly when he moves out (1 night per week plus an evening), but I don't think he realises that they miss him now, because they hardly ever actually see him.

He will move out eventually I guess, I think I just pinned my hopes on it being in the next few weeks. I suppose I'll manage because I'll just have to [brave face].

STBX has spent the past 2 weekends at his parents' house, it has been lovely just having me and DC here. He's also increased his offer on the place he's trying to buy, I'm hoping the vendor agrees and everything can go ahead, it should be quite quick if they do - his solicitor was all ready to exchange before the vendor changed their mind.

I'm crossing my fingers very tightly here.

Oh and he is playing with the DC right now, admittedly he's still in bed, but they have their lego in his room and they're all chatting away happily.

I'd get a better solicitor or up your package. With legal stuff, you get what you pay for.

Hi, I don't have much time to reply now, but just wanted to say that I'm in a similar position - and my ex and I split up almost 2 years ago! I hate sharing a house with him, and feel ill and stressed almost all the time. He barely lifts a finger to do anything. I'm hoping that we'll finally be able to move out (separately!) at the end of August, but if everything falls through, I'll be devastated. I really can't take much more of it. So I have huge sympathy for you - I know how hard it is.

God I don't know how you do it?! I had to share for 2 weeks after we decided to split and that was awful. When he left it was like a huge weight was lifted. Try and hang on in there as I promise you your life will be soooo much better when this limbo is over. There are some financial implications to him moving out, but its worth it not to have to look at his stupid smug face every day!

Cog I don't have much money (have been a SAHM for almost 7 years) so a full-on several thousand pounds solicitor managed divorced isn't an option. I will just have to muddle through with the cheapo version. If I got legal aid, I'd just have to pay the fees back out of my settlement, which wouldn't really leave me with enough to get set up properly on my own.

He's just this minute heard back from the estate agent and his vendor has accepted the new offer, but they have tenants in the property at the moment and want to complete ASAP, i.e. before tenants move out. He's calling his (conveyancing) solicitor to see what that means for him - he doesn't want bloody tenants, he wants to live there!

AndLibby I really don't know how you've lasted 2 years in the same house, 4 months of doing it has almost killed me. I really hope everything works out for you with your move.