I have posted before although very vaguely. I was reading some other threads and realized how bad I am. I think I may qualify now as an abuser. 
I withhold affection, completely, and distance myself a lot from H. However, there is a lot of past. We have only been married a year but have been together nearly ten. 2 young DCs.
When we were younger, he talked to several girls about sex... I have no proof he ever met / did anything but have caught him several times in inappropriate conversations online/text. He swears he has stopped. I don't care enough to check anymore. Unfortunately, in my distancing I talked to an old friend of mine inappropriately (we were already having problems- serious ones), and he was hacking into my accounts and read everything (never done anything before this... nor since not that it matters - i am now just as bad).
I have said no sex, but he is still VERY touchy and if I do not respond back he, for lack of a better term, has a tantrum - stomps off to bed, etc. He says he isn't trying to have sex but what he was doing I don't see how it could be considered anything else. I do NOT feel attracted to him, at all. I had talked to him several times before saying no sex, lets focus on being friends, etc lets fix us, and never has he went more than 3 or so weeks without trying it - I am now at the point I can't see myself ever wanting to be intimate again with him.
We rarely talk anymore, I do not feel close to him and I am getting increasingly paranoid. He thinks this paranoia is because I am 'up to something' (and everyone here would agree - the way I act 'says' that, but I am not- well, I am, in the way that I said I deleted some accounts but still talk to close friends - I don't tell him because I am pretty sure he is 'watching' or checking up on me. I am doing nothing like cheating, though).
I feel so stupid because we just got married, and I should have realized there were BIG problems before; because we have two young DCs, I am in school and making almost no money (am across the pond) and want to do a further degree to make sure I am financially stable. People who are not close to us think we are perfect. I feel like I am living a lie but am ashamed to have just been married, etc.
Sorru this is so long. I do not know what i am asking, I just feel lost. I am fine when he is not around but it is tense, and will be especially since I 'refused to be close' to him again last night, and this will continue until he gets so worked up he 'talks' to me about it, at which point he will think we are perfect (?!?!) again - and back to the cycle. I am so worn out. In the middle of a lease and cannot go anywhere until Feb, and still just feel so stupid that I got married. I am starting to wonder if it is me. It probably is, but I don't know how to change, or if I can for this relationship or how to for the future.