Ageist friend - very annoying!

[mummatotwo]

I have a friend in our local group of mumsey friends. Im prob the oldest (early 40's) she is prob 5-6 years younger BUT she is always having a pop at my age, coming out with silly remarks like - "oh it must be your age", Oh your acient, youre getting on now, are you using more wrinkle cream etc... There are a couple of others 40ish but she never says anything to them.

It's really getting on my nerves as she says it in front of everyone who laugh and think she is shockingly cheeky.

She get the impression she is dreading her 40th and feels that youre over the hill once this set in - if she feels like this why make fun of me?

It's getting to the point that I want to say something back but dont want to get into a cat fight - she is a popular member of the group

"But where do you think she targets me?"

She probably targets you because you are not displaying the right amount of sycophancy. Hate these Queen Bee types. If you're not dancing attendance they go on the offensive...

Ooh she's jealous!! and her dp has probably said how nice you are or something like that.

Yep. Jealous. And after her man, ha!

Now you've given it some thought as to the root of her issue with you do you feel confident enough to deal with her bitchy comments?

Well I can go 2 ways shout her sown with a show stopping comment or confront her one to one - the latter however I feel she would discuss with others and make me out to be the baddy, just her style.

Have another get together planned in 3 weeks -so lets see what happens and how I react much wine Ive had :)

For your next meet up go extra glam and ooze confidence .

I think if you take her to one side for a chat, she'll know that she's getting to you, and be pleased about that.

If you humiliate her in front of the group, she has something to bitch about in future.

Next time she does it I'd put on a concerned face & say "you mention age a lot... Are you worried about hitting 40?" then regale her with tales about how great it is being 40 & how comfortable you are in your own skin, how you have no hang ups etc.

Totally agree with sugarice re her dp having said how nice you are. Otherwise, why ask you to go and look at his puppy - a classic chatup line if ever there was one . If so, I'd feel a bit sorry for her.

Ah, that'll be it.

Inspiration strikes...

Her: Old bat comment
You: Tell me, how is that gorgeous partner of yours?

Cogito yes

How mean-spirited of her. Say something like, 'Some people will never grow up. It must be awful to be a child in an adult's body.'

Anyway, you are a mere girl compared with some of us. I am old enough to be your mother, but DD 917) regards me as extremely silly!

But I dont want to be mean back as Im no better than her as I?

I think Im going to pretend I havent heard her and if others laugh I'll pretend I havent heard them either!

I had this a few years back, from a 23 year old (I was 33 at the time).
I was then, and am now, slim and wiry - gym, walking, healthy food etc etc etc, and she.....errrrrr......wasn't.

I put up with it for quite a while, and then one day she came out with:

".....but you were born in the distant past, though....." about something....can't even remember what.

My reply: "I know, and I'm still in better shape than you."

Fuck it - I just didn't care...... She was unpleasant in a number of other ways, too, so I just finally had enough and sawed her off at the knees.

I know we're all joking around with the withering put-downs but, in this situation, a put-down wouldn't be mean it would be assertive. "You're annoying me and I want you to stop" is a fully acceptable response to being picked on. Pretending you haven't heard her will not stop the behaviour ... you'll get wound up and she'll carry blithely on.

Would you like to come upstairs and see my puppies???

Hmmmm, that's a new one.

Perhaps you could ask after her OH's puppies just to wind her up.

Shag her husband. That'll learn 'er.

Joking obviously.

When she starts on about your age, wrinkles etc why not say well you should know what it's like you must be...and add a few years on to her age..remember to look astonished/shocked when she corrects you. If she jokes about your age again just bring the time you thought she was much older up and laugh about it in a very 'us oldies together' way or fake embarrassment about how you could have thought she was so old.

She might be lying about her age anyway and that's why she's got a thing about it. She's picking on you about it but it highlights her insecurities.

Alternatively, ignoring her is a good strategy I think. If you don't get annoyed it takes all the fun out of it for them. Try and let it bounce off you - easier said than done I know but very satisfying - nice to watch their little games fall flat. Keep in mind it's HER problem - what confident happy person would behave like that?

You are most likely a very pretty woman with a nice family and children and because she is a jealous wimp, she resorts to sniding about your age. I would pull her up on it, in front of people, to embarass her and say 'why do you always mention my age, out of interest?' and see what she says.

pay her no heed. 40yr old women are hot! Im 23 and not worrying too much about the so called 'big 4-0'! :D

Personally I think trying to think of clever put downs is a waste of time. It looks pre-planned and makes you look bitter and insecure. And you're not that, so don't give her the ammunition.

I'm liking 'did you mean that to sound so rude?'

I'm sure I'm going to use that line in the future, it's brilliant. If she carries on after that, she will show herself up. You will have made clear you don't like it without looking like a whiner or a bitter old hag. I feel your pain, btw, 41 myself. In good nick still, like you, but it's a fuck of a lot more work, isn't it? haha

'Darling,you just keep wishing'

'Did you use loads of cream when you were my age?'

With a sunny

5 or 6 years difference is nothing as you get older,i can't tell peoples ages reliably after about 15!

I'd say something along the lines of ' I'm sure you're not trying to be unkind when you go on about my age, but it's beginning to get on my nerves'.