The ex and sex...

[globalexdoormat]

Does anyone have any wise words?

My ex-p (father of my young DC's) has been gone now for a few months, all his stuff has gone and he is immersing himself in his new life.

He has given me the 'I love you, I'm just not in love with you line' and said that he doesn't think we will ever get back together. But every time he visits to see the DC's he tries it on with me (not when they are present) and has admitted that he still finds me attractive.

It is fair to say that this is wreaking my heart slightly. Why can't he just leave me alone to get over him?

I have had to put all of energy into looking after the DC's so have no energy left to sort this out.

Sorry to name change, but I would be easily outed on my old name.

The childproofing is his responsibility. If it's only one room, how hard can it be? It sounds like you're both making excuses as to why he can't have the kids.

You do not have to play by his rules. You can call the shots, as long as you're reasonable. What is it that you actually want?

I want to get over him and I want to be myself again. I want that more than I want sleep to be fair. I am a complete mess atm.

Also, now that I actually stop and think about it I went through a patch of a couple of weeks were I was sleeping really well because I had made good progress with regard getting over him AND the DC's were going through a patch of sleeping well, I was flying along (funnily enough, and just like he used to do when he lived here, THIS was the point at which he decided to start messing me around...).

I would also like to either drop the DC's at his and go off knowing that he will look after them properly. Or, he comes here and I walk out of the door and come back home to a tidy house and happy DC's, then he leaves.

Originally the idea was that I could go out in the evening and he could look after the DC's, but I think for that to happen I either need to pay a babysitter or stay overnight at a friends house and he can stay here and go when I get back in the morning.

I worry about the DC's going to his, but I'm guessing that is a standard worry that I just have to get used to.

Really all he needs is a play pen and some sippy cups. Not really huge items to get hold of. Exactly. How hard is it to child proof one room!

Yes, it all makes sense now...thank you all very much.

take care, and stay strong, OP

do not shag him

dignity is all, and look out for your kids first and foremost

You can do this. You just need to work out what you want and stick to it.

He left because you gave him an ultimatum - alcohol or you. He chose alcohol. This tells you a lot about the level of his addiction.

He thinks he can turn up when his wants, back at his house, use the house and its facilities without clearing up after himself, have sex with you, then leave again.

Make some plans OP and tell him how it's going to be. His responsibilities are not yours, don't let him try to blame you for anything. Make sure he realises you are moving on, not raking up the past.

Come back and let us know how it's going, we can help you make those decisions and to stay strong x

He wants to do what he likes and have all his needs met by you without giving you anything in return. Point out to him that the present arrangement is not working for you so it's going to change; he's no longer welcome in the house and you will be dropping the DCs off with him at regular intervals.