Another failed relationship...

[cantlivewithhim]

Basically, three years ago I split up with my husband. A year after that I met a new partner who moved in a year later and so we have been living together for nearly a year.

I am at the end of my tether and have come to the conclusion that I just can't live with a man. I was brought up by my mother who was a strong single parent, I then married a man who turned out to be an alcoholic and I have chosen another sub-standard specimen of the male race to live with. I do not think all men are as useless as the two men I have picked, I am obviously just bloody useless as picking 'keepers'.

When I was married, I did everything for the kids and the home whilst my STBXH ran his business and drank himself into oblivion. I am now living with a man who does not help me in any practical sense and leaves a trail of destruction that inevitably I end up clearing up. He has not had children and, basically, he is a man-child and having three children of my own I have no time to treat him like a little prince. I know I sound like a right cow, and perhaps I am intolerant, but he does not cook, clean or help. He tries his best with the kids but we are not on the same page with regards to parenting at all.

Suffice to say, I have decided to end our relationship and have come to the conclusion that for whatever reason I just can't live with men (not least becuse I don't want another men to move in and disrupt my childrens life as I have BTDT).

I don't know what the point to this thread is, just sounding off I suppose.

Thanks for listening :-)

and sympathy from me.

I am still living with a sub-standard specimen. But looking back at my and my sister lives, I have had 4 serious relationships - all with twats. DSis1 has had 2 serious relationships - both twats, and DSis2 has had 2 relationships - 1 twat, 1 keeper.

Those are crap averages, and if I ever do finish wih H, the whole species can take a running jump, and I shall be a mad, happy cat lady.

You're not alone OP, I can't be living with a man again either. Most of them from my generation are self entitled arses who think women were born next to the white goods in the kitchen

LOL OHF!

That's the thing, I have a houseful of children and pets and when he's not here I prefer it that way

More ranting...Last year I went to college and everytime my work hotted up and I had assignments to submit, he threw his toys out the pram and, rather than be supportive, his actions could have made me take my eye off the ball. As it was, I didn't stand for his nonsense and did very well, thank you very much, but having a live in life partner should enhance your life, not make you want to commit 1st degree murder.

The unfortunate thing is that I really do care about him and I can see that it is difficult for him too (moving in with a ready made family etc) but him saying "I took you and the kids on" like we are some sort of charitable burden and his general lazy arsed ways make me want to scream.

I am going to go to hell for being such a hard nosed bitch, aren't I?

Bwahahaha, MF, what generation are you from? I was a 1970s child and that theory rings true for me too

I was a born in 1962.

I've just kicked one out to go live back with his father an all

Told him to stick his washing where the sun don't shine and get a microwave.

No, you're bloody not, OP! You've just opened your eyes and seen for yourself that your DP is not contributing in many positive ways to your life. He sounds like an extra child. Although you care for him, it might not be life partner type love that you have for him - you would have been better living separately and seeing each other as and when. I suggest you tell your DP gently that this relationship just isn't working for you, and that you want to split up.

It sounds like you would prefer to have your independence, and to be in charge of your own house, your own kids, and your own life. Go for it.

Yes, OP. I totally agree with MrsGypsy.

We've just woken up haven't we to the fact that women are not dometic slaves and we certainly don't have to "look after" a damn man ay.

Another 60s/70s kid here. I think the only 'problem' is that we're not silly girls any more, willing to put up with any old bozo for fear of that teenage definition of hell - not having a boyfriend - . We've been there, done that, got the bumper sticker, cashed the vouchers, the biological clock stopped ticking ages ago and we don't tolerate fools (never mind men) the way we might have done in the past. We're intelligent women of a certain age that enjoy our independence and are reluctant to give it up.

If we didn't have better things to do we'd take over the world :)

Miss Faversham, if a recent Womans Hour was enything to go by, most young men think women were born next to the white goods in the kitchen too .

My DSs will certainly get short shrift if I get wind of them treating their future partners like that.

I heard that Womans Hour with a sinking feeling..... Then again, I heard a programme not all that long ago where a recruitment consultant was expressing concern at how many parents were calling to apply for jobs on behalf of their teenagers. When she told one Mum that the interview would be at 10am the reply was 'but DS doesn't get up until 11'....

