Help with dating

[OhWesternWind]

Hi everyone

After splitting up with abusive ex eighteen months ago and swearing I would never ever have another relationship ever, I now find myself about to start dating again. In fact I am going to meet Internet bloke for a game of pool soon. Excited but very scared.

I have not been on a date for nineteen years and it was all very different then. And looking ahead a bit I have not even been kissed properly let alone anything else for seven years! ( one of ex's favourites was to withhold affection and sex whilst, I now know, getting it for himself elsewhere). To add to the problem my libido has suddenly come back supercharged and I don't want this to lead me into any bad decisions. Or should I just say sod it and go for it? I have no idea what dating etiquette is nowadays so please help and advise. I am feeling horribly out of my depth here.

Thanks for what I know will be words of wisdom.

all I can say is out there, there is a man wondering where you are, and if he will ever meet you,

I work with men, they spend a lot of time wondering where you are, and what to do about it, then sit frozen in the headlights

just be yourself, you will be fine, and somewhere there is a man having the same thoughts.

oh and try to go and do activities that interest you, that way if you meet someone also doing it, you have a shared interest, which always helps.

That is so reassuring! I think I am worrying too much but it feels so strange to be back doing this sort of thing now at my age! I do feel quite excited and positive about it all though, and I am enjoying the chatting online and stuff. It's just the actual meeting up that I find a bit daunting.

maybe a book - think there's one called 'the dating coach' (amazon?) which is quite helpful
good luck

ps be sure to take sensible precautions like meet in a public place, don't let them know where you live, tell a friend where you're going & give friend the chap's number and don't leave your drink unattended

Good advice thanks and I'll take a look at that book.

a friend of mine who started dating recently, after a similar break,

made a good point, when she arranges a first date, she chooses a special place to meet for the first time, something significant, beautiful, interesting,

I had asked her why she was meeting a chap somewhere odd, she said, 'well if he's the one", I want somewhere good to remember as the place we first met",

I have arranged to meet him on Wednesday!! Yikes. Any tips? I am feeling torn between nervous and excited.

He has also sent me his landline number tonight - do you think that's just so I can let him know if the arrangements go wrong, or am I supposed to ring up and have a chat? Help, I just don't know what to do here and what the signals mean.

You could always ring and say something like, 'so are we still on for wednesday then?", and see if that leads to a conversation.

My advice is have high standards. Don't put up with any game playing (not bring reliable, not calling when they say they will, making you try and guess what the hell is going on etc).

If he's the one, it will be easy and not feel like torture.

With regards to the landline no, arrange any chats via txt, email etc beforehand. I wouldn't call unexpectedly.

Also don't spend too long chatting with someone before meeting them, you just don't know till you meet someone in person whether or not you click.

And don't get drunk on the first date!

Remember that if it's not working for you at any point in a relationship, you walk away, or you are denying yourself a chance to have a relationship that does work for you.

Thanks all for your advice. He has now given me mobile number too . . . Not going to call though, I think I will just wait until we meet.

Some great advice there, thank you so much. I am feeling quite upbeat and positive - it will be fun in some way even if we don't click. There is still a bit of it feeling like torture - but I am feeling quite good in myself at the moment and I guess the first one is the hardest one, like many things, and it will get easier as/if I go on. I am determined to do this though as I don't want to go through my whole life not meeting anyone new and due to my circumstances this seems the only way to do it.

There are some odd blokes out there though aren't there? Not in any pervy way (or not that I've noticed) but some of them have no idea how to talk to people even on an e-mail or a dating site. I have had one wanting to send me pictures of his collection of antique oil lamps. You'd think you'd save that sort of thing until the second date at least. Still, there must be some gold amongst the dross, just got to keep going until I find it.

Wish me luck!!

good luck!

bit of pre date nerves is all part of the fun. Enjoy yourself and be sure to come back here and fill us in on all the details!

Have just been on date. It was lovely. He was lovely. May even do it again.

PS It didn't fel like torture . . .

That's great!

Tbh, I found the second dates more enerving because there was more at stake. As in more time invested.

just checked in to see how it went... glad it went well...

Oh so pleased for you, keep having fun Op.

Think I will press on and arrange a date with Bloke Number Two and see what happens there! I am quite enjoying all this and at the very least it's a chance to have a few nights out and meet some new and possibly interesting people.