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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

So DP has left me this afternoon for the 4th time.........is there a point in crying anymore?

19 replies

MySonIsMyWorld · 12/07/2012 21:59

Subject says it all, this afternoon he has left me again for the 4th time saying he doesnt love me anymore - it all started when i asked him to put ds's tea in the microwave because i literally couldnt put screaming ds down and he wouldnt so i told him he needs to help me he didnt like it told me to fuck off you silly bitch infront of ds 14mo and left came back 5 hours later after being with his drug smoking friend and left but only took his xbox games and my front door key.
I begged him yet again not to leave me for the 4th time actually bloody begged, stupid women i am. Ive cried, but now i just feeling like whats the point?? :(
I will always love him even after the way he has treated me but why??

OP posts:

ToothbrushThief · 12/07/2012 22:01

You need help to realise that him leaving is the best thing that could happen.

slightlycrumpled · 12/07/2012 22:04

Agree with toothbrushthief. Him leaving and not coming back is the first step to you not living g him anymore.

Your sense of self worth will reduce every time this happens. Honestly, honestly, honestly being alone with your child will be less lonely than living in this kind of relationship.

Do you have real life support?

slightlycrumpled · 12/07/2012 22:05

Not loving him!

MadAboutHotChoc · 12/07/2012 22:06

He probably has OW - he sounds like a crap partner so you are probably better off without him.

Start detaching from him and making a life of your own. I would also look at counselling to build your own self esteem.

Original poster

MySonIsMyWorld · 12/07/2012 22:07

I dont get on with my mum much, she works alot tho and my sister work alot. I am close to my gran but im trying not to buren her.
Part of me knows him leaving is probs a good thing, but part of me still wants to be running down the street after him like i did today.......stupid women!

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 12/07/2012 22:09

Oh dear, definitely better off without him I think, though he has done everything I imagine to make you feel otherwise!

Midwife99 · 12/07/2012 22:09

You will hit the brick wall & say NO MORE! It may not be this time but you will. Repeatedly leaving & returning is emotional abuse & just grinds you down even more. You need to dig deep & find the strength within yourself to take control of the situation & refuse to take any more crap.

slightlycrumpled · 12/07/2012 22:14

Running after him will not make him come back anyway, all it will do is make you feel even more shit about yourself afterwards.

Original poster

MySonIsMyWorld · 12/07/2012 22:16

I know your all right its just so hard to do!
Im not the person i used to be, the old me would of never of stood for this or the things he does or doesnt do ......
He doesnt help at all with the house
He rolls his eyes when i ask him to watch our ds
He earns all the money but does give it all to me to sort
He went for our first trip to the beach with ds and stayed in the car didnt even get out
He didnt come with me this morning to see the new childcare if i go back to college he ob doesnt care who has his son
He doesnt get out of bed till after 10am
I left him once with my son downstairs while I had a sleep and when i woke up ds was crawling around shouting dadaaaa while he was snooring on the sofa fast asleep
He says fucking this fucking that infront of ds
He has been violent in the past - resutling in social services involved but not for my son for me and dp (didnt last long case closed very quickly)

But
I keep holding onto the good things like,
when he is nice he very very nice

i am a weak women!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 12/07/2012 22:21

You're not a weak woman.

Look at the shit you've put up with, yet you're still standing, you're going to college and you're raising a lovely boy.

You are strong. Show this pathetic, weak man how much stronger you can be.

fengirl1 · 12/07/2012 22:22

Lock him out if you can. If he comes back and goes off on one call the police. He's relying on the fact that you put up with all of this. Don't. It's hard but if you sit back and think about what you would tell someone else in the same situation you will know its time to put a stop to it. Look after you and your DS - the rest can wait until tomorrow.

slightlycrumpled · 12/07/2012 22:23

The old you is still there. You can do this. Well done on going back to college.

Better things will be waiting for you in the future.

Midwife99 · 12/07/2012 22:23

He is abusive. This is domestic abuse love. Please take this chance & refuse to let him back in.

kinkyfuckery · 12/07/2012 22:23

It really is irrelevant what he does / does not do. What is relevant is how it makes you feel.

He is "nice" because he knows he is a slimy, wormy, git.

izzyizin · 12/07/2012 22:25

He's taken your front door key which means he'll be back when it suits him.

If it's your only key it also means you'll have to beg him to return it if he's not back before you need to go out. You'd be better off bagging his stuff up and changing the lock.

Please stop fixating on this pathetic excuse for a man and get on with building a more fulfilling life for yourself and your ds than you'll ever have with this tosser.

Justsofedup · 12/07/2012 22:50

Dont think of yourself as weak.

You are a normal human being coping with the end of a realtionship facing a new life alone as a single mother. It is not easy. Its scary and overwhelming.

Take one step at a time.

Let yourself grieve the loss of a realtionship that is dead. You will experience shock, denial, anger but then one day you will finally accept this. Infact you will feel utter relief.

But dont for one second think you are weak.

skyebluesapphire · 12/07/2012 23:04

My H left and came back, then left again 6 weeks later. I begged him to come back the first time and he did. I walked on eggshells, tried to be the perfect wife to solve all the problems.

It didnt work. He had detached from me and should never have come back. Although when he was back, he was very loving and affectionate and made me think that everything was going to be ok.

When he left the second time I begged him to come back, did and said everything I could. But he wasnt interested, just led me on a bit.

Difficult as life is now, it will get better and I am better off without him.

It sounds like you would be better off on your own too. He cant keep coming and going, especially for the child's sake, it is too confusing.

mercury7 · 12/07/2012 23:19

when he is nice he very very nice
I dont think his niceness stems from genuine feeling, he turns it on and off when it suits him in order to manipulate you, and keep you 'addicted'

I'm sure you realise that rationally you are better off without him, but you'll need to hang in there and not give into the feeling of wanting him back

TheHappyHissy · 13/07/2012 08:12

This is an abusive relationship. You are a victim of Domestic Abuse. Your child is a victim of Domestic Abuse.

He will be violent to you and to your son. This situation will ONLY ever get worse. When he leaves, let him go, make sure he stays away.

We all know how hard it is, what we ask of you, but there really IS NO OTHER WAY.

Keep posting, we'llget you through this.

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