So frightened my exH will poision my DS mind.

[Victoria3012]

My first time posting so please be gentle. I separated from my ex 2.5 years ago, i was with him for over 20 yrs but he changed so much and became manipulative, nasty, played mind games and started living a very bad lifestyle. Anyway he liquidated our assets, spent the money on sports cars and god only knows what else and left me penniless and heart broken.
Fast forward 6 months, my mum died suddenly and he made a point of telling my oldest daughter nasty things about my mum ( we had some issues when i was younger but we worked through them and it was in the past and our relationship was great), he broke her heart and she hasnt spoken to him for over a year ( she is 20 years old ).
I pulled myself up from NOTHING to studying for a law degree, finding a lovely little house to rent and i have built a great career. He hates me for this ( He told me when he left that the only way i would get on in my life would to fuck a rich man and hope to be kept me as a bad debt).
My youngest son is 11 years old, i have given him the most stable upbringing, he is a very high achiever at school and is well adjusted and a happy child.
My ex loves children until they start forming opinions of their own and stop looking at him as a hero, he then goes on the turn and gets nasty with them.
He sees my youngest once every two weeks and has him overnight, he has started to play mind games again and tells me im a bad mum.
Im so frightened he is going to turn my son against me, i have no family except my very elderly nan, i havent had a relationship since my ex left because i have been concentrating on making my own life and trying to find my own happiness ( and im also frightened of men and relationships). I cant tell you how manipulative my exH is, he is a coward and will use everything he has to hurt me and my children are all he has left to hurt me. I dont need him financially and i can keep myself and the kids ( he hates this ).
How do i stop him playing mind games and manipulating us without it damaging my son? My exH really is a a nasty piece of work and i keep as much distance as possible from him but i would never stop him seeing our son. My son has started to not want to see his dad and my ex is blaming me, I swear it is my sons choice but he is turning it around and saying its my fault and emotionally blackmailing my my son.
Yesterday my son didnt want to stay with his dad overnight, my exH grabbed him from the doorway, drove off then 10 minutes later called me and told me our son did want to stay overnight. My son is very sensitive and my ex is a bully. I feel like shit at the moment, im so scared he is going to turn my son against me the same as he tried with out daughter. How do i stop him from hurting me through our son without damaging my son?

Sorry its a long post but there is so much more information that i could add but im trying to keep it to a minimum ( not very successfully ).

Is your ds's contact with his f proscribed by a Court order or is it by informal, albeit regular, arrangement between you and your ex?

How often does your ds stay overnight and does he stay with your ex for longer periods during school holidays, for example?

Sorry it's taken so long to reply. It's an informal arrangement, he doesn't stay for holidays, I work full time and my son goes to scho

No way should he be grabbing your son and forcing him to go with him.

Fat fingers and touch screen phone doesn't work for me..
Cont: school club in the holidays. We have never divorced and I wouldn't get legal aid and I really don't want to spend my savings on divorcing him, he would get legal aid. I was literally left with some furniture when he left and that was all. My ex has money but nothing that is Legal, he has no assets on paper but I'm not concerned about his money or lifestyle, I am however deeply concerned about the influence this could have on our son. He sees him every two weeks ( unless his dad is on one of his many holidays ) and it's not always over night.

If your ex is only seeing your ds for 1 day out of 14 it's highly unlikely that he will be able to influence him against you.

On any occasion that your ds doesn't want to see his father, don't force him.

In the most probaby unlikely event that your h applies to a Court to regulate/order contact, your ds's wishes will be taken into account.

If you have reason to believe that your 'sensitive' ds is being unduly upset by his f's behaviour, I would suggest that you speak to his HT with a view to him being referred for counselling so that, should it be necessary, there is a record that can be relied on to substantiate your assertions about your ex and the way his behaviour has impacted on your ds.

It seems to me that, as a lawyer yourself, you are well placed to familiarise yourself with divorce and family law and/or consult colleagues with a view to divorcing your ex without need to spend a small fortune on solicitors.

Frankly, I would have thought you could tie the twunt in legal knots with one hand tied behind your back

Your son is obviously making up his own mind already.
Personally, I think it is really important that you listen, acknowledge and act upon his wishes not to see / stay over with his f.

That is the only thing that could potentially damage your relationship between you and him.

I realise easier said than done getting this message over to your ex. But let him take you to court if necessary - they will only be interested in the child's wishes. Not your manipulative arse hole ex.

Fantastic that you are in the place you are now. Takes great strength and I am sure this strength will carry you through this challenge too

You might find a book called 'Divorce Poison' helpful, it's about children being alienated from one parent by the other.