I want a baby so much and am getting jealous of DP, what can I do?

[tiredcommuter]

Hi,

I love my DP very much and am desparate to have a DC with him. He has a lovely DD from his marriage.

He has said we can start ttc next year so baby would be born after DSD has started school and child care fees have gone down. I KNOW this is practicle but it doesn't stop me wanting a baby SO BADLY!

I work saturdays, always have and can't do anything about it, so on a saturday when DP is out having fun with his DD I get jealous, not of their time together (I think it works so well that they will always have saturdays as daddy daughter day and sunday is our family day, its a good balance) but because I want a child so much to share all the things they share.

They have so much fun and I get texts and pictures sent to me which I love but it makes me want that too and makes me feel depressed.

I don't want to be jealous, its a horrible emotion and my DP gets upset at me sometimes because I'm so broody and love children so much he thinks I don't see that it is very hard.

Any advice on how I can stop being broody? It consumes me sometimes.

Sorry for spelling mistakes, I am rubbish at spelling.

Thank you

I realise this is a terrible answer but you can borrow my 4 week old ds and enjoy him waking up every hour round the clock :) I'm sure that would help stop the broodiness!! (Sorry, I'm ratty and knackered).

I do know how awful it is to be broody... At least you know you can start to ttc soon ish... But I do wonder whether "waiting" is a good idea... I get about the childcare costs but there's always going to be costs (babies not so much but toddlers etc yes cash vanishes). Also you could be lucky and conceive on month one - it could take months (took me 18 months with dd and 10 with ds).

Why not talk to your other half again along these lines?

Wishing you luck x

Wigglewoo thank you, I'm sure the lack of sleep would help!
Congratulations on your little one :)

The waiting wouldn't effect me so much if I didn't have such a lovely DSD, she hasn't put me off in anyway, if fact she has made me sooooo much more broody!

Feel like I'm starting to resent DP a little for having a child and that makes me feel awful because its so out of order.

He has seen me utterly depressed by this over the last few months, not slepping, crying etc and it hasn't changed his mind about starting ttc earlier. I can't ask as I don't want to seem like I'm bullying him if that makes sense.

If you only see dsd at weekends when her df gets to play the role of fun daddy, you are viewing parenthood through very rosy specs.

Why did his marriage breakdown? Is he divorced? If not, I would suggest he gets that formality out of the way before you ttc.

How long have you been with him?

OK my advice to you is to formalise your relationship with your partner. I assume you live together. How long have you been together? Why did he break up with his previous partner? I know you say he's great with her, but does he pay his maintenance without complaint? Does he have a good relationship with his ex? Was their pregnancy a surprise?

Do you want to get married? I am old fashioned in that way and wouldn't have got pregnant without getting married. I needed the commitment. Do you have everything you need in your home? Do you have debts that need to be paid?

If everything else is OK, there's no reason why you can't start to save a little towards your future family. Every £10 you put away could be for something specific. It's a way of coping with the yearning. However, the best advice I had is that when you've had a child, you still yearn for another, so don't give in to the yearning - be sensible!

Thanks for the replys.

We have DSD 50% of the time so have weekdays too. He is divorced and we have been together just over 2 yrs and lived together for a year. He has a decent relationship with his ex, not amazing but pretty good, he pays maintenance and has never missed a payment (it was in the divorce so not through csa and he pays more than he would if it was through the csa).

His marriage broke down because they just didn't love each other, they got married just to have a child really.

I am divorced too but with no DC's and am not so bothered about getting married again, maybe one day but it doesn't bother me.

I see what you mean about the yearning not going away, if I have one will it be enough! I have only ever wanted two and if we have one and DSD that seems at the moment enough for me.

I just love having a child around around and hate it when DSD goes home, I love having someone to look after, play with etc and he is such a good dad.

We make a nice family together and would be such a wonderful thing for our family to grow, I love DSD but at the end of the day she isn't mine and has a lovely attentive mummy of her own.

I think about it all the time!

Hi OP, I was in a very similar position when I got together with my DP twelve years ago. He had a very sweet seven year old son who came to us every weekend. It took me three years to persuade DP to have a baby - the break-up with his son's mother had been very traumatic and he was very worried about the same thing happening again. Our DS is now eight and is the light of our lives! I don't agree with ImperialBlether that you necessarily yearn for another one - one baby was enough for me and I can honestly say that I never wanted another one, although I do of course love to cuddle a newborn when I get the chance.
Can I ask how old you are? Do you have a biological clock ticking loudly in your ear? Your DP also needs to bear in mind that you won't necessarily get pregnant straight away!

Hi Bluestocking, thanks, I'm 30 so do have that clock ticking louder and louder! DP and his ex got pregnant straight away so no matter how may times I tell him it could take years he doesn't see it that way.

What makes it harder is 50% of the time I have a 'mum like' role but without being a mum, I have the constraints and ealy mornings, odd middle of the night wakes, all the practicle things such as house keeping and washing that a mum has (I know 50% of the time is no where near as hard as 100%) but don't have my own child. I get cuddles and DSD tell me she loves me but I don't get bed time stories, bath times, morning snuggles, all the really lovely stuff.

Its nice to hear you didn't crave another, I imagine its nicely balanced as you are.

TC, you sound as though you are in a very similar frame of mind to mine about eleven years ago! I am very fond of my stepson but when DP and I first got together I felt that our lives were restricted by parenthood even though I wasn't a parent myself - for example, I would have loved to work outside the UK, but we obviously couldn't do that because it would have meant that DP wouldn't have been able to see his son frequently enough, and every other weekend was a whirl of cooking meals and cleaning up!
How tight is your financial situation and how much would it affect you if you had a baby before your DSD starts school? Have you actually "run the numbers" with your DP? If there was only an overlap of a few months, would that be manageable? Do you think he might have any other reservations that he's not told you about?
I know so many people who have taken ages to conceive that I am always inclined to tell women who want a baby to get on with it immediately. Having said that, I conceived first go at the ripe old age of 38, but I do think I was incredibly lucky.
It's lovely just having one child - we have a very nice life. I wouldn't change any aspect of it