My Mum called me today, she has obviously had things on her mind (probably more so then me, I have been very occupied with settling new pony, getting the other pony to the other yard and settled for his 'boot'camp, then today ds's last ever day of pre-school, also my last every day of pre-school with no other lo coming through and then dd finishing school tomorrow), primarily it seems she has been thinking about my uncle and if any kind of relationship can be salvaged with him.
She really wants me to try, she knows I love him, she knows I value his previous support and faith in me but she also knows how hard it is to get past all that has and is happening. It is not so much that my uncle supports 'Mike', I understand that, they are brothers and they have no other family, they shared a very tough childhood and I know I have supported and stood by my brother when he has done terrible things (obviously not on this level but when using he went to prison for burglary) but at the same time I have never excused his actions. What I am having the real trouble with is my uncle providing 'Mike' with the means to employ legal teams to get round the fact he is placed on the sex offenders register and to continue to hurt and control me with demanding access to personal records. I do wonder if my uncle has really thought it through, he takes 'Mikes' version of events as gospel and I doubt has thought about the fact that asking for copies of information help by ss he is asking for access to my personal information. I don't know if my uncle even knows the exact steps the legal team he is paying for are taking, my uncle is the type of pay for the services you need and then let you and the professionals do what needs doing, that's what he did when I needed medical help. That would also help him keep his head firmly in the sand, I don't think he wants to admit that his brother, his flesh and blood is capable of these things, especially given his own history of abuse at boarding school, he is like a child with their fingers in their ears shouting 'lalala I'm not listening'.
My Mum has suggested I email my uncle and to skirt around talking about the real reason I haven't written to him sooner ('Mike' sending him my personal email as a round robin and the fact he is paying for the legal team), I do want to do this but I am also frightened of what may happen, I do know, thanks to counselling that the reality will be okay and I will be able to deal with it, the fear is not about set things, just a general fear I can't put my finger on, it is not miles away from the fear I had before sending 'Mike' the email confronting him with his actions. I was bang on right about what he did with that and while it was horrible I got through it quite well I think(being so ill probably helped as things were put in perspective). So, if I could ask for help what again, what do you think about this as an email to my uncle, I am unsure as if I should go into as much detail or just keep it to the first paragraph and ditch the last, it's just I don't want him to think that I am just interested in what I can get from him given especially as the last time we spoke he helped me, allot, making me a substantial loan to help me out of a desperate situation and then 'gifting' me the amount of the loan as a Christmas gift (we don't do birthday and Christmas gifts normally) neutralising the loan. Anyway, opinions hugely valued:
Dear Uncle X, I am sorry I haven't contacted you sooner when we had agreed to try and meet talk after Christmas, I am under the impression that you are aware that I broke my leg badly in early January and I was very ill for a time afterwards with plenty of complications both with the leg and all the other pre existing problems. It has taken a great deal of time and work to get back from this but I am finally back on my feet and getting back to things although there are still issues that are causing problems with day to day life. I am now though able to look at things other then just getting day to day and would still like to talk to you properly, either by exchanging letters, on the phone or in person if you are still wanting to do this.
I appreciate all the help and support you have offered so generously in the past and would like you to know how much I appreciate that on a daily basis, it has never and never will be expected and it has always been appreciated on a level I can not express in words.
I really look forward to hearing from you, Love Roadkill x
(sorry for yet another marathon post 
)
P.S mummytime please don't guilty to bad about your distant relations job, it's not like it is something you have control of or can influence. Somebody has to do the job, and it'sd not you personally or even a member of you close family so please don't feel guilt, or anything else, if you see that person I think it could be interesting to ask about the details of what they do but only is appropriate.