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Original poster

what percentage of men come back?

53 replies

loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 12:04

Do men who leave their wife and kids usually want to come back k in time or after 5 months is it over?

OP posts:
lifeshocker · 19/07/2012 14:41

after two months he wanted to come back I practically begged him to come back and lost all my self respect in the process. He came back very much on his terms still having an ea still not really trying. After 2 months of this I told him to sort himself out. We split again briefly until we both went to counselling and he proved his worth. It took a long time for him to see what he had done to his famly but now he gets it completly. That was 16 months ago and after a long struggle we are happy

Original poster
loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 14:41

Im doing it for my daughter if i had a choice id completely cut contact but as she's only two i have to take her to the door grin and bare it. hopefully as everyone tells me it will get easier with time.

OP posts:
Lueji · 19/07/2012 16:03

That is no excuse not to have her.

I lived in a small flat until DS was 3. It had enough space for him and we went out to the park for him to run, etc.

The problem is that we can't force the non-living parent to have the children more often than they want.
Does he contribute?
Have you checked your entitlement with the CSA?

Original poster
loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 16:10

Yes i have contacted csa they are going to take it straight from his wages as he hasn't responded to them but i won't get anything until August or September .

OP posts:
Kaluki · 19/07/2012 16:14

When he picks her up act like you are about to go out. Look fabulous and be distracted as if he is the last thing on your mind!
Make him wonder what YOU are thinking/doing.
Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you will be there on the back burner for him.
If nothing else it will make you Smile

Lueji · 19/07/2012 16:15

My point is that the less he has her, the more he has to pay.

You may find out that he becomes more willing to have her at his home when the CSA starts doing its damage.

But only let him see her away from your home.
You don't have to put up with him!
Let him take her to the park, his flat, his parents even.

Lueji · 19/07/2012 16:17

Also what kaluki said. :)

And if you can be on the phone arranging something with someone else, then it's a bonus. Grin

izzyizin · 19/07/2012 16:53

Is this the thread you're looking for?

izzyizin · 19/07/2012 17:23

If it disappears again, go to Advanced Search and enter your user name and date(s) to find it.

Original poster
loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 17:25

Thanks izzy

OP posts:
Original poster
loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 17:27

Kaluki , since he left i have lost a stone always have my hair and nails done brought a load of new clothes and if i do say so myself always look fable these day lol

OP posts:
BigBandwitch · 19/07/2012 17:32

Never mind about looking fabulous for him though. Your daughter will be FINE whether she sees him twice a week or three times a week. If you were my friend I'd be worried about you now, that you are taking his schedule on board, what works for him etc... from now on visualise the future where you don't concern yourselves with each others' business. It might feel like you're playing a role, to begin with, but like a pp says, you will regret setting a precedent where he can't do x,y or z because of his work. Or, setting a precedent where by you justify to each other why you can or can't your child. Please do not make your decisions based on a hope that he will come back!

MrsJREwing · 19/07/2012 17:33

You don't really want him back, he left you and damaged your family, your better off being alone or finding someone else, who will not treat you badly. I don't care if my ex is sorry now, his thoughts don't interest me. I am too good for him, I always was, I just didn't know that back then. I found being alone was good for me, soon I will give someone else a chance.

Kaluki · 19/07/2012 17:44

It's not looking good for HIM but for your own self esteem and to show him that life goes on and he isn't going to grind you down.
You might not want him back but it won't hurt to let him see what he is missing!!

Original poster
loganberry12 · 19/07/2012 18:49

found it again weird how it keeps disappearing

OP posts:
hidingbeneathanamechange · 19/07/2012 19:31

Put yourself first, be unavailable and start having fun. Get dressed up, go out with friends, and make him fit his time with your children round your life. He'll hate that your are not missing him.

My DH came back once I gave up on him and started doing my own thing. The divorce papers landing on his mat helped. We are working on things, on my terms. Clingy desperation is never going to match up well against an exciting new woman in his life.

izzyizin · 19/07/2012 23:10

Bump due to disappearance

KirstyWirsty · 20/07/2012 08:26

Mine came back almost 6 months to the day after the discovery of the proof of the affair

The OW is no more and he is feeling very sorry for himself but I am not in the slightest bit interested in having him back - he's a liar and a cheat! I deserve a whole lot better - I am with MrsJREwing

Sounds like you are looking great and feeling good about yourself OP .. do you really want to put 15stone of dead weight back on??

