I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Oh JandJ, this is a set-back, but we can't give up now. I do understand why DH just wanted to bolt for the safety of his home and family.

Certainly ring Dr Hero for advice, but my advice would be to get hold of the Clinical Director and the CEO and threaten them with the newspapers by the end of the day if they do not have your DH re-admitted on a suitable care plan, with appropriate staff to ensure that his condition improves and certainly doesn't worsen.

I think you also need to involve PALS who will know the departments and telephone numbers and can assist as advocates on your behalf. Alternatively, contact the Independent Complaints Advocacy Service (ICAS). However, I still say that it is time for YOU to do the jumping up and down rather than leaving it entirely to others.

We'll keep the sparkly circle of love strong for you whilst you work through these additional challenges today.

Just had time to read back through the thread after J&J's post earlier (Tue 11-Sep-12 14:13:20).

Ladies, you are all truly amazing and I know exactly what Mumat means when she says how inspiring this thread is. Sadwidow, you are a one woman shining light. Thank you so much for sharing your DH with us, I can almost see that smirk! Izzy, that list of topics for the quilt is quite something. I'm not good with creative stuff but I'm just setting off to make camp blankets for the DSs for Christmas with their names appliquéd on and some of the things that fill their dreams. Wish me luck ladies and any hints and tips would be welcome. The blankets are that furry fleece stuff.

Actually, that's just got me thinking. Could we make a real quilt between us? Probably impractical but a nice thought.

J&J, you do what you've got to do today and tell that DH of yours that I'm with him all the way. He's got some hard decisions to make and rebuilding trust is the hardest thing any of us choose to do. His way is the right way. He's not alone, we're all here and so are his lovely family and even the medics want the best for him even if they can't organise a sick bowl in A&E. Together you can make it happen. Hold tight, you're off again.

This is a worrying turn of events for you J, but I can so understand why DH has felt the need to do this. The poor, poor man has been pushed from pillar to post, and been through hell. He has bolted, like a wounded animal, to the only place he feels totally safe, and cared for.....his home.

This, however, is not the place for him to be, and Im afraid that I would be quite angry at the "friend" who went against your wishes. Self discharge puts you in an unenviable position, if things go wrong. Thats for another time though, and I feel you must use all your powers of persuasion to calm him, and get him to accept that he needs to be back in hospital. Follow all the advice already given, with a view to achieving this. Start with Dr Hero, and work your way through. I too have been in the situation where I had to "jump up and down", and it is absolutely necessary, Im afraid, otherwise you are just overlooked. I would also advocate, with certain people - youll soon realise who - that you let them see your own feelings of fear, and desperation. Truly, there are still some people working in the NHS who have great empathy. Find them, and pour out your heart to them.

In the meantime, be assured that you are being held as tightly as ever, in our circle of love.

J&J - so sorry you and your H are going through this. I agree with sadwidow - you need to jump up and down and make as much noise as possible, with the CEO, the CD and anybody else who will listen.

Thinking of you as always

J and J - your last post has brought a tear or two to my eye. I can believe that your dh was just so upset and frustrated that he just wanted to be home with you. I also understand how frightening that must be for you. Use Dr Hero's mobile number and get him on board to fight your corner. Are you able to take care of your dh in the meantime or do you need some practical help? If so, contact your GP and see what they can do for you. I wish I could add more but I don't know a huge amount about renal problems and my last foray with the NHS was nearly four years ago. Hoping against hope someone can give you some proper support today.

Homebird - a real quilt is a great idea. I am useless at that sort of thing but I'm sure dd and my Mum, who share a natural aptitude for all things skilful, would help me! Maybe my quilt patch could represent the legal studies of J and J's dh? Seeing as I know how consuming they are! I am happy to provide edible, glittery cakes too.

Rushing in to thank you all for concern and to say that Dr Hero has come up trumps. Dh being readmitted (not sure which ward though) and has just been picked up by hospital transport (usually we drive in). Dr Hero will see him asap at other end, and "you are not too worry, I am aware of the situation".

Oh Jackie that's good news. I'm so relieved for you. More positive vibes winging their way down from the wintry North East xxx

wow, excellent news. Dr Hero is well and truly a hero and he loves you and your DH and I am sure that you love him too. How amazing considering your first impression of him.

Fingers crossed that all goes well from now on xx

Just checking in JandJ, I've been thinking abou you and your DH all morning and I hope that you have had a good response from Dr Hero and/or your GP an the renal team.

I can see why SW would suggest speaking to the Chief Exec, but the problem with threatening press involvement at the moment is that the Trust could just turn around and say 'we were doing our best to sort out this difficult situation, but then Mr JandJ discharged himself against medical advice....'. The self-discharge is a game changer, as currently they have no clinical responsibility to your DH (although they have a mighty ethical responsibility, sadly this doesn't seem to count for much in the world of NHS management!).

He needs to get back into the hospital so that he is their patient once more, so if there's no readmission in sight by now, it's time to go to A&E. Once he is their patient again, then jump up and down to get him on dialysis ASAP.

I realise I'm being very bossy, but it's done out of love and concern. I really don't blame your DH for bolting for home, I think any and all of us would do the same, but I've spent the past 10 years manipulating hospital admissions policies advocating for my patients, so I do have some idea of how these things go!

Cross-posted with you JandJ, that's fantastic news and a huge relief! (I might actually be able to concentrate on work this afternoon). Here, join me in a

What a relief, hope your DH feels reassured, you must have felt like you're in a washing machine on a fast spin cycle, take it easy this afternoon.

