I'm not sure if I should really be posting this elsewhere like on the lone parents thread but am posting here anyway.....
DH has been having an affair for the past two months - I found out really early on I think when I saw a text message from OW - I had already been suspicious but shrugged off many pretty obvious signs. Confronted him, thought we could move on but it carried on anyway despite all the usual "I will do anything to make it right etc" rubbish.
Felt like I was going crazy as I am pretty astute about when he is lying (he has a huge problem with lying and always has) but he can also be quite convincing too and I couldn't believe that he would actually continue with it as he is the last person I would have imagined to have an affair. He's kind and thoughtful and an amazing dad. (I am now rethinking the first two adjectives) We have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant (with a really complicated pregnancy) which has made all this a lot more stressful and hard to deal with.
Anyway I found out about a huge lie last week (he went on a work trip and told me categorically that the OW was not there when in fact they had travelled ahead of everyone else for a romantic 24 hours alone together). But then I also found an email from another person on the trip telling him that he was behaving like an arse, what he was doing was wrong etc etc. That they had all been openly discussing the situation on the trip. Which all actually makes me feel physically sick as I know the people he works with and one of them is a friend of ours. So I asked him to leave which is has done. He is still madly lying about EVERYTHING. And I am not sure he will ever actually be able to tell the truth. Basically he is in total denial about everything.
Because he can't change I think we are doomed (there were already issues) but I don't want to close the door entirely in case he can actually get his shit together and sort his head out (a mountain to climb I know). BUT in the meantime what do I tell our 3 year old? I want to be very straight-forward with him. I don't really want to say one thing and then have to move the goalposts in a few months time. Or do I really have to make a concrete decision on the relationship now before I say anything to DS? I know DH will be really, really involved in his life whatever happens because they adore each other.