MrsJREwing · 20/07/2012 09:06

Op if it helps you. About 8 months after leaving, I got a drunk 2am call from ex, it was a one time only offer apparently, I was half asleep and drunk myself. It was after he knew there was someone in my life, it was brief and he knew the guy. We never got back together, soon after he threatened my life and got engaged on our wedding anniversary, he married former ow. He probably cheated on her, he was chasing women when with her, during contact with kids, not seeing kids, telling her lies that it was due to me, I later saw in his bank statements he was booked in hotels those times local to us, so he was probably cheating on her. She looks depressed, haggered and rough now in her fb profile, its different to the happy party girl she once was, she wanted my life her karma was to get it, difference was I was young, no cheat and had no clue what he was really like. We looked on fbas csa told us kids have a half sibling, to find out if its a boy or girl, he is no longer in contact, they both went out of their way to harm my dc emotionally and financially, they are the two people to whom I would walk past if they were in fire. I pity their child.

izzyizin · 21/07/2012 19:20

If you'd looked you would have found this thread halfway down page 2 of this board.

Threads don't stay on the first page unless they're continually being updated with further responses.

To avoid constantly using your other thread to ask where this one is, either keep it as a thread you're on/watching or go in search of it by using active search or looking at earlier pages.

Original poster
loganberry12 · 21/07/2012 21:17

Thankyou izzy and sorry for being an inconvenience

OP posts:
messedupmummy · 21/08/2017 14:30

my partner of four years just left we have always had rows but it got to a point where we just wernt clearing the air anymore and in limbo i didnt know how to reach him he says he tried to reach out to me but all i saw was him drunk and being home less and less then he asked me to move to somerset and i said yes but this time could we take it slow (we always moved in a hurry no jobs or homes) and we have a baby now he flipped out and i said just cos you dont get ur own way dont lash out 2 weeks later he left on his own and told me it was over and he didnt love me - now he wants to meet for lunch and messages me all the time and wants to have chats on the phone even though he says hes never getting back with me...he said he cant talk face to face about the split cos he cant stay stubborn when he sees me upset and only reason he wants lunch is to keep things normal for our son. hes told me i have to get used to him moving on and seeing him with someone else - but when im being nice and not angry i almost get him and break him...so confused...wondering if i play it cool and act like i dont care and then do these "lunches" etc he might see he misses us and want to come home that maybe the rows got too much and he couldnt see a way out so hes done what he always does and runs buries his head in the sand. maybe an early midlife crisis????? he always tells girls if he makes it to 5 yrs with them hell pop the question then leaves just before the 5 yrs. recently found out that the hopes and dreams we talked about (moving to middle east) he also told his ex and that when we had rowed he used to message her to get his ego stroked...shes told me they have had sex but the times shes telling me i know he was at home with me so i dont believe that for a second. hurts that he would talk to her tho :( she also told me he told her he wanted DNA on the baby we have due in november cos he thought every time i went to my mums i was seeing someone else and sex between us was barley there - i asked him and he said yes cos i was lieing about how i felt for him i said ive never lied i thought i was going to spend my life with you and i can still see us sorting through this - he just needs to accept he is to blame for some of the rows and the anger and that he is at fault this time - id take him back in a heartbeat despite it all - just wanna know if any other ladies have had a similar situation where they come running back - its only been about 5 weeks :(
hes told me i need some independence and to stand on my own two feet instead of relying on him (he gave me no choice and always ruined my chances at work and moved me away from friends) so now i got mates and am trying to get housed for me and my kids ive also sought counselling to deal with this all as well and my first meeting is on 13th sept.
if show him that i am no longer angry and have let go of the past and im the woman he fell in love with would he change his mind? i know he misses our son....ive only had 2 days where we havent spoken since the split - hes always asking if he can call to talk...
trust will be hard to come back i know and ill always be worried but if he moves into MY house this time then he leaves im not in such a mess - he wants a single life and freedom shall i let him have his "Hall pass" get it out of his system and then realise whats gone????????

magoria · 21/08/2017 17:59

This is a very old thread messedupmummy. You would be better starting a new one of your own.

I hope your counselling helps you become a stronger person and to see what a shit this man is and that your life is far better without him in it rather than hoping he comes back if you bend over and kiss your arse to be what you think he wants.

Tatiana545 · 02/11/2018 15:06

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hellsbellsmelons · 02/11/2018 15:57

ZOMBIE THREAD
Tatiana545 reported