I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Hello JandJ and lovely ladies on this thread. It was a very misty morning here in the NW so a walk by the canal was off limits I am afraid. I took my canine friend to a local park instead so that he could chase his tennis balls and act like a puppy (not a 13 year old).

Hoping that all is well with you and your DH JandJ. We are still hee for you when you need us.

Hello everyone. I'm not going to around for a few days as my laptop hinge is giving up the ghost and a nice man called Graham is going to fix it for me (i hope!). I will be back as soon as I can though.

Homebird I am going to indulge in a few vodka soaked cherries & a hot bath tonight Just need a little something at the moment (ideologies of contract law are now frazzling my brain...).

J and J Hope all is quiet and improving with you. Hopefully you have made contact with someone useful who can help you all a bit. Take care.

Here's hoping for a better week for you, and DH, JandJ.

lady I know- all summer it's had! One of our radiators has given up the ghost as well this weekend and needs replacing! Grrr!

I hope you have all had a better week JandJ and DH has made progress and is feeling much more comfortable now.

Continuing to send light, love and positive thoughts to you and your family JandJ as well as any others on the thread who need it.

I told you I wasn't gifted. Made the mistake of pulling a needle with my teeth last night and chipped one. Oops! It'll be worth it though. My square is coming along quite nicely! Hope you like it J&J

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Something pretty to go with the sunshine here.

Hope you are all ok and especially jandJ and DH

Hello lovely people, we're still on page one! I'm amazed, but shouldn't be really, you are all so fab. Glad everyone is keeping busy, and hope everyone is keeping healthy. Hope Graham has worked his magic on Lazarus's laptop, I have Alan and Marc coming to check our boiler tomorrow!

Not much to report I'm afraid, certainly not in the way of improvement . Dh very much the same, ie, still in constant pain. We have been in touch with Dr Hero (although not seen him yet, just one of the other docs), and seen renal consult two or three times. Everyone very sympathetic, but all keep saying the level of pain is to be expected after such a major op, plus its the second time his ribcage has been broken to get at the heart, plus he's older this time around, plus it's just a matter of time etc etc etc. I totally understand, I really really do, but shouldn't there at least be some small measures of improvement, even teeny tiny ones? I'm fed up of asking the same questions and hearing the same answers. My main hope at the moment is seeing Dr Hero on 19th Oct, when I hope he will investigate more fully and provide answers - when I've spoken to him, he has been very reassuring and has said they will take proper care and do all necessary tests etc.

I spoke to Dh about seeing the counsellor but he wasn't interested, more from lack of energy than anything else I think, as generally he does love to get involved in a good discussion (have found Jehovah's Witnesses at the kitchen table more than once in the past - invariably kindly elderly women desparate to get away from garrulous Dh!). He was also not averse to some sort of alternative therapy but I get the feeling he was agreeing more to appease me than anything. Still, when I get a chance I will sort something. I was talking to some friends today about what I could do to raise his spirits, and she suggested something crafty - I had forgotten that he is actually very handy with a needle (no chipped teeth yet either!). Perhaps he could work on the quilt! And Lazarus, if you have any legal issues you'd like to mull over, send them on over - when we saw renal doc yest dh was telling him how much he misses his course (can't believe he was including land law in that though!)

Have spent much imaginary time on the ebarge, very relaxing it has been too. Perhaps a bit too much time judging by the state of the house ....

JandJ, thanks for the update. Sorry that your DH is still in pain :(. I really hope that Doctor Hero can sort him out a bit.

It always annoys me when doctors say that there is nothing they can do about something ....

Take care of yourself and of DH

On a practical note acupuncture is a scientifically validated form of alternative medicine that can be used as an adjunct to pain relief. If he doesn't fancy the needles (and who could blame him?) then therapeutic massage is the way to go.

The hospital has a fully functioning pain relief team and you could give them a call (try the specialist nurse as first point of call and they will drag in the consultant asap due to renal issues).

we are always thinking of you jandJ and sending thoughts and prayers.

Thinking of you JandJ. It's a long road to recovery, and it seems to have become somewhat longer for you both :( ...but, you are still on it.

Skye, I feel the same about 'nothing we can do'. And can very much sympathise with 'asking the same questions and hearing the same answers' JandJ.

Let's hope some more constructive help comes your way soon.

Oh, so sorry to hear that DH is still experiencing a great deal of pain. It feels a long time to you seeing Dr Hero but let's hope he can sort something out. Poor DH.

We might set him the challenge of making a square for the quilt if it will keep him occupied and less focussed on his level of pain!

We'd better have some more glittery sparkles for our circle of love.

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And where's Izzy??????

Izzy is well occupied saving the world women from themselves on the relationships board. Knowing her she is keeping a weather eye on here and will turn up in person when time allows/she observes that a swift bump is needed/somebody needs to get busy kicking something into action.

you're awesome but we miss you on this thread Izzy.

Love to everyone, and I hope you are all well. Just back from a lovely holiday with my two sons, and their families, so feeling a little bit lost now without them. One lives 200 miles away from me, and the other 160 miles, so I don`t see them as often as I would like.