Oh, JandJ, I've been holding my breath all morning, and willing things to get better very soon.

This step is most definitely in the right direction. Dr H really is a hero - he'll be surgically inserting some rockets up backsides today, no doubt.

Phew.

Oh just read the latest update
Dr Hero should be nominated for a Knighthood.. He is obviously a very dedictaed and caring man.
Can you give us a clue J&J to his name and we could start a campaign for some sort o recognition from the powers that be?

Keep your chin up J&J we are all behind you and your DH

Thank heavens, now sort out the clotting then he can have a suitable iv line and get on with the healing process.

Sending love(to you and other advocates for DH) and kicks up backsides for the jobsworths we all have to work around.

[cheers emoticon]

well done Dr Hero!!!

You poor girl, you must feel absolutely battered, emotionally, and physically J. Such a relief though, to know that he is back where he needs to be, for now. Please look after yourself too. Eat something regularly, and try to rest when you can.....Much love.

My word, the roller coaster thunders on.

Glad to get your last update JandJ and what a relief to get him back in. Here's hoping he is getting the dialysis right now.

Do let your friends help you though, I know you both will have a circle of strong friends in RL. Just imagine what you would want to be doing to help one of them, if they were going through the nightmare you are having (and I am one to struggle on alone too), as someone unthread said, let them have the warm, fuzzy feeling from helping you.

Continued positive thoughts to all of you of course, especially to you and DH.

I'm so glad that your DH has been re-admitted J&J. I was worried about him being at home with the risk of infection. Well done to Dr Hero coming through for him!

I don't know anything at all about making quilt squares but I'll happily give making a patch a go (even if it does turn out a bit random looking!) if the other ladies are up for it?

((hugs)) to you and your DH J&J

xx

Glad to hear strings are being pulled and you didn't have to drive him back there. Please, in the next few days, find an hour to sit down with a , a big slice of cake and a friend or a paper, you deserve a bit of breathing space!

Also, if you feel uncomfortable about putting Dr Hero's real name on here, you could PM it to me and I will happily PM it onwards to anyone that wants to know (hope that's not breaking any rules anywhere). I am largely twiddling my thumbs for the next week or so, so I have time on my hands!

Glad the circle, spirits, religious faiths and general strength of all the wonderful MNetters on this thread are helping you stay strong and moving things in the right direction for you and yours.

I am delighted to hear that Dr Hero has sorted out re-admittance for your DH. I must admit to being very worried.

I can so see why your dh bolted for the safety of home. No wonder he is tearful - the emotional strain must have been immense. But it's all back on track, with Dr Wonderful waiting for him at the hospital door (moreorless). phew and double phew.

My dear dear girl, take care of yourself now that your dh is in the right hands. Do please make it a priority to keep an eye out to make sure you're not pushing yourself too far in the day-to-day, or neglecting your basic needs. Do you have anyone on hand who can keep an eye out for you? People will be more than willing, I'd bet.

I a sew/knit/crochet and would love to be part of the quilt-making.

Sending you all much love and prayerfully hovering xx

Hello ladies!

Firstly, J&J, I am delighted that DH has been readmitted and that they sent hospital transport for him. We were counting on that here. It's probably not good that he took such a risk but at least the hospital know what they're dealing with now and should respond to the jumping up and down more readily in case they lose him (as in, "where on earth did he go?")

As I've just got up this morning, I'm hoping that during your day they've managed to get DH some proper dialysis and have a plan for sorting the clotting and the replacement of a more permanent line. I'm guessing that with the low bp and years of treatment his veins are a bit dodgy to say the least. Been through that with DM when she got a line unceremoniously yanked out by accident once too. the fear of having that resited was enormous and my heart goes out to your DH. It's sometimes the smaller things that have a bigger fear factor than the bigger ones.

Ladies, several of us fancy trying for a few real patches. Shall we start with a patchwork cushion and see where we get to? I suggest a standard 6" square. Is there anyone who fancies sewing them together and is happy to pm their address to our international quilting circle?

Now, J&J, admit it, you won't really mind passing on a big hug to Dr Hero for me will you? Tell DH to look away for a moment ;0)

I am about to do my last canine walk of the night. It will be a short one because the nights are drawing in quickly here in the UK.

I didn't want to leave this thread before sending you my love and prayers for another day.

Homebird - get off Dr Hero coz I am ready to slobber kiss him!

My need is greater than yours sunshine! I haven't had a snog for 11 years so he is all mine! All mine I tell you

JandJ - I send my heartfelt love and support again tonight. Take care - and tell DH that 100s of ladies of the world are surrounding him.

6" square sounds good to me Homebird. Is any fabric okay? Sorry if that's a stupid question, I've never done this before! :)

Homebird, I think I can manage to sort out the quilt. I am not a great quilter myself - but can do enough aplique to manage my Border Collie and my words of love in my square.

I am so endeared by your idea that I have cut out a horse for izzy and sent it to a special friend of mine who will quilt it beautifully! Now Izzy might just want to toast as we do it - or she may want to sew herself..... so I have a 2nd horse at the ready to post to Izzy Either way, we'll get Izzy's equestrian companion in our quilt.

We will need the embroiders on board as well. We need the names of JandJ and her children embroidered on a 6 inch square. (Names to be sent via PM)

If I can't take the quilt to the final phase.............. I know someone who runs a quilting circle in real life and is a teacher of quilting if I feel overwhelmed.

Shall we start our real quilt? Say here if you are 'in'.

6 x 6 inch squares

I'll sort out the backing cotton. It can only be the size of the number of 6 inch squares we get!