I want my mum

[cathkidstonbag]

Feeling very sad and pathetic right now. Have decided to stop contact with my toxic mother. I know it's for the best. It's been over a month now and my DCs haven't even noticed so it's not as if she was a huge part of our lives. It's not her I want and miss its a proper mum. One who phones me and wants to see me and my DC. One who has an interest in what I do.

I've had counselling in the past but there are just so many issues with her I will never get past. Has anybody else gone through this?

Catsmother I can identify with everything you said there, its horrible isn't it? My mother is really popular with her friends and extended family but none of it seems to come my way. I spoke to her yesterday and she kept on about my stepsister's new baby and how she's been helping her with housework and looking after her ds1 and I just wanted to scream at her, she's got her mum! (I also have a new baby btw)

I just don't get it at all and its so painful speaking to her and realising that she just doesn't give a shit. Theres nothing my children could do to make me not care about them but for whatever reason my mum doesn't care about me. Everyone thinks shes wonderful so it must be me right?!

If contact is painful it's probably best to try and disengage?

I do realise it's not quite than simple, but if she's not going to be any kind of a positive influence in your life it'd be as well to try and limit the extent of her negative influence?

Of course we all deserve good parents, but lots of folk just arent cut out for the job.
I dont really blame my mum, it's just the way she is, square peg, round hole.

No one knows how difficult being a parent can be until it's too late, some people just find children to be a huge overwhelming burden!

Mercury, sadly I think you're right. We hardly ever speak for that exact reason and atm I only contact her because I want my dcs to know their grandma. It's on my mind a lot these days because I know so many women with young children and really doting involved mothers who babysit and take the children to the park for them etc and I get really upset and a bit jealous too! I'm really struggling atm, recovery from the birth of dc2 has been slow and I'm exhausted with the two of them and a messy house, I would so love to have some help even for one afternoon just so I can catch my breath but its not going to happen

I'm slowly working up to going totally no contact