I have thought about you whilst I was away J, and DH of course. What a courageous pair you are. I was hoping there may have been just a little sign of improvement by now. However, given the magnitude of the surgery, the stress both physical and mental is enormous, and obviously healing will be a long job. Still, from what you have said, no one seems to be doing anything to help things along at present, apart from throwing out a few platitudes. I hope Dr Hero will suggest something when you see him. I do think it would be helpful to see a Psychologist, but only if that is what DH wants.

Whilst you are running around looking after everyone, please don`t forget to be kind to yourself J. You must be completely drained. I think another trip on the Canal would do us all the world of good.

You're right about izzy, foolonthehill? a tough assignment indeed.

Glad to join friends here with a few thoughts of love, and hope, for JandJ and all who need it through the night.

Welcome back ForeverAutumnNow .... Hope you will be kind to yourself too

Hi Forever Autumn - nice to have you back. You will feel a bit lost at first having been surrounded by chatter and laughter with your family, but you'll adjust to living on your own again because you are strong and resilient. To be honest, I sometimes crave my alone-time with just me and the dog. I have adapted to it over the years and it is my 'new normal'. All the socialising, visits, dinner parties etc belong to my old life that is no longer mine. And I am contented enough.

I see Izzy dishing out her words of wisdom on the other threads so knew she was around, but I do miss her stories about Pa and the cocktails. I know she is back in the UK now but she could sure light up our day when she posted in here.

JandJ we are still here for you and holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and give DH a gentle hug from his fan club!

Hi everyone - sneaking in on dd's computer. According to Graham, it has been working perfectly since he's had my laptop Grr....technology!

I'm sorry to hear things haven't improved J and J. One day at a time is great when the days aren't so long and hard. Land Law is driving me mad - I'm really struggling with it and don't feel I'm getting far! Perhaps I should post the question I've got and let your dh answer it for me! (I know that isn't the way to learn). It would be SO much easier if I was even vaguely interested in it....

Anyway, back to the textbook...take care all & I'll sneak back in soon (flattered that I was mentioned while away!)

Hi all - more than one post a week - haven't managed that since way back in the beginning! Am I becoming prolific?!

Glad you had a lovely holiday Forever, and thank you for taking the time, even then, to think about us. Sad, you sound so sorted and at one with yourself, I really admire you. Actually, i admire all of you. Laz, do post your question and I'll put it to Dh, although he hated land law too. Worth a try though.

Have no news, just had a bit of time to spare whilst tea is cooking and wanted to see you all. Dd is off to the theatre on a school trip at 6 so she's been haranguing me for an early tea, I'm not normally this sorted this early in the evening. Dh given up coming upstairs now, too much pain. We have small downstairs cloakroom so he's been managing in there.

I have a very small business that I run from home - over the summer I cancelled everything, but tomorrow I have a meeting with a potential customer for the first time in months. I think I need to try and ease myself back into some sort of normality (not to mention the money!) but I'm a bit nervous.

Have good weekend everyone.

Sorry to hear that DH still in pain xx

Good luck with your new customer. I've had to force myself to meet new clients which hasn't been easy, but you get by and the nerves soon vanish once you get chatting. Good luck and I hope you get them

Thank you skye, will report back!

Transpires dd is going to watch a physical play (I think that's what she called it, certainly sounds an apt name) which involves naked men. Hmm, she was moaning and complaining all the way to school so in the name of maternal selflessness I volunteered to take her place. She said no.

Good luck with the client tomorrow, I'm sure you'll be fine. Hope your dd enjoys the play...but I bet they won't be the kind of men you drool over! Very noble of you to offer though

Good news - my laptop is back - nothing wrong with it allegedly. Maybe the god of computers has been up to no good or trying to test my patience! Also, had a breakthrough with Land Law - the joy of estoppel! I will pass the exam and look forward to next year when I'll be doing subjects I want to do!

JandJ, a taste of normality is always so welcome. And it's great to feel in demand. I hope the meeting goes well!

And I agree with lazarusb, if it's who/what I think it is, the theatre trip would be a very non-drool worthy event... But very high art of course...

Yay, I did it. I finished my square. Off to the other place in a minute to find out where to send it. For 'not gifted' I'm actually quite pleased

J&J, things sound busy, and with DH still suffering so badly you seem to be keeping all the balls in the air somewhat miraculously and still have the energy to imagine naked men on stage . I am in total awe!

It seems a good job you have a downstairs cloakroom but as an indicator of DH's state of mind, as well as the obvious pain, it's not great that he has had to decide to stay downstairs. Make sure in the general chaos of family life you make time for cuddles, however gentle they need to be. You'll both be in need.

Good luck with your new customer. I hope meeting someone new and thinking a bit about the future will give you a boost. Thinking of you, as always.

to cheer you and hopes for the future

Hoping today gave you a bit of a boost J and J.

Homebird I am in awe...my square is not going well and might have to have a rethink very soon indeed! My imagination permits me more skill than I actually possess