i know why, but i dont know what to do....

[whymewhy]

i have name changed for obvious reasons regarding being outed in RL
me and db have been together a few years now although don't live together because of financial reasons (details not important)

we have been through a lot regarding each of our 'baggage' and have been patient with eachother's situations, and we can finally see a dim light at the end of the tunnel.

I have known this dad from ds's school for a year or so and we have become good friends. we have a lot in common and a lot to talk about and its relaxed and comfortable. I have developed feelings for him, and he has told me he has for me too. I know that he is having ongoing marital problems too.

I have made it clear i wont act on my feelings, he has said he would like to (i would like to but i wont because i know i will instantly regret it).

Im sure its a case of we both have relationship problems and we have came along at the right time (or wrong time!) and shown eachother what we are each missing out on in our own relationships, and i think i am enjoying the attention that i haven't had from bf for quite a while. I love my bf but he's not the easiest to get on with sometimes, and he's been incredibly stressed for the last couple of years. we don't really talk very much either.

i don't want to leave my bf, especially for this other person as i don't think it would work long term, but i am also enjoying our friendship, and how good he makes me feel. i don't want to not see this person anymore

im so confused!! we've not even touched hands or anything physical, purely only talking. does this count as an emotional affair?

I don't know you or either of these men, but from my own experience, neither of them is perfect or will make the perfect relationship.

It's about who you commit yourself to, for better or for worse - in doubts and in not doubts.

Don't write off the other person though. Be sure you aren't in love with them or you'll always wonder.

Yes, I guess it is an emotional affair, but so often you don't realise it's happening until it's happened.

you know you are playing with fire dont you?
are you scared of being on your own,and that is why you are still with your bf
where are you going long term emotionally
or are you still young.you didnt mention your age,even approximately.

im 28 and been in long term relationships since i was 18. if i was to break up with my bf for whatever reason in the future i would rather be on my own for a little while, i wouldn't want to jump straight back into another relationship, so no, im not scared of being alone, i think its more to do with i just can't imagine not having my bf in my life. im aware the way things have been lately it may not work out long term, but i really want to try to make it work at least.
but then a part of me can't let go of the other man either. its not even an attraction thing (although there have been dreams!), its his personality and the fact we have so much in common.

i keep trying to justify it to myself that as long as i don't physically touch this other man in any kind of way - sexual or otherwise, then technically i haven't done anything wrong where bf is concerned, although i know deep down i perhaps am.
i don't know how i got myself into this situation!!

You're not the only one to have got yourself in this kind of situation, if it makes you feel any better.

We're only human

Maybe you need to ask yourself why after 10 years in a committed relationship you are having these thoughts. To me it seems less about this other man and more about the issues with your current bf.

I think you need to look realisticly at your current relationship. Has it run its course? Do you still love him or are you just used to having him around? Can you realistically see yourself having a future with him?

You may not have technically done anything wrong, but its unfair on both of you to waste more time if its not working.

If you do find that you still want your bf then that relationship deserves you to give it a real chance. That might mean distancing yourself from this other man.

Do you and you bf have dc?

it has (only) been 5 years with my bf, it was another long term relationship before that. I suppose i do need to think about where i see me and bf going. i know what i want from him, its just whether he's able to give it to me. and i want someone i can talk to as much as this other man. i wish bf was more like him then i'd be happy being with him

no we don't have a dc together, just kids from previous relationships

If you are not happy being with him as he is then you are not happy with him.

It can be hard to accept but from what you have said it certainly sounds like it may have run its course.

Now you just need to be sure it isnt a case of the grass being greener. This new man is having problems in his own relationship so may not be as perfect as you are seeing right now.

If you do split with your bf do it for yourself and no other reason.

maybe i do need to find a way to distance myself from this other man for a while so i can think clearly. this other person has been constantly on my mind the last couple of weeks and i can't even eat from the feelings its stirring up in me. also the guilt i feel for if bf found out about our 'friendship' and how i feel about this man

Hes a married man - avoid.

You know he has ongoing marital problems do you?

he's been talking to me for a while about his relationship problems so i assume he's telling me the truth. he's holding out for the ds's sake

He's hardly going to tell you he loves his wife and everything is rosey, he wants to get in your pants Maybe for his DS's sake you should leave him alone.