How do you deal with bitchy colleagues?

[toptramp]

Especially ones who consider themselves superior? There is one in particular who is not my manager but acts like she is as she is more seniour. It is not her job however to manage me although she tries.
How do I get her to back off without being unprofessional? This is od particular concern to me as recently I have noticed it is a bullying tactic and I don't want it to escalate. Mum was bullied at work and it was lietrally the death of her. I find it especially hard to deal with more seniour colleagues as if I confront them they could lick managements arse more than I could.

What kind of things do they do?

"Thank you for your comments"

"I'll take that into consideration"

Stop what your doing, cross your arms and stare at him/her blankly while they speak

Then ignore what they said and do it properly your way

If it's not work-related, keep a log for a week then escalate to your line manager. Keep going up till someone pays attention.

When she is trying to manage you act as if she isn't. If she tells you to do something or change something try to ignore her (without being outwardly rude) and do your job as normal or say something like "interesting suggestion thanks" and then do as you would have done. Be careful not to just do the opposite though or appear not to work with her.

Also treat her like an equal even if you dislike her. She is trying to act like she is superior to you, so bring her down to your level (where she actually is) by treating her almost like a friend. If every time she communicates with you she is trying to be dominant, pretend she isn't. If you defer to her at all she will continue that behaviour so (hate to say it) act friendly with her. Also if you get defensive or irritated she will continue too, as she is getting the reaction she wants, so when she acts in a way that makes you feel she is being superior try not to react at all, or react as if it means very little to you. Just be careful not to become too flippant or ignore her completely as this would be unprofessional.

I had this situation where I used to work and a woman who was very friendly with my manager would take it upon herself to manage other staff even though we were all on the same level, just because the manager relied on her for certain co-ordinating activities, despite her not being promoted or anything. She took specific trouble to try and control me so I acted as if she was a friend, bringing anything she said about how to do my job back to something trivial (about weather, weekend plans etc) to neutralise the issue, or I just would note her suggestions and then do what I liked. It helped for her to sometimes see me not heeding her "suggestions" and once she knew she couldn't make me do something just by acting dominant she stopped trying. Also you may find someone like this will dig a grave for themselves as once she couldn't control me she ended up bitching about me to a colleague and was overheard by another colleague who reported what she was doing to the manager who had to react to it and informally discipline her anyway! Also check out company policy in relation to bullying, if she continues and it is affecting you daily you can raise this issue with your manager. I worked for a large retail company and raising an issue like that by someone was taken very seriously and management arse licking soon became of little importance if grievance was made formally.

Sorry you are going through this Tramp. Could you say something along the lines of 'Thanks for that, I'll run it past my manager' or 'Oh my manager hasn't mentioned that, I'll check with him/her'. Is it also worth discussing it with your manager? We have some VERY strong characters in my workplace & I have sadly heard of many incidents of bullying. I was also bullied some years ago & it is the most powerless awful feeling. However, it is totally unacceptable & should be addressed. Good luck ;) x

Thanks all. It's not just work related either. I am a member of the staffroom cake club. I make fantastic cakes. This week I forgot as normally a reminder e-mail is sent round and this wk it wasn't so I didn't bring cake. Bitchy colleage comes in and says "It's your turn to do cake." "Oh bugger" I reply I forgot and explained about the e-mail. She says well your name is on the list.
She huffs and puffs and turns to a male colleague (who I fancy but that is another story) and says quite audibly "She forgot the cakes." He laughed it off but still.

In the end I said "Don't worry X, there are only 5 of us in the staffroom this lunchtime and I am on a diet so only 4 of you are missing out. Plus I make the best carrot cake in the world which I will bring in on Monday. To which she huffed and puffed and gave me another bitchy look. Uggggrrrr!

Another incident occured . At the beginning of the year I went to her to ask for some help and she fobbed me up. Then a month ago she called me into her room to criticise some assessments I did. If she's helped me with the assessments when I asked her then I would have done them properly. Uggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And no she is not my line manager but she is in charge of one area of work (although that does not extend to people). I asked for her help as that area of work is her specialism.

I think I'd have let my mouth have free reign and said "I'm sure it won't do any of us any harm to eat fruit today" with a pointed look at her arse...

toptramp - if you need/want her help, send an email in future, then at least you have proof that you asked.

Blimey is she asking for ex-lax frosting on her chocolate brownies or isn't she?

Seriously though - how thick do you have to be to be nasty to someone who is going to make you a lovely cake?

She has zero sense of humour. All in all not very nice!

I even pointed out how ironic it was as I was going to bake that night for a cake sale (which is true.)

If you have work related issues eg you need her to show you something email her a request in writing with a line outlining what you need & end it with a request that she reply with a time & day to show you.
This way you can prove you've asked her.

Personal stuff ignore. You dealt with the cake incident fine. Don't let her get to you.