What to do next?

[Polywhirl]

Hello I need some advice, my partner of 14 years has just out of the blue decided we have no future together. We have a 22month old daughter and he has chosen to walk away without any kind of a fight to save our relationship.
He has become infatuated (his words) with a woman at work and apparently this has made him realise we have no future
Things are not brilliant ie not alot of sleep/sex/adult time but we don't argue or have never raised this issue before. I am just so shocked.
What do I do next? Half of me wants to think he is having a mid life crisis or some kind of breakdown, (his mum is seriously ill as well) the other half wants to pull myself together and accept he is gone and do practical stuff.
He is unwilling to see a counsellor and communication via txt is very clinical.

I think you might be helped by accepting that he was already having an affair before he left your relationship, because I've never heard of a man walking out before a physical relationship has already started.

It's not that the new relationship has made him realise yours had no future, it's that the new feelings he's got for this woman feel more all-consuming right now than his feelings for you. Most adults realise that this is just a mirage and that all new relationships start that way, but people who are irrational and obsessed with romance tend not to think that clearly.

The only thing that works in this situation is to tell him that you now consider the relationship is over, there will be no going back and that you will now get legal advice to formalise things.

What never works is to plead, beg or sit it out. The only thing that motivates people in your partner's situation is loss.

Also, there wasn't a single thing you could have done to prevent this. Only he could have done that, so please don't waste any time reviewing what went wrong and what you could have done differently, because this isn't about you it's about him.

Charbon is spot on.

Please don't torture yourself with what ifs - he checked out of the marriage ages ago and is having a full blown affair with this woman.

All you can do is to rebuild your life.

Thank you for your replies - good advice I thinkl not exactly what I wanted to hear but I know you are probably right.
Being really practical then - where is the best place to find advice on how to proceed with the breakup, finances, child access etc.

It's amazing how the practicalities will take the wind out of his sails.

Do you have a mortgage together? Do you work? Do you have childcare? You need to get all of this sorted out.

It's a horrible time but if you focus on the practical side rather than the emotional it will help you get through this.

I'd leave him to it, he's probably made his mind up. I'm sorry but probably best to get on with the practicalities.

Yes I really need to keep myself busy.
We have a joint mortgage - not married, I work part time (don't earn enough to cover bills) and DD goes to nursery 3 days. I don't have any family close by so I am going to struggle with getting her to nursery and getting to work on time. (I am a teacher so have hols to get sorted)

Poly so sorry to hear this. I would suggest you get in touch with a Solicitor. This doesn't mean you have to go through the courts for child access etc. but you can at least get some advice on where you stand and what you can expect. They should be able to at least give you a free half hour consultation or similar.