And it would be a better place for it wouldn't it Cogito.

I'm doing the same as you OneHand. I have a DS of 14 and he's now "In Training" regarding household chores. His ironing skills are coming on a treat

Not a hard nosed bitch at all. Sounds like you've put up with a lot already.

I must admit your post made me laugh but only because I recognise myself in there. And Onehandflapping - I am also planning how many cats I will be surrounding myself with in my old age!

I have lived on my own since I split with someone I was living with about 8 years ago. In that time, I've had other relationships (2 cokeheads and one mentalist - hey, my choices are good !). The latter lasted for 5 years but I wouldn't live with him. I felt I'd got my freedom and it was too important to me to give up for a twat someone who wasn't right for me.

You sound like his housekeeper/mother and who wants that?

X-post, two great minds ay Cogito.

DS has it drummed into him regularly that a relationship should be 50/50 and shame on him if he thinks otherwise.

When you get past your mid 20s you have to accept that the playing field is a lot smaller. Most of the decent men (the ones who have respect for women and believe in pulling their weight domestically) are already happily involved in relationships. The ones who are single are quite often single for a very good reason. . Obviously there are exceptions to this, but you have to look quite hard to find them, which is why I think anyone over 30 looking for a long-term relationship is probably going to have most success by going to a selective dating agency (one where you pay membership and the agency actually screens their members properly).

However, there is nothing wrong in being single. It doesn't make you odd, a hard-nosed bitch, too independent for your own good, inevitably lonely, or any of the other cliches spouted about single women - quite often by lazy men who have to convince women into picking up their dirty socks by attacking their personalities or other women in miserable relationships that feel everyone else should suffer the same way.

A good relationship is a wonderful thing, but better to walk alone than badly accompanied, and being single can actually be wonderful!

Well, if nothing else, I know that I am not alone! What is it with some men that they will come home from work, kick back and watch you run yourself ragged and then moan about the fact you are tired or have no time for them????

I have met such men.... I expect they are simply the product of a misogynistic culture with a hefty dose of 'why bark when you've got a dog' bone-idleness thrown in for good measure. Fortunately, I have now reached a point in life where adjectives like 'battleaxe' and 'formidable' seem to apply to me and moaning is met with withering scorn :) As a result, they no longer even bother trying to make it over the threshold.....

Yes Cogito I'm frequently called similar things, by women too, which is sad.

Went to a friends the other day and she was telling me that "she" was slowly but surely painting and decorating. Her DP was sitting on his arse intently watching the golf at the time.

I walked out of there thinking, phew thank god I don't put up with that shite anymore.

I love this thread! cantlive you are an inspiration!

I have a lovely mum from the doormat school of housewifery who programmed me to serve my H as a domestic slave for 27 years. Now I am free at last I am in no rush to find a new slavemaster!
I have a lovely clean tidy home and a Very Nice Man with the messiest house in the world. Why would I ever want to take that on? He can continue to be a gentleman caller. He is quite good at fixing things up too.

"Doing a Simone de Beauvoir" it should be called!

Other than the obvious I dont get why men and women bother living together at all. I read about these relationships where people keep their own houses and just date. Seems to work very well for all concerned. A couple of dates a week, nice and fresh, lots to talk about etc etc then back to your own palace (women) and Sty (Men) to watch your own Tv programmes, read books without being interuppted and generally have a nice time.

Being Single is never a crime yet so many women in particular seem to have it installed into them that to not have a man in your life means you have gone wrong somewhere.

I often read posts on here from women who are offering sympathy to someone who has split from their partner or is living with an abusive partner etc and almost always the advice has phrases like "Someone will come along who will treat you right" or "You deserve someone better"...

Embrace singledom if thats what you want. There are no rights and wrongs in the one life you get!

Where's Bibi Blocksberg when you need her? This is her area of speciality!!

Maleview I live on my own in the week and with my husband at weekends, lots of women and men do this, mainly for work reasons but it works fine (although if you read MN then apparently this is fertile ground for an affair for the away spouse and you should never do this as they will be out all the time with younger female colleagues).

They are called 'LATS' (Living apart together).