Male submission - serious thoughts needed

[noluck]

Can't be bothered to name change. Since my seperation I have been dating and enjoying it. However, I have been contacted by a young man and we have been in mail/texto/phone contact for quite some time now. He would like to be my slave. In fact, my dog. Now, normally I would be ROFL, however, I'm not. I'm intrigued. He is highly intellegent, intellectual, extremely handsome. We have discussed the fact that he was abused as a child. He would like us to go one step further. I am hesitating, but not refusing yet. If anyone here has any experience in this kind of practice, I would be interested in your thoughts and comments. Please do not hesitate to PM me, I understand that this sort of subject is perhaps OTT and would not like this thread to escalate...
Will most probably regret posting this, but never mind....

p.s. I will be absent all week-end, so not able to answer and posts after this evening before Monday....

Morning

It depends on what he means by treated like a dog?

You can get puppy training kits, this comes with a leather muzzle, leather puppy ears and a collar and lead. Does he want to eat and drink from a bowl on the floor, be lead around by the lead etc?

All this I ask in seriousness, This is sightly diffferent from being submmissive, does this include sex, flogging sanking him etc?

I am a little concerned re the abuse as a child, has he had counselling for this, as i do realise that some fettishes do come from childhood esperiences etc.

if it is a wish for dog training, then there is a shop in London called fettered pleasures, it should still be there, they are lovely the guys who own it, and have a web site as well, but this was a few years ago now, I used to go in just for a chat and smell the place (rubber, leather etc)

Anything else just ask

Thank you for your response. Unfortunately I am not in the UK, but I will check out their web site. Re the childhood abuse, I have not questioned him too much, but I will ask if he has had counselling. As for the spanking, etc., I know that he does have maso tendencies but we have not discussed this extensively. Yes, he would like a collar and lead.
Can't believe I'm writing this....

They do mail order i think, youll also find it on other sites probably cheaper.

Take your time and set out boundaries, remember this is as much about you as it is about him, if your not comfortable then dont it.

To be honest this sort of thing is for the more advanced, but..can also be a gentle intro to the scene. The thing about BDSM is that it is guided by rules and consent, and this is what has to be sorted first of all.

there are a few good forums, that are run by very experienced people, who would be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you may have.

But I will reiterate if in doubt dont do it.

Yes, I do clearly understand that. I have done some researching on the subject. To be honest, what I find unsettling is that I am not unconfortable with the idea, if you see what I mean....

What troubles you about the idea of having your interest peaked?

Personal discoveries can be quite unsettling or surprising, but it doesnt mean we have to act on them, as centient beings we are constantly finding out new things about ourselves, somethings minor sometimes major. Unless of course there is guilt or shame, or cultural issues etc

No, no guilt, shame or cultural issues, I am in fact quite interested. Otherwise I wouldn't be asking questions. Perhaps I'm asking myself too many questions.

Go for it. Could be fun. Unleash the dom within

I would feel very uncomfortable at the thought you are possibly taking part in him acting out his childhood abuse

I would feel like I as being used

*was

It isn't necessarily a bad thing for someone to experiment with BDSM after having had abusive experiences in the past. Sometimes it's a way of getting over the bad things that happened. Of course, some people are just plain uncomfortable with BDSM, and that's fair enough: if you don't want to do it, don't do it.

If you do want to do it, then that's fine too. It is basically dressing up and playing games for adults. OP, have a look at the INformed Consent website, you can discuss all this openly on there and get good advice from people who do it regularly.

There is no more inherent risk of being mistreated in a bad way in BDSM relationships than in any other type of sexual relationship. Relationships go wrong sometimes, but they go very, very right sometimes as well. Best of luck.

What AF said !

The childhood abuse would be on my mind all the time.

Am i reminding him of his past?

If he wasn't abused would he still want to do it?

The bloke needs therapy not walking round on a leash.

If you knew someone had been , say locked in a cupboard / beaten and starved as a child but then wanted the same treatment as an adult as a way of getting sexual satisfaction, would you be prepared to do that to them because it was what they craved?

Or would you try and get them to seek psychological help to reverse the obvious mental damage ?

Have you actually met this guy in RL ?

If not I would suggest you do this before you go any further it seems quite odd to me that you would even be considering any of this without even meeting the guy.

Also what are you looking for as it sounds like he wants a purely sexual relationship based on what he wants to do. If that's what you think will suit you then fine, if not then you may want to rethink or agree the arrangement before you start.

Also - you can download slave contracts etc they go into exactly what he wants/ is comfortable with and helps you to set up a safe/stop word. As a dom you are the one physically in control but they are generally not completely helpless - the slave thing is a sort of partnership where he is submissive but can stop it anytime - a fair amount of the BDSM community have suffered past abuse and enjoy the feeling of being controlled on their terms iyswim?

I think it's arrogant and potentially harmful to pack people off to therapy just because they are doing stuff that you wouldn't like and because they have previous experiences that you think would have irreversibly harmed you.

This bloke wants to play doggy. Doing so is not going to harm anyone else, he is seeking a consenting partner to play with - it's up to him to decide whether doing this makes him feel good, or whether he would rather 'seek professional help'/

And there is still a big problem with a lot of counsellors being profoundly heteronormative and seeing an interest in kinky sex as a problem in itself when it may not be.

What SGB said

The doms/masters I have chatted with said they wouldn't touch someone who had been abused as a child with a bargepole.

No idea if they would if the person wanted to be treated like a dog not a slave.

If you both want to and it is mutual then go for it. If you are not convinced he is mentally in the right place for it then I would suggest you avoid.

Have fun.

Do you mean treated like a nice dog by a nice person? Most dogs are allowed to sit on the sofa/bed, eat yummy food and be tickled. Do you mean he wants to be nurtured and patted but you are in charge? (this is like a small child seeking attention, by the way).

Or is it a whole mean dog/owner thing?

I would check this out or perhaps it is a whole sub-genre in which people know what to expect (which I suspect if you can buy dog ears for adults).

Please bear in mind that what some of you appear to be saying is that people who have been abused in the past are not allowed to explore their own sexualities unless some greasy tissue-wielding counsellor has made a few quid out of them. This is ignorant and unfair. Self-determination is surely vital to abuse survivors and to tell them that what they feel is not what they really feel, and that they are forever incapable of looking after themselves, is not 'caring' at all, it's condescending and misguided.

Remember to set a safe word! I don't see the problem in giving it a go. You can stop if either of you are uncomfortable.

And again what SGB said.

I questioned for long enough if I was 're-living' abuse and didn't know it. I became sick of being analyzed and slowly began to accept that I'm okay and that my sexual experimentation or preferences do not need to be nit-picked by some professional to find the underlying cause.

Many of our prefereances come from our life template that begins in childhood

I have met many subs of both subtle and more extreme fettishes that go back to childhood experiences, feet and caning,spanking are a couple of the more lighter ones.

But I think that to have a proper consensual Domme Sub scenario, all aspects have to be explored and brought in to the open, as to protect everyone from claims of abuse. This is about pushing boundaries, but first you have to discover what they are.

Thank you for your responses. For the moment, we are still discussing things. There is absolutely no pressure being laid on. I am free to make and to take, or not. I do not think that his childhood abuse is really an issue that will make me take a decision one way of the other. Perhaps, it is my own childhood that is still holding me back, in a way. Our age difference is also making me hesitate, he is much younger than me....(sigh).
Anyway, your responses are all very thought giving and helpful.