Should I renew contact with slightly odd friend.

[hectorthestandbyhawk]

I used to be friendly with someone who I got along with well, shared interests in common with and had a laugh with. She was odd though - she asked me to do a reading at her wedding when we'd only just met. I did it and was flattered she asked but felt it strange when she barely knew me. She used to be manic about setting dates for us to meet up. When I had dd she went into a panic that I'd only want mum friends and not her. Eventually she called me one day and said 'We need to talk.' I think she wanted to tell me that I wasn't paying her enough attention or something like that, which wasn't true but she'd got a bee in her bonnet about it. I felt uncomfortable with continuing that line of conversation as I've had friends for years who wouldn't think of starting a conversation like that so I wasn't about to do so with someone I'd only known briefly. I politely rang off and straight away she sent in an angrily addressed envelope all photos she had containing images of me. The whole friendship reminded me of a short unsuitable romance with a partner who gets intense too quickly and then gets possessive. I've not heard from her in about 3 years.

I don't particularly miss this friendship but now and then I feel a little sad as despite what I thought of how she went about things I did enjoy her company and we had lots in common to talk about. Should I let sleeping dogs lie or would there be any point in re-establishing contact?

No, stay clear. She's either moved on and grown up a bit, or she hasn't. If it's the former, she might be OK and able to be a pleasant friend, but it's more likely that she's still too clingy and intense for you, so you will want to get away from her again, which means hurting her and alarming yourself a second time around and quite unnecessarily.

Um, I don't think i would by the stalker ish sound of her.

But, if the odd bits are outweighed by better traits perhaps i would. But 3 years...I guess not..?!

No. It doesn't sound like you were a good fit for each other.

Thanks - I think you're all right!

How do you angrily address an envelope?

Writing "you bastard" all round the edges?

Like in Harry potter, where that Beasley boy (Ron I think) gets an angry, shouting letter from his DM (called a 'screamer' iirc).

I would leave it in the past .

Oh, I think it was called a 'howler' now come to think of it.

I also don't see the point in going back there either, but I understand that when you have clicked with someone, even if the friendship isn't in the present, you can often feel wistful and wonder what they are doing. But. I would only go back if it were a great friendship that drifted say because of time/stage of life/geography, not where there were big issues such as these.

Good God no - don't contact her. It's sad that she obviously has ishoos but you can do without such nuttiness in your life I'm sure.

The handwriting was jagged and different to her usual handwriting!

Oh I knew exactly what you meant by angrily addressed envelope

no but I know WHY you feel the need to because I prefer it when things fade quietly, so that if you cross paths again things are fine, much better then when you part friendship on bad terms. Its much nicer when you can end a friendship in a way that just demotes it to politely friendlyish aquaintances - however doesn't sound like that would EVER be possible with this one!

But no I don't think you should in this case!

I had a similar situation recently where I DID get in contact with an old friend. I got in contact because I think I had forgotten much of the reasons why we had lost touch in the first place, but within about 15 minutes of meeting up with her again, I remembered and immediately regretted it.

Maybe your lovely optimistic personality has somehow allowed you to forget all the negative aspects of this friendship?

Dh always says to me friendship is inherently a selfish thing - ask yourself what would this person add to my life? If not much, then therein lies the answer.