Finally realised I need to leave him

[citiesofgold]

Hi, I have realised, after yet another argument with 'D'H calling me a stupid retard over something minor, that I need to end our marriage. He is verbally abusive towards me everyday. i can't do anything right. He moans about the state of the house - he is right, it is a mess, but he expects me to do all of it because I am a SAHM to our 2 year old. We have no family nearby, I don't have any outside support.

We went to see some friends yesterday, in another town. Neither of us had been before and we were following directions from the AA routeplanner. We ended up taking a wrong turn, and the abuse I got was unbelievable. All in front of our son. He kept blaming me. i am sick of this.

I'm worried though about money, firstly - i have no idea how I will afford to keep me and my son. Or where we will live. My other big concern is if I leave, then when he has contact with our son, I won't be there to defuse any stressful situations. He finds it very difficult to cope with our son when he is being 'challenging', (or being 2 years old!)

I want to be a relationship where I feel wanted and loved. Not this. How do I sort it all out?

If you call Child Maintainance Options, they will tell you how much maintainance your husband has to pay as a minimum for your son. As a aingle parent, you will entitled to Income Support until your son is 5 and at school. You will also be exempt from Community Charge and, depending on whether you can fund your mortgage on your maintainane and benefits, you will either get Housing Benefit or the Housing Benefit element a a payment towards the interest on your mortgage. You will also get Tax Credits, Child Benefit and possible some vouchers towards fruit and milk for your son. So if you call these agencies (CMO, Tax Credits etc) you can work out what assistance you can expect to get.

Also, if youwork between 16 and 30 hours a week you will probably get WFTC and can claim towards the child care costs you incur which is worth bearing in mind moving forwards.

If your husband does not agree to leave the family home then things are not so simple but are still doable. Call Rights of Women and they will tell you how to go about removing him from the family home. Basically, you will be entitled to stay in the family home but obviously you have to be able to sustain this. It is also worth having a free consultation with a Solicitor.

When i separated from my STBXH for similar reasons I gathered all the information and then told him what was happening, I basically 'did a Katie'! I think this is a good way to deal with it as they know you mean business if you've gone to the trouble or organising everything.

Good luck, and well done for taking action now. I waited until my eldest was 9 and I should have done it years ago

thanks - need to go jsut now but will reply properly tomorrow

Just wanted to say that you are doing the right thing - well done. You can be proud of yourself for doing what is best for your son, and for yourself.

Regarding your fears of not being there to defuse situations in the future when he is with your son after you have separated, you can arrange for contact to happen in a contact centre, or with a third party involved. This is something you can discuss with a solicitor as you are gathering information and setting in motion your plan to leave.

whoever thought Katie Holmes would become the byword for women leaving their mad controlling exes!