date today..

[XBohoChickX]

hi all
ok dont flame me but to cut a long story short i have a date today with a guy ive been chatting to online...thing is i dont know whether to go as im still living with x partner as he refuses to go...but thats another story..
we have split up etc but the guy is wanting to phone me before we meet and tbh im a little on edge as i dont usually do this kind of thing and i did feel a bit pressured into meeting so soon as he said he didnt want to be used as a social network..
help!

If you are feeling pressured, go with your instinct. Where did you meet him "online"

If you want to go, do go. If you don't, don't.

If he's presurring you tell him it wont work. It's got to be up to the both of you. Explain that you are still living with your expartner due to financial reasons or whatever the reasons are and explain you don't get feel comfortable to meet in person. If he's that into you, he wont want to pressure you.

If you do want to meet however and are just worried about the ex being at yours, be open and honest from the start. He can't accuse you of not telling him straight away. It's best to be honest in the long run.

Do what you think is best though. Don't let anyone put you in a position where you feel vulnerable, uncomfortable or judged.

I hope that if you do go on the date, that it goes well. :)

There is nothing to stop you meeting other people and moving on with your life generally if you're relationship with your ex is over.

From your post though it sounds like you are feeling pressured by this guy you met online to meet up before you are ready. I'd be wary about initiating a new relationship with someone who is putting on pressure or talking about not wanting to be used already. He sounds pushy to me.

Having your ex still living with you must be difficult and maybe trying to work towards a solution for that problem will help you feel more in control and more confident then about meeting other people on terms that suit you.

[Sorry grammar people - of course, your...not you're! ]

thanks for your imput,much appreciated.
we got talking on pof.
weve been talking for a week or so not sure if its too soon or whatever as new to all this.
still not sure what to do really

General advice given is for folks to meet quickly, rather than prolonging the email process isn't it? Perhaps this is the protocol he's trying to follow.

Otherwise you may build each other up to be something that you're really not.

Why not just meet for coffee somewhere? Let him take you as he finds you.

Then if you like his company and feel you trust him explain your situation, and spend a bit of time together. If not, swig down your latte, make your excuses and leave! Then it's only 20 minutes from your life.

Might be nice to get out of the house, if your ex is just mouldering around in it?

Generally with online dating I'd say to try to meet up after a few messages so that you don't waste time chatting online for ages and then find that you don't have the connection when you meet up. However, if you're getting the feeling that the guy's being a bit pushy about it then you don't have to take it any further...or you can carry on chatting online for a bit if you feel more comfortable.

He doesn't need to phone you before you meet - you don't have to give him your number. Just arrange a time/place and be there. Arrange your own transport to/from. Maybe get someone (a friend) to pick you up or meet you afterwards if you feel more comfortable that way.

I'd recommend sticking to a short coffee date as first step and keeping it at that, even if it's going really well. You can always arrange another date.

Meet a few people and take it easy rather than putting all your eggs in one basket with one guy.

There's an online dating thread on Mumsnet. That might be useful for you.

Cross posted with innergoddess - more or less the same suggestions!

i think if i dont meet him he will lose interest v.fast,he was very insistant i give him my phone number ,he said he doesnt do email fb or bbm etc. he also said as a joke he wanted to make sure i wasnt a bloke?!
i have text him but i cant exactly have a proper conversation with him at home can i.
hes left me a text asking me whats happening which ive not responded to i dont want to be a time waster but hes scared me off a bit i guess.
i dont have any friends to escort me to/from place as there both away at the mo.
i was chatting to another guy via fb who i said id meet this weekend who i felt quite comfy with but contact has lessened and i dont like to be a pest.
ive had a read of the od thread the success storys are giving me that glimmer of hope :)

Why on earth would you want to date a man who pressurising you into doing something you're not comfortable with? Why on earth would you care if you saying no would make him 'lose interest'?

How long have your been separated from your ex?

ive been separated since feb this year.
ok i dont think im going should i send a text?
or not bother?

maybe it IS a good idea to have a chat then you can tell whether he's worth meeting for a coffee. You've already given him your phone number! you could explain that it's your first date and you would neeed another week to chat online/phone as you don't like the pressure. He may be just very keen, and not into prolonged chjats that lead nowhere.

if you don't want to talk, then text him, it's only polite since you've arranged a date. you could also say, that you are new to this and need another week or so (by text) and that you undrestand if he doesn't want to wait, it's a mature way and shows you aer in control and have boundaries.

i was living with my ex while we were seeing new people... but only people i got to know, felt comfortable with and knew my situation so no awquard conversations came up

The guy sounds like bad news to me. Sorry - but getting pressurised by a guy before you've even met???

definitely cancel the date. you're not starting out from a good place if this guy is already pressurising you and you are only meeting to prevent him losing interest.

If it was a girl asking about a guy who wouldn't give his home number to talk on the phone and he said he lived with an ex the advice you be, he's lying so don't meet him. Maybe he finds he can judge a person on a phone conversation.

Go with your instincts, if you don't want to meet then don't go.

What's stopping you popping outside for a quick chat with him op?

For all we know he could have had a really bad experience on his last date.

I don't think it's too pushy for someone to call quickly to confirm arrangements and say hi, is it? Strange that you haven't spoken before meeting actually. I think I would be keen to chat first too.

Are you sure you want a date op? Or is it nice to have the attention from afar, in a safe environment to make you feel better about your current life situation?

Surely he can ring your mobile, not just text.

Personally I'd go and meet. Arrange a different place if you are not comfortable.

It's right that sometimes the chemistry is simply not there.

But I was emailing and then phoning my current guy for more than a week and a few days, respectively, before we actually met. And all seems fine.
So, just go with what feels comfortable to you.

Bad news!

Player alert!