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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help with tactics to deal with DH's moodiness

32 replies

mashedpotatohead · 13/07/2012 10:28

DH is a sales account manager & works very long hours. He often comes home & carries on working. He'll take calls anytime, evenings, weekends & sometimes on holiday. This obviously has a huge impact on his stress levels & he is often withdrawn & moody. We have discussed this many times but never seem to find even a 'meet in the middle' resolution. I try to be understaning, he is the main breadwinner & he works hard but he is bordering on being a workaholic.

We have two ds's 2 & 5yrs. I pretty much cover all the chores, bath the dc's, put them to bed etc I feel utterly exhausted but try to remember dh is probably even more so & plod on.

The thing that really rattles me is dh's moodiness. This week we had our ds sports day & I was really thrilled dh was accompanying me as he usually can't. However, he was constantly checking his phone & seemed totally distracted. Our ds got really upset in one activity & as I comforted him, dh was still glued to his screen. When I finally got his attention, he snapped at me that we shouldn't crowd ds & as 'too many cooks' etc. He was quite off with me the whole time which was reflected in what he was saying to me. I felt really embarassed & I wished he hadn't bothered coming.

I think what I'm saying is I'm starting to feel really resentful towards dh. We probably do work as hard as each other to be fair. But I work really hard to make sure he dosent have to worry about anything else. I feel that he has no space in his mind to give any thought to my wellbeing. God I hope that dosen't sound really self indulgent, it's really getting me down. Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
mashedpotatohead · 13/07/2012 13:29

Thanks Cogito, that's a brilliant idea!

Why is it easier to guide other people through their problems? I can't believe the difference in my professional stance & the sap I have become at home!

OP posts:
AKMD · 13/07/2012 13:30

I did hide DH's iPad for a weekend. He was like a little lost puppy but it proved my point :o

mashedpotatohead · 13/07/2012 13:37

AKMD - He would go into meltdown if I hid it!!!

OP posts:
usefullife · 13/07/2012 13:45

sorry, but he needs to pay them some attention
and you

you have to come to some sort of compromise. Times allowed for checking emails/etc

otherwise the resentment will build, and before you know it his family will just be an irritation

I speak from experience!

mashedpotatohead · 13/07/2012 13:52

Thanks usefullife - you're right, the resentment does build.

Right, it's time to confisgate the IPhone, have that assertive chat & set the acceptable boundries.

Thanks MN's....I'm feeling very empowered ;)

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 13/07/2012 13:57

Don't have any advice, only sympathy. It's really hard living with somebody who is moody. I am doing that right now, DH has completely changed since getting injured and having to stop work 2 years ago. He wouldn't be horrible to me or the DCs, he loves us, but it does bring me down a lot. He is due to finally have an operation in the next few months so TBH I am just holding on - I don't want to give up on what was a great relationship when I know he wouldn't be like this if he wasn't in agony. But it does grate that he thinks we will be instantly back to normal - it will take much more work than that and it's hard when we have no outside support.

I guess what it really comes down to is whether you feel these are his true colours or not - whether he will change and be the husband/father your family deserve.

mashedpotatohead · 13/07/2012 14:22

Fuzzpig - Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Full sympathies back to you. Thanks for sharing, it's blooming hard eh :( I'll have to see what happens once we've had our chat. I wish you well & hope the op makess your dh more comfortable x

OP posts:
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