I know that maybe here is not the right place to post but it is the most gentle and safest which I think I need.
This year has been crap and now I have had enough and just want to curl up in the corner and forget the world exists. It's not that the problems are big in themselves but it feels as though there are too many and I am struggling.
In January my DH was assaulted, his physical injuries have all healed, the psychological ones though haven't, he falls asleep at night but he is jumpy and on edge, if I mOve at the wrong time he reacts by thrashing etc, never injuring me but it can be frightening. So I tend to spend my time falling asleep keeping myself to myself or if he has reacted soothing him.
This year any celebration , wedding anniversary, my 40th birthday has been a disaster, he has unconsciously sabotaged it, I understand and accept that this is the result of what happened to him but it doesn't stop me from feeling hurt. We gave spoken about it and he has apologised, he has spoken about his feelings or lack of, he says ge feels flat and the only real emotion is anger about what was done to him, he is working on it as he doesn't want to feel like this anymore.
Also (this is getting long, sorry) after waiting over 3 years we have finally got the go ahead for a disabled access extension to be built, sadly there are not enough funds so it is on hold ATM, we have said we will attempt to extend our mortgage, but we need the figures so we can ask for the right amount of money, it could be anywhere between 10,000 and 20,000. However the person who should know has been hard to get hold of and the 1 time in 3 weeks she has answered her phone she hasn't got the rught figure. I am getting to the point of telling them to stick it where the sun don't shine.
There gave been other things over the past few months, minor irritations but enough for me to ask why me, today though I have reached the end.
A much loved family pet, ( a present for my 40th)died in the early hours, I stupidly didn't tell the DCs, I stupidly thought I could wait till they where home from school, I stupidly didn't move his body out of the living room ( he was in a box) I guess I was avoiding dealing with it. My children looked in the box and they have now gone to school heartbroken.
I want there to be an end to the crap, I want our family to be happy again, we have gone through so much hurt and upset this year we need some happiness.
I need to stop it with the self pity don't I?