just don't want to sleep with him

[tuffinmop]

My husband and I have had major issues, he has erectile dysfuction (has had for many years) and has dealt with it in very distructive ways. He had an online affair with a woman from the philapines, spent thousands on porn, webcam interactive stuff etc. He hid all of this from me throughout our marriage, I found out bit by bit, stayed together out of shock, and wanting to do the right thing.

He is now in counselling with a psycho sexual counsellor and appears to have stopped the porn and webcam stuff. He is doing everything I have asked. The only thing is I can not recover. He is trying hard for us to be close again. But I just don't want him near me. There was a moment when I discovered he had been webcamming (cam4 website) and our baby was only 9 weeks old and it was like a cord was cut, I broke, I turned my heart away and now I can't turn it back.

Should I even try or is it simply over?

We rub along ok like mates and I am wondering if we should see if that is an option or if I should very painfully begin to extract myself.
Its not helped by the fact that my gran (i have enduring Power of Attorney for as my mum is dead) is dying of congestive heart failure and I am watching her slip away. This is triggering suppressed grief for my darling mum

Should I delay any action until gran is gone?
Sorry its a bit muddled x

Sorry you're going through all this
Two questions:
Have you tried counselling yourself, either alone or as a couple?
Do you love him? Do you want to be with him at all in any capacity?

toastI have had counselling although a couple of years ago and not about our marriage. I got refered by the doctor a few weeks ago but never followed it up to hard with small children to arrange childcare.

I do love him but not in the same way. I hoped my libido would return when I finished bf, but I feel nothing sexual. However, i read these threads and know this is very common!
I just don't want to be a single parent of 3, lonely and on my own, maybe we can have a sexless marriage or maybe I should just give him the odd hand job (sorry tmi), but it just feels wierd.

Oh love, you've got a lot on your plate and I'm so sorry about your mum and gran . Is there any other family around to offer you some RL support?

Fwiw I think, for you, it sounds like this relationship is over.

However if you get along with each other, there's no arguing in front of children, etc, and you can bear to be in his company then I'd put off telling him it's over and making plans to leave until you are in a better place mentally and emotionally.

You need to look out for your best interests in terms of practicalities and finances and I don't think now is a good time for you to do that.

In the meantime tell him you're too tired/upset/have a headache to have him near you. After the shit he's put you through the least he could do would be understanding that you don't want him near you in that way at the moment.

And open an account and start squirrelling some money away if you can.

Only deal with the relationship when you're ready and on your terms.

thanks mrskay I wish I did had some rl support, the only support I have are his parents, and I don't know what we would tell them or how they would react....
Oh well, I was an only child and always wanted a big family so atleast i have my darling children even if I end up alone....