Have you ever rebuffed a colleague's advance?

[Anxious90]

I am going on a work conference in a week, staying away together with a colleague who I know fancies me. I've given no encouragement sexually but we get on very well.

I'm terrified he will make a move at the hotel. And I'll have to rebuff, obviously I will avoid being alone etc.
But it got me thinking; I bet this happens a lot.
Grave you turned someone down ? Was it ok?

Have. Not grave!

just be nice!

Bring your partner with you!

No, but I wish my ex husband had.

Yes. I think body language and topics of conversation say a lot.
I worry that I've misread the signs and some poor colleague gets cold, snooty and snotty behaviour undeservedly

I just explained that I was in love with someone else. I wasn't but it seemed to work quite well, no hard feelings. Some men will be an arse about it but... Not much you can do about that.

By the way, if he's a general sleeze, you'll just have to be very direct... They don't always get subtlety and definitely don't be alone with him...

And don't tell him your hotel room number (if that is possible), failing which don't open your hotel room door to anyone.

Yes, if he calls your room phone or knocks on your door... Pretend you are asleep. I answered the phone and had to be quite blunt... Along the lines of, I'm in bed and I'm not coming down to meet you at the bar... It's late! :)

Yep. And I didn't realise it at the time, but another colleague who witnessed his attempts pointed out that I talked to him as if he were a three-year old, very firmly, no nonsense allowed (he was very senior and I was starting my career). I think that's a good mental image to keep i.e. you are a child, and need to understand when to behave and back off. He kept his distance but treated me with respect after.

I have - feigning ignorance of any implications in what they say, and avoiding eye contact works. So if they say "it's amazing how many people get together at work", you either say "hmm" doubtfully and change the subject to something dull, or say "really? I would never date someone from work, it's not my thing at all".

If he goes for direct declaration of feelings, just be honest. "Sorry I don't feel the same way" or "I'm seeing someone at the moment" (even if you aren't) ought to work.

Be very straight with the guy, always be in a place where there are other people and above all, 'don't get pissed'.... keep your wits about you. The only time I've ever had trouble with amorous colleagues has been when booze was involved.

Be very straight with him.

I had one bloke drooling over me saying how he'd always found me attractive yadda yadda

I just said 'for goodness sake shut up, we have to work together so stop making a fool of yourself'.

BTW... you get this week's '18th Century Romantic Novel Prize' for an opening title.

I had a nasty little man at work push me over a drawing board when I was just starting my career (that dates me - no CAD then!). I announced in my loudest voice 'Take your hands off me Mr. ' Cue everyone looking round and him shuffling away shame faced mumbling about it only being a joke. It was a joke he never played again.

Yes. I just looked him in the eye, said 'let's pretend THAT didn't happen ' and went to make the tea.

It was all fine. It was years ago and we work together often and get on well.

"I'm very flattered but I'm very much in love with and I'm not interested in anyone else."
99% of the time does the trick.

Yes, just say 'no'. I wouldn't act offended (unless it was really out of order sexual harassment, obviously) - it's quite flattering. But just make it clear that there is no chance of anything happening between you. Make a joke if you want, but be clear that you're not interested. Guys usually respect this unless they are dickheads.

Yes, and he put his arm around me when we were walking back to the office, I said, did you know I had started seeing x and he got very embarrassed. Things fine after.